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Talking to an ex
Had a little debate with one of my girlfriends I saw this past weekend.
She says: "What's the big deal talking to an ex? I still email & have lunch with my ex".
I think the reason why I have an issue with this is she's been married for just over 2 years & she is 5 months pg, the ex she is referring to is one she dated for 3 years and at one time she considered to be "the one". Then they broke up and it wasn't a good break up. He wasn't ready to propose and settle down and she took it pretty hard. 2 years later, she met DH.
Now, to each their own but I know I couldn't still speak to an ex and not sure I'd want DH doing that either. Both of our previous relationships before each other were long term and it would just be to weird, to many memories.
Is it normal to talk/have lunch with an ex and I'm the wierd one?
Re: Talking to an ex
All my exes are jerks and I wouldn't talk to them even if I was single. I had one guy I used to talk to contact me via email recently--I ignored it. Mike wouldn't talk to his exes either--he had some real winners too.
Lisa Beth
TTC #1 since 08/11 IUI#2 = BFP!
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I had two serious BF's before DH and I am still friends with them both. The one that I dated the longest (a year and a half as a sophomore in college) I haven't seen since we broke up, but I talk to him semi-regularly online - maybe once every few months. The other guy I dated for a short while (when I was a senior in college) but has been a wonderful friend for many years, since we were in middle school. I talk to him at least every few weeks on AIM. Neither live anywhere near me, though I'd have no problem hanging out with DH and the second guy. The first BF was slightly annoying, but still okay.
We had amicable break-ups and they are both decent human beings - we just weren't right for one another. DH is cool with me talking to them and I'm always very transparent about our convos online - DH could look over my shoulder and he'd see nothing other than "How's school going?" or "How's married life?"
DH still plays 360 with one of the girls he dated. She's annoying in my book, but I don't care that they still play together.
I think it just comes down to the fact that neither of us really had any really bad break-ups and now our ex's are friends. I trust him, he trusts me, and we roll with it.
I still talk to two of my exes, the others I avoid if at all possible. One of them because I have to be civil...we were acquaintances through really good friends (My MOH and her husband) for awhile before we dated. I'm not willing to give up those friends and I don't expect them to take sides (although they both think he treated me like *** and have offered to make him leave their parties if I'm going to be there...he's one of those guys who is really nice until you date him, then he turns into a jackass).
The other one I talk to voluntarily. He is a really great guy, we just dated at the wrong time for both of us. We had an amicable break-up and he ended up marrying someone I really like and had been friends with for years before either of us dated him.
Dennis used to hang out with his ex in Canada before he moved here. I was uncomfortable with it because after he told her he was with me she still admitted her feelings for him, insisted that she "always thought they'd be together in the end", and requested that he sleep with her "one last time". He shot her down on all of them and some she dropped (like the sex request), others she continued ("I really thought we'd be together")...I wasn't comfortable with him spending time with her and he volunteered to stop.We completely agree with this. I dated a guy for a couple years in college before meeting H. The guy was a jerk and Sean knows him (they both played baseball).
The guy called me the Friday before our wedding. I didn't answer, but for fear he would call at an akward time I texted him the next day and said "I am not going to answer or return your calls. I think you understand why" He didn't call me again. It's even weirder because it's not like he is single. Last year he moved to Vermont with his girlfriend!
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When Steve and I met, we were 32 and 26, so of course we both had previous relationships. He has an ex-wife - whom I've actually met. They get along just fine (Steve actually introduced her to her current husband!) but live in different states so they don't get together. When we do run into her and her husband through mutual friends maybe once a year, we all chat easily enough, but it's HER husband who acts awkward. She and Steve divorced after 5 years because they realized way too late in the game that they never should've been more than friends. So no hard feelings there.
His other exes have dropped off the planet... except we infrequently run into his most recent ex before me. She still thinks I "replaced" her, and she's extremely unpleasant and literally turns and walks the other way when she sees us. So no danger there!
One college ex of mine became one of my best friends and was at our wedding with his own wife. Another I still email with occasionally and have nothing but good wishes for - we were never serious anyway. And my longest-term ex (2.5 years) is happily married himself in New Zealand, and we're Facebook friends. The others have disappeared and that's fine by me.
TTC #1 since January 2013
I have an ex from college that I'm good friends with. We were friends first, tried dating (which was a huge disaster) and a few years later went back to being friends. I was at his wedding and he and his wife were at mine.
We only dated for a couple of months 8 years ago - it's not much more than a blip on the radar at this point.
Our situation is a little different, because we met in high school and were friends for 2 years before we started dating. I know all of his exes and he knows mine. DH has an ex that he dated on and off before we started dating. I was friends with both of them during that time. When DH and I started dating, they still hung out and I was fine with that. We are both still close with her, and she stood up with him in the wedding (which was perfect, because I had too many girls already). And we are going to visit her and her boyfriend in Boston at the end of this month!
Another funny story? One of my ex-boyfriends and his ex-girlfriends got married last August
But, like I said, our situation is different. I'm not sure how I'd feel if I didn't know the person.