New York Nesties
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
What would you do? LONG
I am sorry this is so long? So here is the dilemma. Last year DH and I were pretty seriously house hunting in Northern NJ. We were looking to find a nice little house or townhouse close to the city for a reasonable price. We had saved up a modest but ample amount of money for a down payment. Within a few months, we found a house that we really liked. The location wasn?t the best, but it was within our price range and had everything we were looking for. We were about to make an offer when my parents called us and told us that my Dad?s office was moving to North Carolina and they were going to buy a house and move down there. They didn?t want to put their house in NJ on the market b/c they knew they wouldn?t get the true value of the home in this market, so they offered to let us ?rent? (we pay the taxes and matinee) from them indefinitely. If and when we could afford to buy it from them, it would be ours for good. To us, this sounded like a great deal. Their house is beautiful and it has a big backyard and a great pool-way more then we could afford right now. Also, our financial advisor loved the idea, b/c it meant we could use a big chunk of our savings to pay down our student loan debt. After much discussion we agreed to take the deal and planned to move in last summer or as soon as my Mom and Dad had found a place and were settled in NC. My Dad had been renting an apt through work for most of last year. They couldn?t agree on a house and my Mom was refusing to move until they found a place that she liked. She is a school nurse and had planned on retiring last summer but decided to stay on for the fall semester (2008) since they still hadn?t found a house. Well August rolls around and we needed to get out of our apartment in Brooklyn but my Mom was still living at home in NJ. She suggested we move in and save up some money for when we were to take over the expenses in February when she moved out. We were hesitant to do this as it meant that we would be living with my Mom for about 4 months, but she insisted, so we did it. In late December she decided that she?d like to work the rest of the year and announced that she?d be staying in NJ at least until July. At this point DH was at his wits end. He had been basically walking around on eggshells for weeks and he couldn?t really take it any longer. We also REALLY didn?t want to move again and then move back this summer. So we decided to suck it up and stick it out for the rest of the school year. Flash forward June, they have STILL have not bought a house. They put an offer on one place, but it fell through and now they are back to square one. We don?t know what to do? Should we move out and rent somewhere for a few months until they figure it out or should we just give up the house and try to buy a small townhouse or apartment? The really sucky thing is that we put a large part of what we had planned to use as a down payment into our student loans, so we have a lot less to work with now. We are really stuck. DH says he can not deal with living with my Mom anymore. He thinks she is going to hold out and try to work one more year before retiring. She says she is ?most likely? retiring this year, but she feels so bad b/c they can?t find anyone to replace her. I don?t know what to do? Sorry this is so long. Any advice?
Re: What would you do? LONG
Wow! First of all, let me just say that you and your DH are *saints*! I love my mom and all, but i couldn't live with her again.
But it's a sticky situation. I'm glad that you were actually able to put a good chunk of $$ towards paying off student loans. That always helps!
Do you think you and DH could talk to your mom and dad about what's really going on? It sounds to me like your mom is hesitant to move at all. If you could stick it out till your mom finally moves to NC, i'd say try to do it. Especially if you're saving money and paying loans off.
GL!!
My Craft Blog
My Planning Bio
Finally! A Married Bio!!
Move out! It sounds like your mom is having her cake and eating it too ? she knows she has the option of staying in NJ if she wants to, AND she gets her daughter to live with her! What mom wouldn?t want that? But it?s no motivation for her to ever seriously work towards moving to NC. Perhaps you finding an apartment is the kick in the butt she needs to move ? because she?s not going to want you to get settled into a place when she actually starts looking to sell and wants you to live at her house. If you have any DP money left, start house-hunting again. If not, look for a rental. Maybe all she?ll need is to see you looking and she?ll get the picture and move down there.
i couldn't do what you did either so you get kudos from me!
i too would start looking to move. you & DH will be happier (even if it's renting) and maybe you taking steps to move out will help your mom get moving to nyc so you don't have to or they'll decide to stay. either way, you & DH will be in your own place.
and paying down student debt is never a bad thing so you are still ahead of the curve there. ?
Ditto this! Sorry about the whole thing. Just FYI, there are FHA loans that allow you to put down 3.5% (at minimum) in purchasing a house, in case you still wanna buy a house.
Our New Home! Renovation Underway! The Law Nest
TTC Journey
7/2008 - begin TTC
7/2009 - began charting
9/2009 - Dx Endometriosis
10/2009 - HSG/SA (Normal)
12/2009 -6/2010 - Lupron #1 & 2
Sep-Nov 2010- Clomid Cycles #1&2 = BFN
Dec 2010 - Clomid Cycle #3 = BFP (1/11/11);no h/b (2/10/11); D&C (2/23/11)
5/11-6/11 - herbal tea regime = BFN
7/24/2011- herbal tea regime = surprise BFP
I think you definitely need to take a more self-preservation stance. Yes it was very convenient for a few months to not have rent and be almost living in a great home of your own. But now, its more like your mom is being inconsiderate. She obviously is not feeling ready to retire - something that is completely separate from the house issue and that she needs to deal with - but not at the expense of your future and time.
I also think a serious conversation with your mom/parents - before you move or house hunt is in order. Explain that because of their suggestion/offer you put money towards your student loans that were originally going to be for a down payment. To me this is a very serious change of your plans - but you did it knowing you would have a great home (theirs) soon. Honestly, I would be so pissed if I 'moved' money around for this reason and then the move to NC kept being put off.
Best option: talk with your mom/parents. If they can't give you a firm (FIRM) date of when you could be in the house, just you two, then move out, get an apartment (maybe a month to month?). You have to keep your sanity - and really, your mom could decide to keep working for another year or two.
good luck!
I'd push the conversation with Mom and start looking for a place to rent.
Put your marriage first! Anyone should understand that you need to have a space of your own. (but of course be appreciative of the money you've saved living with her!)
Thanks Ladies! Your advice is much appreciated. I have been talking with my Mom over the past few weeks and she just does not want to make a decision. I think it is time for us to really start looking. Thanks again for reading and responding. It was helpful to have outside opinions.