Same-Sex Households
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
**butterflygrooves**
How are you doing? I know we all gave you probably way more advice than one person can handle. So instead of dispensing more unsolicited advice...just wanted to check on how you are doing. I hope you are taking good care of yourself. we're still here 
Re: **butterflygrooves**
Thank you for checking in on me!
I'm doing really well today. DW and I fought pretty badly Thursday and Friday, to the point of me asking her to move out. She apologized, I cried and kept my wall up. Saturday morning we had a small argument before she left the house but she text me later to ask me on a date. She kept it a surprise until I saw the highway we were on and guessed where we were going. She took me to Lake Arrowhead and Big Bear for the day.
It was nice to be alone with her, none of her family and my daughter was at her Dads. It was great to be away from our everyday life and just be together with no set plans. We talked a little bit about how we need that more often, to be away and focus on each other. I let my wall down a little and enjoyed her company.
I'm determined not to give up on our marriage, she is worth every fight. Hopefully she can stick with what she's told me as far as the changes she is going to make.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
Glad to hear you are feeling better. Keep us posted - i know the weekends are slower on this board, yet there is usually someone around whenever you need to reach out. Take good care of yourself and don't second guess your gut feelings.
I can't "ditto" this enough.
That's great that she took you on a date, but this is a classic abuse pattern. Doing just enough to shut you up, no real work on the REAL issues. And what about your daughter and your relationship with her; her trust in you??
Ditto LifesGoodUnwed.
And just in case you don't revisit your previous thread, I'm going to cut and paste oddler's reply, which hit the nail on the head for me:
"THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. There is something seriously wrong with your DW. Because honey if it looks like abuse, talks like abuse, and smells like abuse....its abuse! ...
love is patient, love is kind, love trusts. Love doesn't count the seconds between when you walk in the door and when you kiss her cheek."
The thing that made me saddest was seeing your before and after pics. What's the point of being with someone if they don't even love you for who you really are?
Actually, no, what made me saddest was that she humiliated and manipulated your daughter right in front of you, and your spine has been so crushed by this woman that you just let her. Put yourself and especially your defenseless daughter first, and leave this woman.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
Just to be sure you see my reply...
Oh, well in THAT case...
::pats BG on head::
There there! Everything will work out just fine!
Who has the rainbow unicorn farts?? (I can't find my stash)Like I said in the other post:
They're not being unkind, they simply are giving it to you straight and not sugar-coating the facts. There are clear signs that there is a major issue in your relationship. Look through the "snark" and "criticism" and find the advice. They are only trying to help and are concerned. I am sure if you were in our shoes you would feel the same way. Good luck but it sounds like your DW is an abuser (emotional and possibly physical).
I didn't weigh in on the other thread, but I do want to say that those from TIP who came over did not attack you. You seem to have totally disregarded the very valid points they put out there because you just didn't like the no-nonsense tone.
People are concerned that you are being emotionally abused. And they were concerned that some posters seemed to totally overlook that in favor of "more love". For you to pronounce that they must not care about being in a lasting relationship because they urge you to do what is right for your health and well being, is unfair and ridiculous. FYI-- most of the TIP regulars are there because they are survivors of abuse themselves or are close to someone who is.
If your spouse isn't nearly as controlling as you made her out to be in your OP and your daughter isn't nearly as innocent as you also made her out to be, then the only person you have to be angry with is yourself. Either you consciously misrepresented your relationship, or else you just weren't expecting such straight-forward calling out of what your relationship exactly is.
In both cases, the problem is not that people cared enough for your well being to want to impress upon you how dangerous it is to not take an abusive situation seriously. The problem is that you asked for input but didn't really want it. From that post you made and now this update, it sounds like a very classic abuse situation.
I am sorry you are going through a tough time right now, but I'm not sorry that anyone gave it to you straight.
Are you serious???
I don't think she is being a bad mother...I just think that she is afraid to stand up for herself, just like her daughter is now. Because, she's being abused and repressed. It's horribly sad, and I hope that she DOES get herself and her daughter out of this situation.
And, I'm sorry, but I personally can't stand back and tell someone who spells out examples of abuse and control to just stay and take it. I'm really glad that she came out and asked for advice, and I'm glad that others chimed in with their views.
I honestly hope for nothing but the best for BG! She is a beautiful lady (both before and after her "makeover") and I'm sure she has a beautiful and kind personality also. It would just be a shame if everything she is and was is never allowed to be because she is with an abuser the rest of her life.
Thank you madisonpeas, I appreciate your kind words.
I also have been in a VERY abusive relationship and I know where it can lead (I was taken to a hospital after being almost drowned and having my face kicked into gravel so many times that my Dad had trouble recognizing me). This was 10 years ago but I remember it clear as day.
I am not one to stay in an abusive relationship if I don't see it getting better. I can and will walk away from this if it doesn't change. I hold hope for us but I'm not blind.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
I'm coming into this post real late, but I wanted to say please get out of this relationship. Maybe not permanently, but at least for a little while. Your daughter doesn't deserve this. Do you really want to have to change the way you look whenever she "feels" you need to be more girly, less girly, LESS YOURSELF? You are changing yourself to make someone else happy... in healthy relationships, the person loves you AS YOU ARE.
Physical abuse and emotional abuse can be equally as bad. She may not be banging your head into gravel (yet) but she is certainly belittling you and abusing you to the point that you no longer have a backbone. Would you let your daughter be treated this way by a significant other? I really hope not.
DS #2 on his way!
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