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Death of my Maid of Honor
My Sister and Maid of Honor passed away about a month ago. I was just wondering how I could still honor her and keep her a part of my wedding??
Re: Death of my Maid of Honor
I'm so sorry for your loss.
You could have a candle or floral arrangement in her memory at the ceremony or include a dedication to her in your program, something like "We remember all those who could not be with us today, especially Nikita's sister."
Im sorry for your loss.
Tuck a little pic of her in your bouquet.
Leave her seat open and maybe a pic on the table at her spot.
Say something about her in the ceremony.
Have a special vase of flowers with her pic at the ceremony.
Play her favorite song and dedicate it to her during the ceremony,
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Re: saying something about her in the ceremony... We had a Catholic wedding and one of our general intercessions was something like "We pray for all those who have died, including Gulfcoaster's mom and Mr.Gulfcoaster's sister. May God grant them eternal life and peace, and may we one day be reunited with them in heaven." We also included a note in our program remembering our loved ones.
If you aren't Catholic, obviously the structure of any prayers would be a bit different, but if there is a religious element to your ceremony, you can have your celebrant mention her in the prayers, or the sermon.
I am so sorry for your loss.
My cousin was killed in a car accient four months before his brother's wedding (he was to be the best man) and his brother left an empty space for him at the head table and mentioned him before the toasts, etc.
I too am sorry for your loss.
A family photo montage to display at the reception would also be a great idea. People love old photos, plus it's a great way to memorialize your sis.
I'm going to go against the tide here, and suggest you keep such memorials limited. Of course you miss your sister; everyone there at the wedding will, too. And it's your wedding, not her funeral or memorial service. I know as a mother that if I had to face an empty chair, and repeated remembrances, and a slide show, and and and, I'd have a very hard time keeping myself pulled together and my mind on the happiness of the day. Please don't make your wedding about her loss, leaving an empty chair at the party, an empty space next to you where she would have stood, etc, to the extent that it makes others unhappy or in pain on what should be a really happy occasion.
That said, of course you want to remember her on your day.Nothing would stop you from doing so in any event. It would seem kinder, and accomplish what you want to accomplish, to remember her privately, taking your bouquet to her grave, playing a song she liked, using music she'd love to dance to, during your reception, wear a piece of her jewelry, but not making announcements re: same. People who knew her will know what you're doing; and people who didn't know her won't be.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I can tell you how we honored dh's (deceased) mother. She had been gone a long time, but we still wanted to remember her.
DH had her favorite flower as his bouttiniere (sp?), and I had the same flowers in my bouquet.
Instead of favors, we gave a donation to a charity that supported people with her illness. However, you might want to make a donation to a charity that she would support, regardless of how she died (ie if had cancer, instead of giving to the American Cancer Society or hospice, you might want to give to the Girl Scouts if she was a scout, or to a place where she used to volunteer).
Our reception site allowed us to have photos of family members, and we kept a pic of his mom where everyone could see (right where they pick up their seating). Even if the reception site doesn't allow it, ask to put a pic of you and your sis near the guest book, or some other place (just remember to pick it up at the end!).
You might not want to replace your maid of honor. Just keep that position blank, and leave a seat empty next to you. Another BM can hold your flowers, do your train, etc. without the title. On the other hand, I don't think having someone else as a MOH is disrespectful to your sister (like, "she can't do it - NEXT!"). Nobody can take your sister's place in your heart, regardless of if they do in the wedding party.
i am so sorry for your loss.
I couldn't agree more with sue_sue. something private and small would be appropriate. i like the idea of wearing her jewlery or tucking a picture in your bouquet
I think sue_sue does have a good point here: In your desire to not forget your sister, don't overdo it and focus the whole day around her not being there, as painful as that loss is.
I do think one or two public remembrances would be fine -- but more than that probably would be overdoing it and could be difficult for other family members in attendance.
As I mentioned earlier, we did include mention of my mother and my DH's sister in our general intercessions during the ceremony, and a short mention of them in our note to our family and friends that we put into the program. I thought that was appropriate. But if we had done that, plus a photo on a chair, plus their favorite songs and an announcement about the same, plus a slide show... well, I see sue_sue's point. That probably would have been a bit much and would have been difficult for some other family members to handle.
Again, I'm really sorry for your loss and I hope you can find some way of remembering your sister even though she won't be there physically on your wedding day.
I'm sorry for your loss.
My MIL passed about 3 months before our wedding. My bouquet was red roses and white calla lilies, so we put a single yellow rose (her favorite flower) in its center to remember her. DH didn't want to leave a chair empty for her, and we didn't have any readings or anything of that nature, so it worked best for us.
There was a post on here a while back about a woman's wedding; her cousin, who was supposed to be a bridesmaid, was murdered some time before the wedding. So the bride and groom had a bridesmaid carry in a large picture of the dead girl in the place where the dead girl would have walked as bridesmaid, and planning on placing it on the chair where she would have sat, etc. The dead girl's mother went into complete hysterics; had to be carried from the wedding, etc; the entire family fell to pieces, etc. Not that you are planning on this happening; but just to point out that this can backfire.
I'm sorry for your loss.
I'm with Sue-sue. Life moves on. Your MOH has had her time of public remeberence, it's time to celebrate your new beginning.
Honor her privately, if you wish, carry her favorite flowers, tuck her picture in your hankie or such. But this isn't the time to make a spectacle of your loss. When my sister died, we kept it discrete. We all had yellow roses included in our personal flowers, my niece left her bouquet at the cemetery but that was all.
I think Sue_Sue has the right idea too. And I like the idea of donating to a charity, if that's appropriate.
I would tend to think your sister would want your wedding to be about YOU and in celebration of YOUR love and not so much about her and her death. That's what her memorial service and funeral and her special days are for.
I am so sorry for your loss. I will be praying for you and your family.
I agree with the other ladies as well, something special but not over the top. In our programs we put that we remembered those who couldn't be with us and then their names. Maybe light a candle and put it close by you with the bridesmaids. I'm so sorry again ::hugs::
I absolutely love this idea.
52 Books in 2014??
My sweet babies:
I agree with sue_sue as well. Both of my bioparents and my DH's father are deceased, so we had a simple note on the back of our program. For the life of me, I can't remember what it said. We didn't want to do anything elaborate, because although our parents had been gone for at least 9 years, it was still very emotional. With your loss being so recent, it may be very difficult for the family.
Please accept my sympathies for your loss.
Jim & Kristen ~ August 19, 2006
This. So sorry for your loss as well.
I'm so sorry for your loss!!!!?
Ditto this. I went to a wedding once where the Groom's father had passed away a couple years before, after a long battle with cancer. The Groom was going to use his father's wedding band for his wedding band. The couple didn't want too much about his father mentioned during the ceremony- because they didn't want people to get upset. Well, when the Pastor found out about the ring he decided to go into detail during the ceremony about the Groom's father's fight with cancer- and how much that ring would mean to him [the Groom]. Everyone in the church was bawling! It really took away from their vows and everyone was feeling kind of depressed....
My grandfather died in December (I'm getting married in July). To honor him, I am tying his favorite ring into my bouquet.?
oh my gosh i am so sorry to hear this! wow...a lot of what pp said is a great idea. We're going to have a candle in everyones memory who we both have lost over the years!
actually my wedding is on the 27th of this month, FI cousin just passed away this passed december and when FI and i picked our wedding date last summer, we didnt realize it was his cousins bday the day we picked for our wedding...june 27th! it was very weird when we realized it....So besides getting married on FI cousins bday, its going to be a very special day! candles in memory, open seats, picture in your bouquet are all a great ideas! good luck and again im so sorry for your loss!
:::my thoughts are with you:::
we had candles burning at our ceremony representing my brother & our grandparents. only our family members knew why the candles where there, to everyone else they were decorations. our reverend asked for a moment of silence for those who couldn't be w/ us~ no names were mentioned. mh & i wanted those family members to be remembered, but didn't want it to be filled w/ sadness.
i'm also so sorry for your sudden loss. "living when a loved one has died" is a helpful book.
I, too, am sorry for your loss. This can't be easy for you.
I also agree with suesue. It's important that you remember your sister, but remember that this is supposed to be a happy day.
My aunt had battled a bad illness for years, but was always able to make it to holidays and such. My wedding was the first event she missed and she died about six weeks later. When I found out she wouldn't be at the wedding, it was tough for me - and everyone. I am Catholic and my aunt was a woman of great faith (yet not a "preachy" type of person - she was great!). I carried her rosary beads during the ceremony.
Me too. This is beautiful. I agree with Sue Sue too, I don't think that it should be too much of a public rememberance- because it may cause more saddness/pain. I love the idea of the picture in the bouquet, and then placing the flowers at the grave site.
first of all, i'm so sorry for your loss. I cant imagine how hard that must be.
we went to a wedding recently where the Best Man had passed away shortly before the wedding. they still listed him in the program and the maid of honor walked in by herself. The groom when he came in (he walked in after the bridal party) walked up to the platform where they had a chair for his spot, took off his boutenier and placed it on the chair. IT was very sweet and a simple gesture. It didnt' steal the focus of the happy occasion but def reminded everyone of how much he was missed.
maybe you could do something like that, have a small bouquet with yours that when you come up you set on her chair or something. (or on the ground in her spot)
the other suggestions are nice as well and no matter what you chose to do, it will be appreciated by those who loved and cared for her.