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Need Advise: Am I being greedy??
Hi Everyone,
So I'll tell the story as best as I can, without being biased and give me your honest opinion.
My mother sold us the condo we are currently living in. She owned it for about a year. We have now been living in it for about 4 years. Anyways due to recent changes in our finances we can no longer afford our condo. We were going to sell it back to my mom. My mom started making all the repairs in the house. But early on she backed out and said she couldn't finance it, so instead we're going to try to keep the property and try to modify the mortgage and rent it out. I told her she can collect the rent money and repay herself that way, and we would just continue collecting the rest of the rent. She was fine with that agreement.
Well here's the issue. We had our washer broken. When she went to try to fix it, she noticed a little silver object sticking out. When she took it out she noticed it was a little coin, but also noticed it was what seemed like 1914. She called me all excited telling me she found this coin. I thought to myself cool she found a coin in our appointment that could have some value. This morning she calls me telling me she was all excited. I asked why and she said it was because she cleaned the coin thoroughly and it was apparently a half dollar coin from 1817. Turns out it's an extremely rare coin, valued at about $900. I was in shock. So I just stayed waiting for my mom to tell me she's going to hand it over. When she didn't say anything I asked her um ok so are you going to give it to me. She responded in a very defensive way saying oh no, finders keepers. I got defensive back telling her she may have found it, but she found it on our property which makes it ours. Then she started giving me the guilt trip on how she's been investing all this time and money on our property. (which by the way we had already discussed she was getting back) Anyways, I told her how can she just assume she can keep it.
Am I being greedy?? I know she's done a lot to help us, but we came up with a plan to pay her back. How should I approach this. I feel like if I confront her she will get all defensive and stop talking to me, and make me feel like a horrible greedy little daughter. She just wants to keep it as a collectors item, but my husband lost his job I have to cut down my hours at work. We're living at my mil's house because we can't afford to live in our own house. That money can come in handy...and she wants to keep it as a "collectors item" WTF?!?!?!
ok vent over, but seriously what do you think? I tried to be as unbiased as possible, key word "tried" lol
tia
Re: Need Advise: Am I being greedy??
yeah I figured that legally it would be ours, and she defintly knows our financial struggles. She's seen our bank account for goodness sake!!
Really she can keep the coin if she wants, I just feel blindsided that she just assumed it would be hers and then tried to give me the motherly guilt. uugh
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At this point I dont' even care about the money. I just wish she would treat me with a little more respect and not gult me into things. She has been doing these mind tricks all my life.
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Why don't you use this as an opening to talk to her about it. Tell her that you had no issues of her keeping it, but you do not appreciate being treated like a child. Tell her that it is not fair that you keep on being tricked into stuff
darling all i can say is that all mothers do this. my mom does it to me all the time about school. always says inuendos that are TOTALLY unnecessary (mind you, I do have my BA). and in the jewish culture its known that jewish moms are TOP NOTCH at guilt trips.
Thanks Yocy, I think I'm going to take your advise and try to talk to her. But I will need other people there that know my relationship with her well enough to come to my aid when I get to frustrated to talk.
I also talked to my dh. He said just let it go. But he has noticed how as a mother the thing to do is what's in the best interest of the child. And how he's noticed that she only does that when it doesn't conflict with somehting of hers. He says she doesn't always have my best interest at mind, and constantly tries to manipulate me and guilt me into things. He says that because of this he just can't trust her, he feels bad because its my mother but that that's not how a mother should act. sigh, so confused.
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johanna- i'm so sorry about that!! i would be hurt too if i was in your situation. your dh has a point...and i agree w/yocy, def talk with her. and if you need your dh there or even someone that's friends to both you and your mom that sees whats going on.
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Oh my goodness! What are the chances right?!
I agree with the girls that if this really does bother you then you should just talk to her. It seems like there are more underlying issues here, with the fact that you guys are still in the process of paying her back, yet your hurting right now and as a parent you automatically assume that her first inclination would be "Gee, this is worth $900, Cynthia and her husband could probably use this", yet you got the opposite result. Maybe there's something going on with your mom that she needs the money too?
I would just talk to her. In the end, its not worth creating a huge fight and loosing your mom over $900. Yet, in my experience, $ tends to draw out the most peculiar behavior in people, if anything, now you know that $ and family generally aren't a good mix. I wish you guys the best in getting back on your feet and once you do, I would try my best at being completely financially independant from your mom, condo and all.
HTH!
You are abosultely correct. Thanks! I will use this while "trying" to talk civil with my mom.
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You are understandably upset about this and this is one of those things that could escalate between the two of you and turn ugly. I guess I'd be the bigger woman and tell her calmy and cooly that she can keep it and that you and your husband have alternative ways of paying her back and that you appreciate her. Maybe that's all she needs to hear - is that she's appreciated. I know it may be tough to do, but no need to put a riff in your mother/daughter relationship.
Hope things work out and sorry to hear you and hubby have some challenges to face.