Frustrations

missyann24@hotmail.com

Hi All,

 I am Madisonpeas DW.  I haven't written on here because she writes for herself and on our behalf.  M has told me about all of you and your ups and downs and happys and sads.  She has been telling me about the drop in posters who just had to weigh in on the struggles that Butterfly is going through.  I feel angry and sad that people are so ignorant and so hurtful.  It sounds like you all are so wonderful and supportive of each other.  I so appreciate that there is a Same-Sex Households board where we can discuss our lives with other couples like us.  As the world becomes more accepting, we are not there yet and we have unique challenges and unique lives.  I appreciate all of you being there for each other.

leapgirl8

They do this all the time. I think it's mostly from the TIP board - they spot a post on another board, post the link with tons of snarky comments, then everyone swarms over to the board where the post came from and tell the original poster about how horribly they're being abused and how they're blind to the problem and they have to get out now, etc. It's not just our board, it happens to local boards too. And if you dare to criticize them, it's all "we just care" and "we're just trying to help" and very defensive. (I'm sure I'll get some defensive replies to this very post to prove my point.) It's tiresome. Somebody once posted about living in a new country with their partner and I posted back and said something about how it sounded like their partner was having a hard time adjusting to the new culture and made some suggestions about giving it time, and everyone ran back to the TiP board to make fun of me and how I suggested that the person should just stay in this horrible abusive relationship forever and how useless all our wishy-washy lesbian advice was. It's all hyperbole and fake drama and people who clearly need a little more to do at work.

natluvkris

*clears her throat*

 

A lot of us that reside on TIP have been in abusive relationships and genuinely care that other women are in this sitations. Being a same sex couple doesn't change that a beautiful woman is sacrificing herself to her abuser. If someone is being abused in my state, I will always volunteer to get them and let them stay with me until we can get them where they need to be safe. TIP is really serious about helping these women.

 

I promise you the majority of the replies were not snarky, but meant to help her see how horribly she is being treated. TIP is known for our snark, but we also do help people. We do get people coming back and thanking us for helping them. Our intentions were good, believe that, but this situation saddens me. She is a goregous woman and she deserves better than what she is getting.

 

*steps off soapbox*

natluvkris

Missy just to let you know, you may want to give yourself a nickname so that your email isn't displayed. There are tons of crazies on the nest and people have been known to stalk other nesties. Just an FYI, I wouldn't want any crazies after you. Be safe!

bluedaisyus

okay, you know what? i really dislike drama and i normally ignore these types of posts, but i just can't do it right now--especially not after going back and reading all of the responses and previous posts.

missy, i appreciate you coming on here and trying to stick up for butterfly, i really do, but this is not a case of some random people finding their way onto our board to stir up trouble. they didn't come here and post on other random threads (which wouldn't bother me anyway), they posted a reply on a thread asking for advice. these people are coming here to try to help someone they see in a damaging and hurtful situation. we are in a unique situation being in same-sex relationships, yes, but abuse and domestic violence happens in our community, too, and anyone who thinks otherwise is deluding themselves. this is not a gay/straight issue. and frankly--whether she admits it or not--it certainly sounds from butterfly's posts like she is at minimum in an unhealthy relationship, and likely an emotionally abusive situation for her and her little girl.

i'm sorry, but i've been that little girl. i am not okay with this.

ittybittyb*tchy

bluedaisyus:

okay, you know what? i really dislike drama and i normally ignore these types of posts, but i just can't do it right now--especially not after going back and reading all of the responses and previous posts.

missy, i appreciate you coming on here and trying to stick up for butterfly, i really do, but this is not a case of some random people finding their way onto our board to stir up trouble. they didn't come here and post on other random threads (which wouldn't bother me anyway), they posted a reply on a thread asking for advice. these people are coming here to try to help someone they see in a damaging and hurtful situation. we are in a unique situation being in same-sex relationships, yes, but abuse and domestic violence happens in our community, too, and anyone who thinks otherwise is deluding themselves. this is not a gay/straight issue. and frankly--whether she admits it or not--it certainly sounds from butterfly's posts like she is at minimum in an unhealthy relationship, and likely an emotionally abusive situation for her and her little girl.

i'm sorry, but i've been that little girl. i am not okay with this.

This is so well said! 

hindsight's_a_biotch

Please help me understand because it sounds to me like some of you are saying that being mistreated in a relationship is okay because it's part of being misunderstood in a same sex relationship. And I'm sure that's not what you are saying.

And from the other posts, honey, not all abuse is the same. I know you said you were in an violent relationship before. But the fact is, someone can be abusive in ways that look very different from what you are used to. Maybe DW is insecure, maybe she's scared. But that's no excuse for her to break you down emotionally and to make you fully responsible for her happiness to the point of paranoia.

This is an issue that effects all women, regardless of their partner's gender. We just don't want to see anyone treated this way. And we worry for the effects it will have on the woman and her daughter.

ETA: And FWIW, I think because you guys put up with so much shiit from the rest of the world, it's even more important that your spouse by a good, strong support for you and not a hinderance.

KimNSandy

Wow..I didn't go back and read the additional responses to the WWYD post by Butterfly until this morning..where to my surprise, I found there was actually ALOT more going on in her relationship than what she  listed in the OP. So when I gave my advice, it was based on the limited info in the OP and I had no idea about any "abuse" of any kind. Therefore, the snarky response I got to my post was really unnecessary. But that's the way it goes on The Nest sometimes.

As for her situation, the other posters who advised her to put her child first were absolutely correct and I sincerely hope she gets help one way or another.

We wish her GL in finding her way and helping herself and her child soon...

Mrs._F

hindsight's_a_biotch:

...it sounds to me like some of you are saying that being mistreated in a relationship is okay because it's part of being misunderstood in a same sex relationship. And I'm sure that's not what you are saying.

Absolutely no one is saying that.  I believe some statistics have shown that less abused people in ss relationships report it or seek help, because of the added stigma, but no one is saying that is OK to be abused in any way by your same-sex partner.  Just to clarify.

leapgirl8

Please note that I didn't say anything about her relationship and I did not indicate that the I thought the way her partner is acting is "OK." Nobody said that. All of the original replies (that I read, anyway) said something along the lines of "yes, there is a control problem and you guys need to get help/do something about it." I'm not saying that people aren't welcome to come here and give advice, just that I have seen this pattern repeated on this board many times and much of what is said is, in my opinion, over the top. And saying that doesn't mean that I'm OK with domestic violence. Come on, give me a little credit. 

Meegs10.13.06

bluedaisyus:

okay, you know what? i really dislike drama and i normally ignore these types of posts, but i just can't do it right now--especially not after going back and reading all of the responses and previous posts.

missy, i appreciate you coming on here and trying to stick up for butterfly, i really do, but this is not a case of some random people finding their way onto our board to stir up trouble. they didn't come here and post on other random threads (which wouldn't bother me anyway), they posted a reply on a thread asking for advice. these people are coming here to try to help someone they see in a damaging and hurtful situation. we are in a unique situation being in same-sex relationships, yes, but abuse and domestic violence happens in our community, too, and anyone who thinks otherwise is deluding themselves. this is not a gay/straight issue. and frankly--whether she admits it or not--it certainly sounds from butterfly's posts like she is at minimum in an unhealthy relationship, and likely an emotionally abusive situation for her and her little girl.

i'm sorry, but i've been that little girl. i am not okay with this.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

In follow up posts there are so many more red flags. And the before and after pictures she posted made me sad, what a 180. If it was a change she wanted, fine, but it didn't sound that way at all... and if butterfly feels she can't even have control over her own hair and makeup, well that is a problem.

imoan

I am beside myself that people think that supporting people in trying to get out of an abusive relationship is being "snarky".

I'm just saddened by this entire post.