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Question for Ferber mommies
I've never really had to "Ferberize" Spencer as he has always gone to bed fairly easily. I am trying to adjust his bedtime right now though, and I have a question...
Our old routine went like this: Nap around 9/9:30, I'd wake him up around 11/11:30 and feed him, then put him down and he would sleep until about 7am.
Recently though he's been sleeping in much later, to 8 or 9am. So I thought I would try to bump his bedtime earlier...
HOPEFULLY New routine: Bedtime feed and in bed at 9:30, up around 7am.
So last night we tried this....but he was up at 1:30am screaming...completely inconsolable. I tried the Ferber method (as best as I know it), but he was seriously inconsolable. I eventually gave in and fed him - he was HUNGRY. Once he was done eating, he was still awake. I put him down, he fell asleep on his own without a fuss and slept until 8am.
Did I mess up by feeding him? I thought that with Ferber you were supposed to calm them down, leave the room, let them CIO blah blah blah. But what if they're inconsolable like that? I really believe he was hungry, but I could be wrong.
Re: Question for Ferber mommies
It's seems that since he fell asleep on his own after you fed him and slept through till 8am, that he can actually soothe himself. The fact that he was still awake when you put him down again is a good sign that he can do it. I think your instinct was right, he was truly hungry. Maybe he was so tired that he didn't notice he didn't have his 11ish feed, so when he woke up at 1, he was seriously hungry. I think you did the right thing. It's so hard to know sometimes.
With regards to the inconsolable part, I let DD cry until she falls asleep at night, she never gets too hysterical. The time when she gets inconsolable is when we try Ferber for naps. I know when the crying is past the point of her trying to soothe herself and I usually end the nap period then and try again during the next nap time. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. I just don't see the point of letting her get hysterical and then leaving her to soothe herself when I know she can't at that point. You know Spencer best. If he gets to the point of crying where there's no turning back I think it's okay to intervene however you need to.
In the Ferber book, he talks about night feedings and how to eliminate them. You nurse right? It says to reduce the duration of the feeding by 1 minute every night and this should help slowly wean the child from night feedings. If you FF, you reduce the feeding by 1 oz per night. We were going to try it, but DD now wakes at her regular 3am feeding time, rustles around a bit and goes back to sleep.
I hope tonight goes better!
I don't have an answer for you, but I just wanted to say Catherine woke up at the same time last night. The first time in months that she was awake in the middle of the night. She really really cried, but I refused to feed her since I know she doesn't need it. I gave her some tylenol because I was worried it was her teething bothering her, cuddled her for about 10 mins and sort of got her to calm down and put her back in her crib. She went back to sleep with a few whimpers and is still asleep now.
All I can say is that I have read numerous times that babies after 4 months do not need to eat at night and should be sleeping through the night, but I wouldn't say you were wrong you are his mom and know best for him.
~Katie~
This is what the experts say, but with one HUGE caveat......if baby is USED to eating during the night, then he/she WILL be hungry in the middle of the night....you shouldn't really just cut them off cold turkey from a middle of the night feed......you need to reduce the # of oz / # of minutes until they are pretty much taking in nothing....THEN eliminate the middle of the night feeding.
PS - I'm not saying what Heather did was wrong....I'm just elaborating on what Katie said....
I read you shouldn't forcibly remove nighttime feedings until 9 months when solid foods are well established. I didn't mind getting up to feed my son in the night (I actually loved it because it was special snuggle time, and he would only ever wake once in the night), so I'd feed him if he woke and seemed hungry and he weaned himself from the night feeding after he was into the solid foods. BTW, he went to bed at 6:30 pm and got up at 6:30 am, so I figured it's logical for a kid on a liquid diet to be hungry in the night. I know a glass of milk for supper couldn't hold me until morning.
As pp said, you know Spencer best. If you think he was hungry, he probably was.