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super long post - my MIL is so sick

my mother in law has now been in the hospital for more than 2 weeks with liver failure which all started because of arthroscopy for a torn meniscus.  she was extremely healthy and tore her meniscus doing squats with a barbell on her shoulder at the gym - probably in better shape than i ever could be. 

she got the surgery and then one week later developed a deep vein thrombosis which is a clot in her leg. 

then when they put her on blood thinning medication for the clot, the incision site in her knee and whatever the repaired inside started oozing and she developed a large collection of blood in her knee.  She needed to be hospitalized for a week for that and was on a morphine drip at one point.  

then she ended up back in the hospital because it looks like the scopes they used were possibly not sterilized properly and she contracted hepatitis B which has led to liver failure. 

her first gastroenterologist was a complete douche bag and had no bedside manner and didn't take her illness seriously at first.  I had to strong arm him and threaten him with a law suit until he admitted her.  Just to make sure I wasn't overreacting (which isn't underheard of when you have a doctor's family member ill), I ran her situation past TWO of the GI doctors here in Austin.  They were pretty concerned that he didn't think it was serious. 

After two weeks of waiting for her liver to fight this infection on its own - which happens in 99% of patients - we have now transferred her to a transplant center in Orlando.  DH said she won the reverse lottery - everything that could go wrong has.  Not only is her liver losing this battle but her kidneys are starting to fail too and it looks like the only option is transplant. 

I'm here in the middle.  I'm a doctor and I can do my thing and emotionally detach myself so I can think.  After having to watch people get super sick, I've just learned to shut off my emotions and be able to think clearly.  Only its not working very well now because the other part of my brain is in agony.  I know exactly how bad this is and that she could die from this and its gut wrenching to watch it play out in my life.  now i'm that family that is by the bedside all the time crying.  now we're the people that the doctors are probably saying - "wow, did you see those pictures of her son's wedding she has on her bed?  she looked so young for her age".  My poor husband has already had to grow up without a father and his saint of a mother literally came out of the shower to find her husband dead on the floor and was forced to raise an infant alone.  So here she is - ridiculously sick and I can't help either of them. 

this is the hardest thing i've ever gone through in my life.  i feel like i'm usually the one in control and call the shots as a doc and there is just no end to this nightmare.  i can't believe how the worst case scenario is just playing out for my mother in law.  the worst part is that my husband is in Orlando with his mom and needs me but I'm here working trying to support us and I can't be there until Thursday.   There are people in this positiion waiting for ME to help THEIR loved one.  I feel like that is just messed up.  How can I be on both sides at once?  I feel grateful because I can help them and make their life longer or easier or healthier and it takes my mind off of my own problem but I also am just wanting to fly to Orlando NOW and hold Martin. 

i keep trying to do what everyone says and be hopeful and positive and keep faith etc but i feel like i just have too much information in my head to ignore.  i know what the mortality rate is if she can't get a donor in time.  i know that transplant is a solution but not one that doesn't carry huge potential consequences to her health.  how am i supposed to ignore that?  dpes anyone have any advice other than what everyone is already telling me?

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Re: super long post - my MIL is so sick

  • Im so sorry Rossana. I dont have much advice to give but I just wanted to let you know I have your MIL in my prayers. hugs.
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  • Pray my love. I will keep you in my prayers. At this moment, you are not a doctor but a daughter and all of your emotions are correct and allowed. Be a support to yoour husband. Use your medical training to get answers, and maybe solutions. Please keep us updated. If you need anything at all, please email me yocelyn1124@gmail.com

     

  • Oh sweetie.  I'm so sorry you and your DH, and his mom, are going through this!  She's in my prayers.  ::hugs::
    -- Jackie
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  • This is insane!! Your poor MIL has been through soo much..As Yocy mentioned use your medical background to keep getting answers and better treatment as well as support your H..My prayers and thoughts are with you...I hope everything gets resolved and please keep us posted..
  • You and your family are going through some challenges that many of us will never face. You are doing a great job. Don't get discouraged. Keep your faith and an open heart and hopefully all will work out and no matter what happens we're all here to support you.
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  • I'm sorry I dont have any advice but I will keep your family in my thoughts and Prayers. I hope that she makes it through. 
  • I don't know if I can offer any advice... but your MIL is in my prayers.
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  • Darling...I'm soo sorry your family is going through this.  Like Yocy said, you're a daughter now and those emotions are ALL normal.  The good thing is that your medical background will be able to help your MIL and the family.  I'll keep you guys in my prayers and if there is anything I can do just PM me!!
  • ((hugs))

    I really don't think I have any advice other than what you've probably already heard a million times. I am so sorry that you are facing such a terrible ordeal. Your MIL is in my prayers and I really hope that everything goes smoothly. She sounds like a wonderful person and the last one who deserves this sort of bad luck. All you can do now is hope and pray for the best and be strong for your husband.

    I am one of those people who firmly believes that suffering through tough experiences in life really has the potential to make you become the better person. Of course no one wishes what you are going through on their worst enemy, but if I had to help you find a silver lining in all of this, I think that going through this now will help you in the future not only to be a better person, but also a better doctor. I'm sure there are a lot of doctors out there who have been blessed to never have such a close call with a close family member, and it prevents them from being able to empathize with their patients and their patients' families. I know that as a doctor you have to detach your emotions from your profession, but I really think that having this experience will help you relate to your patients more. And even if you have to continue being detached emotionally, it will give you that extra sense of compassion and understand and you will be able to draw from your own experiences and know what are the right things and the wrong things to say going through people in that scenario, both as a doctor and as a fellow human being.

    Anyway, please keep us posted on her progress. I really am praying hard for you guys and wishing for the best outcome!

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  • romiguromigu member
    imageSouthMiamiWifeJen:

    ((hugs))

    I am one of those people who firmly believes that suffering through tough experiences in life really has the potential to make you become the better person. Of course no one wishes what you are going through on their worst enemy, but if I had to help you find a silver lining in all of this, I think that going through this now will help you in the future not only to be a better person, but also a better doctor. I'm sure there are a lot of doctors out there who have been blessed to never have such a close call with a close family member, and it prevents them from being able to empathize with their patients and their patients' families. I know that as a doctor you have to detach your emotions from your profession, but I really think that having this experience will help you relate to your patients more. And even if you have to continue being detached emotionally, it will give you that extra sense of compassion and understand and you will be able to draw from your own experiences and know what are the right things and the wrong things to say going through people in that scenario, both as a doctor and as a fellow human being.

     

    wow.  that is totally true.  since all this went south 2 days ago, i really have been able to empathize with my patients and their families.  I can tell that they appreciate that and they have responded so well to it but I haven't really been able to put my finger on it until you posted that.  I feel like this has really inspired me to go that extra mile - maybe visit them one last time to update them on anything or just linger a bit longer to make sure there aren't any questions.  This may sound really stupid, but i never realized (in the truest sense of the word) how my words can really change their day.  If I say things with more or less optimism, it ripples to everyone in their family.  I guess its helped me realize how important it is to convey how confident I feel that they're going to get healthy or to sit with them and not rush through when they are going through such a hard time.  Its something that you can't teach in medical school or residency. 

    Thank you everyone for your wonderful words of encouragement.  It helps to disperse the pain a little.  

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  • I am so sorry that your MIL is not well, and I'm sending many prayers to your family that she has a quick recovery!
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