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MrsLauren... You did say you'd GBCN
Board: Connecticut Newlyweds
Why is Internet Bullying Alright?
Date: 12/7/2007 at 12:48 PM
This is not the first encounter today I have come across. I am just curious why people think that it is alright to post things about others in a "Snarky way?"
Bad day, possibly. But lets get to the root of the issue, maybe it is because it is much easier when you do not see a face, that you dont see tears and/or pain from the other that you inflict on that person. Let me remind you, that internet bullying hurts just as much, if not more than regular bullying. Regular bulling (as in a playground) there is a face, there is a person standing there that you see and so, you could make sure that you have made all attempts so it doesn't happen again. With internet bullying there is almost anonimity, there is just a user name and a siggy photo (if that) and also maybe a ticker...but thats it. You dont see the others face. There has been many people who have left these and other forums because they are being bullied. Monotoring hopefully will be more prevelent here on The Nest, but until it is, lets do our part to not let these things happen.
Internet Bullying is cruel and mean, and I say that we start a petition today, to bring it down. To show eachother we are grown women with a broad range of differences, but we all come together for the same reason, because we love our husbands we love our home, and we love the family we created with our spouses. Let this Forum be a forum where you are all allowed to say your piece, without unnecessary "snarky" comments to add to it. There will be misreadings, but for those who are misread, you should state you are being misread, so those who read do not think you are bullying.
Lets nip this in the bud today.
Replies:
Date: 12/7/2007 at 12:58 PM
And lastly, if I see this doesn't stop to me or to anyone else, I will leave The Nest Forums to good.
Let me state that this should *not* be treated as a threat, but as a promise to myself of self respect and dignity. I will not allow myself to be treated like this anymore, and nor should anyone else have a tolerance for this.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 12:58 PM
Hmm .I wonder what started this post?
Madilyn Louise, Born 9.19.06
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:02 PM
Are you posting this about yourself or what you have seen around the nest? There are snarks and trolls all over the nest, if you go on BOTB people are getting flamed all over. It happens and will continue to happen it's just how community forums tend to be. If you want a board that is always happy and nice I would suggest trying cafemom they don't allow anyone to post mean or snarky things. The nest doesn't regulate as much. I personally like it, sometimes ppl post things that are so idiotic and they expect everyone to post back about how right they are. If I disagree with something I will definitely say something or just not post at all.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:04 PM
Can I just ask - what started this? Was this what DEE79 wanted to e-mail you about today? Just curious because a while back I remember that she GBCN'd (good bye cruel nest) and I am not sure I remember why exactly - but I think it had something to do with a racial comment she made and in my opinion the cr@p she got for it was well deserved. Anyhow - I agree that you've been treated harshly on here by a few - and if you've noticed - I tried to stand up for you in a post or two. I do hope that the girls on this board stop their snarky comments to you - you seem like a really nice person. Maybe just a little "wet behind the ears" yet and well - you remind me of a "little sister" type.
Anyway - I hope getting all of this out made you feel better. But I do hope that you weren't influenced by someone else to write this post.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:08 PM
Mrs. MJP, I actually have noticed it and really honestly do appreciate it. I just feel that something like this should not be tolerated anymore. I think one of my lasts posts was just "the straw that broke the camels back."
Yes, Dee was like your stance too in the email. It is very helpful, and I send **Hugs** your way too for the kind words. Just, I can't handle it anymore...Im at my breaking point, and I stand by every word I speak in this.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:10 PM
Ms. MJP, actually no one "influenced" me, and I take it very kindly that you speak of me like your little sister 
I think like I said, one of the lasts posts, was my "last straw."
I just wanted to add that.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:15 PM
Oy. Does this happen to you on other boards or just here? Just curious. And if so - there are so many boards here - perhaps there's another that you'd like better?
For example, I remember on the knot I was flamed pretty badly a couple of times about what I thought was no big deal on the P&E board and I just stopped going there - that's it - just didn't go back - I can't imagine posting an edict telling people how to respond to my posts. Even now - I don't go on boards like Married Life or a couple of others - they're just not my scene. I can't imagine trying to tell people how to respond to what I write, though? People are going to react the way they react.
That's the beauty of these boards, you can say whatever you want, I may not like it, and I'll tell you so, and you give it right back. The nest had hundreds of message boards - maybe there's another one better suited for you if you're not liking this group of ladies.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:19 PM
Just because you don't like the way people respond to your posts doesn't mean you are being bullied. And, if you are so sensitive as to let anonymous strangers on the interent effect you that way, you have a bigger issue.
Honestly, I was way turned off by your post about how to get your Mom off your back about buying an HDTV when you can't afford your own living expenses. Your sense of entitlement screams "spoild brat".
And frankly, you need to look in the mirror. You offer "advice" and have made comments to others about issues you have no experience in, like for example babies or parenting.
Grow up.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:24 PM
I am not going to go into detail, but no this is not the first time. I am done with stressing over The Nest Forums, there are plenty of other things in my life that I should be worrying about than what Internet Bullies are saying.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:26 PM
((golf claps for Finny))
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:26 PM
Bitter much? Im sorry you had to work three jobs in order to have a home, a TV, or even have a child.
You have no clue who I am or what is in my bank account. YOu have no right to call me a spoiled brat, you have no clue who I am.
Plus, you are another example of what an internet bully is. Period.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:27 PM
trust me I have been on hte boards for a long time and I have REALLY been snarked at and flamed and this is pretty light.
I think sometimes your posts maybe are not worded the way you mean, but that really is no one's fault but your own if you dont get the reaction you are hoping for then.
I agree with Finny. Your post about your parents paying for expenses while you pruchased an expensive TV came across very poorly. Most of us here dont have TV nearly that expensive, but we are paying our own way.
Like oct said, you really cant dictate the way someone responds to your own words. If you dont like the kind of response you get over and over and over again, take a look at what it is you are doing/saying that is eliciting that response so regularly.
And PP is right - Dee GBCNd ages ago because she was called out for some very racist comments. About a year ago I think?
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:28 PM
Travis, I think, first of all, you need to consider your source. As pp said, Dee GBCN about a year ago after posting some incredibly inflamatory stereotypes involving racism. So, her sudden reappearance after she swore us off forever is, as you can imagine, slightly suspect. Forgive us for being wary of someone who told us we are all awful and that she'll never come 'hang around with us' again.
Secondly, as Finny said, a lot of your posts have turned a lot of people off. In all fairness to you, I do think that sometimes your typing is 'train of thought' and you don't always think before you hit post, and when you do eventually clarify, *sometimes* it makes more sense. But, in general, your comments are such that I think responses, as they have been, are not unwarranted. Personally, I thought we had a great, adult conversation yesterday about religion. If that kind of thing, and well meaning teasing aren't your thing, I don't know what to tell you. I think part of your issue is that you had some posts, like the one Finny pointed out, followed by some crazy, not making sense things about where to buy wreaths for your car in Miami (huh?). The sum of all the parts makes for, in my opinion, appropriate snark. And, last time I checked, snarking is not a crime. Perhaps another board is a better option for you.
Bottom line, I think the CT Nesties are a great group of girls who aren't afraid to say what they think. If you can't stand the heat, get outta the kitchen.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:29 PM
I agree. The Nest message boards should not be a stressor in your life. If you're feeling like they are, then maybe it's time to re-evaluate whther you WANT to be here anyway. And the nebulous "Internet Bullies" you are referring to, but not naming, I'm sure include many of the ladies who have given me endless support, advice, laughs, and comfort over time. These are good women, who are maybe being rubbed the wrong way by you.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:30 PM
Sorry Travis, if you post on this board that your parents are supporting you financially then, YES, Finny does have a right to talk about your finances as they relate to that issue.
And do me a favor. Don't be an arse to the woman who sacrificed while her husband served this country in Iraq for 18 months.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:30 PM
LOL - bitter no. I worked hard for the life I live, I know what sacrifice and working hard mean. I didn't get here by taking handouts from Mommy and Daddy.
You are right I have NO clue who you are or what you are about, I can only make a judgement based on what you post on the public internet. And right back ya - you have NO idea who I am or what I'm about, so again, look in the mirror.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:31 PM
I haven't been around this board that long, but honestly, TravisGirl203, many of your posts have made me wince. You come across as extremely naive and seem to almost ask for snark at times.
I try very hard to live by the "treat others how you would like to be treated" rule & have practiced a lot of self restraint by not replying to many of your posts that I felt were particularly "snark" worthy. I have actually been very impressed with the self restraint of the majority of the women on this board. I guarantee that if you were to spend any time posting on the national boards, you'd get chewed up and spit out.
The other day, one woman referred to you as "the little sister" of the board - one who needed guidance and coaching. I suggest that before you post anything, take a minute to re-read and think of the possible responses that you might get. If you can think of any way that someone would twist your words around, or find some sort of issue with what you've said then e-mail one of us & ask for feedback before opening yourself up to a public ridicule. That's my advice: if you don't want to be "bullied" then you need to be more aware & proactive in preventing it.
Hurry up and GBCN before someone drops a house on you
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:34 PM
Actually it was just about a year this month. And what happened last year I apologized for. Took me awhile to start posting again after my 'good bye post'. But the boards addicting. Atleast this time around I read my post several times before submitting it.
Dee
*VERY happily married since April 29th, 2005*
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:35 PM
You said your parents have to help wiht your expenses, and infered in a big way, no? So Im thinking you dont have tens o thousands stashed away right? So I think we have an idea that you dont have money for basic living expenses = dont spend unnecessarily. Not hard to figure out...
And I kinda have a hard time viewing someone the same age as me as a little sister type... sorry! 
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:36 PM
I've been typing and retyping post and then deleting them because they don't come across right. However, Kate put it how it sounds in my head. :0) Basically, posting on a board automatically opens you to responses you may not like. If you are going to post, you are going to deal.
FWIW, I posted a while back about a pretty horrible thing I did re: money and my marriage. When I think I deserved the flames of hell, these nesties were supportive without sugar coating it. They offered sound advice. You would be shooting yourself in the foot to stop posting.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:36 PM
Let me clarify that I did not know Dee had the past she did. I spoke to her without that knowledge, nor did she influence this post.
Clearly Finny has some issues, since she immediatley flammed me after my TV pos. All I know is that she made this distinct comment that she had to work three jobs to support a family.
Maybe my comments are ramblings, but they dont deserve what they have received. I dont deserve to be called a spoiled brat by her. I do agree that our coversation what very adult like...I like speaking about that stuff, and hearing others experiences.
BUT, being called a spoiled brat sounds to be like a scourned woman with a lot on her plate. Im sorry but I am sick and tired of these commments, and it looks like to me that this is the last day of posting.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:39 PM
Travis, at this point I'm not sure what to say to you except that you'd be hard pressed on this board to find a single woman who is anything but grateful to Finny. I really think you might want to tread carefully here.
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:39 PM
TG - I think that there is such a thing as internet bullying and I think many of us here on the CT board are snarky MYSELF INCLUDED.
But - I think that you are taking some things a little too personally. And having been on both sides of the flame fence many many times myself - I feel you need to take a look at what you type and how often you type it and put yourself in the problem as well. The one constant in all of our failed relationships is ourself. Trust me I take this advice to heart!
Finsup - actually isn't a bully at all. She just tells it like she sees it. I think its funny that you think she works 3 jobs to afford her life style. what that says to me is you didn't understand the message in her post - which was that you do what you have to do PERIOD. Not that she works a million jobs now - but that she would if she had to! and has worked very hard and multiple jobs in the past so as to be able to say she is standing on her own two feet.
You didn't like that advice but it is solid financially responsible advice.....you probably got the same from your Mother...or MIL I can't remember which.
Over-all just take a deep breath, brush it off and worry about what it important to you - because if this has gotten you riled up something tells me there is more important things that you really are upset about....not so much a bunch of snarky ladies online!
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:40 PM
Bitter much? Im sorry you had to work three jobs in order to have a home, a TV, or even have a child.
Okay, you are advocating an end to Internet Bullying, and then you jump in with this? If you want other people to let it go, there's this thing called "leading by example"...
Anyway, I second the other ladies on this one. I've been bullied/flamed/etc. on the Nest and Knot for various reasons, and looking back on it, half the time I was being whiny/immature/or whatever so I deserved it. The rest of the time I just shrugged it off and walked away. It's an internet board, people can say what they want. You just can't let it get to you.
The book of love has music in it...
MARRIED BIO
NESTIE (travel) BIO
*September 15, 2007*
Date: 12/7/2007 at 1:40 PM
TravisGirl, I was going to post this to you earlier, and decided to keep my mouth shut, but if I can be at all helpful here, I'll try, sure.
Sometimes, you word things in a way other than you must mean. I realize not everyone is a verbal/internet communicator and that things can be misread, but when you're relying on words, you should be careful on how they will come across before posting. I think this will go a long way.
If we're referring to the HDTV post from a couple of weeks ago, I can't say that I disagree with anyone who advises you that for your own piece of mind and self-respect, you'll probably want to manage your money so that you don't need your parents' support at 27. Maybe that sounds mean? I don't mean it in a mean way - but I think you're going to get very little sympathy from the people on the boards who have been self sufficient for years (and are and should be proud of it) or don't have parents to bail them out.
I can say I'm not bitter that I've been self-reliant. I love that I have been. I'm not jealous, and I don't think most of us are. It's not something to be jealous of, IMO.
Now, as for the post about smd/Suzanne and how she is doing, which is the real meat and potatoes of what I was going to post to you:
I'm going to assume you have never been pg. I could be wrong, and if I am, I'll apologize right here. But if you haven't been, you might not understand the vulnerability of having something so precious to lose. It's one thing to imagine, quite another to visit the bathroom every day hoping not to see spotting. Or to get bad ultrasound news. Or worry about the health of your child every day from conception until...well, forever.
Many women on this board have had a pg loss, and these matters are best dealt with delicately. It sounded like you were being merely curious and not really concerned to say, "That" nestie with twins - when there is now one less, and not to even know her name or screen name. We are probably protective b/c many of us have met her, correspond with her, and have
Re: MrsLauren... You did say you'd GBCN
AES - do you feel better now?
Who are you talking to?
Its not me in case your wondering. Any moderator could tell you that one by looking at the IP address on the posts.
So you moved, registered with a new provider, got a new email address, have a new nest name. You sure are one clever lady!
Guess what? You still have the same fingerprints and DNA. And, unfortunately, instability.
OMG, the posts are getting dumber and dumber...
Kate, that would be too easy. Clearly, she's trying to be "above" our intelligence.
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