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Need to vent
Without going into too much detail.
The last 4 wks have been pretty rough on me emotionally. My mom asked me for a favor 1.5 wks ago, but I told her I couldn't make the decision immediately and had to discuss with DH... she got all insulted telling me that I was turning my back on the family. That evening, after discussing with DH, we agreed to help. But to her that was too late... she found someone else that could help.
Well, now she won't talk to me... she gives me the cold shoulder. And when she does call she gives me attitude, asking why I didn't do x, y, z. I really don't want to see her face. I want to visit my dad and sisters, but have no interest in being around her.
She's hurt me so much... and not only this occurance. She and I have never had a true mother/daughter relationship. I always feel that she's jealous or something of me... and I feel she even thinks evil thoughts of me. She's a lot like my grandfather... attention seeker.
Now, I'm all worried/nervouse/worked up... b/c of her! I have other things to worry about that to deal w/ more bullsh*t. Plus, the drama unravelled 4 wks ago I'm still trying to get over. She thinks that it isn't a big deal... and that I should support 100%. Sorry Charlie... like isn't like that.
And I feel that it may ruin my relationship w/ my family all together. I mostly feel horrible for DH to bringing him into (unwillingly) the mess.
::sigh:: Thanks for listening... if you got this far.
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
Re: Need to vent
Wow, I'm so sorry you are having to go through this and to be going through it because of your mom of all people. What do your dad and sisters say about the situation between the 2 of you? Can they intervene at all? Would your dad/sisters come visit you at your house so you can avoid going to their house for a while?
Jackie-- Sorry you're going through a tough time with your mother. Maybe you can call your sisters and see maybe you can go to the movies together, what about a father-daughter outing? If you don't want it to ruin the family relationship all together then be proactive....do your best to make it known to them that the argument is w/your mother and not them. They should understand that.
It seems as if your mom just wants to push your buttons. That's why she keeps calling and giving attitude...have you tried ignoring her? If she's seeking attention ignoring her might be your best route. This might be a silly question but have you tried confronting her w/the issue??
Aww Jackie I'm sorry you're going through this. I can totally relate to your momma drama....trust me when I say I so relate. Anyways she seems like a personality that you're either with her or against her. You can't have a logic conversation with someone who's motives are completely selfish and all they seem to be able to do is manipulate. It's a vicious cirlcle. She makes you feel like crap now, so that next time she needs somethign from you she feels she has more control over you. The best recommendation I can give you is to stand up for yourself. I know the easiest thing to do is to avoid her all together, but avoiding the problem won't make it go away. I'm not saying go have a big blow out confrontation. All I'm saying is next time she ask you for something you're not comfortable be very very blunt, rude almost. I know this doesn't make sense but the times I've done this to my mom, it's kind of startled her, and even though she didn't like it she backed off.
I would probably stay away for just a bit until things cool down. Not because you're avoiding your mom per se, but because you are furious at your mom. I know I would be. Allow yourself to cool down, and when you're back in your comfort zone go visit your family, just don't wait too long.
Make a pregnancy ticker
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First IuI, Clomid and Ovideral. 8/14 and 08/15=BFN!
Second IuI, Clomid and Ovideral. 9/13 and 9/14=BFN
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Thanks ladies.
Yes Cynthia... I have confronted her. For the past 1.5 wks I've tried to put things behind me and just move forward. I've called her almost every time we've spoken. If I don't call her, she won't call. And if she does call she'll respond w/ a lot of attitide "you don't plan on calling to find out about x.y.z?"
Johana - you know exactly what I'm going through... you wrote it perfectly.
I tried to explain to her today why she's "wrong" and misinterpreted the situation, but she brings up other bogus accusations. Then she startes yelling... and to cut me off and hang up she'll just say "well you are at work and you can't talk." and click! MATURE.
And of course my dad and sisters know only her story... and not the truth!
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett
Oh Jackie, I'm so sorry. I kind of agree with Johanna though. My mom used to go through this whole guilt trip with me if things didn't go exactly her way. Eventually, she learned that I just wasn't going to give in. Also, know that you're doing the right thing. Even though you and your mom aren't seeing eye to eye, keep on calling her even if she doesn't call you. She will *hopefully* see the error of her ways.
Also, you said that your sisters and dad only know her side. Have they brought up the situation to you? Maybe you can offer your side of the story so they have a more accurate representation of exactly what happened. Perhaps if they know more details, they can help to show your mom that her actions were wrong.
Either way, we're here for you. Good luck!
Jackie, glad you're able to vent to us. It seems that she's being unfair to you and prolonging the tension between you. I'm sorry you're going through this, I can understand how your frustration probably has your stomach in knots. No one likes to argue with a family member, especially if it doesn't get resolved right away.
I hope that in time she can see your side of things....the only thing you could do is try to appeal to her feelings and perhaps schedule a meeting for you 2 to talk about it rationally and calmly without any accusations (unless you just want to put it behind you).
Again, I hope that time does heal all wounds...
Jackie-- Maybe you need to talk to her face to face so she can't run away from the conversation. And like Johanna said, be blunt. There's nothing wrong with that, especially if you've tried to say it in another manner and she's just not understanding it.
And if your dad and sister only know her story its up to you to make them aware of your side. Like I said be proactive. I wouldn't want my brother to gang up on me b/c of an argument w/my mom. Maybe you should 1st talk with your sister and see what she says about the entire situation...maybe she's just like, you know what I don't even want to get involved in it. Maybe she'll give you a feel about your father and his feelings. But I say def be proactive, this is your sister & father...you don't want the relationship to suffer over a problem that has nothing to do with them.
Girl, I can totally relate. Just to put things in perspective...my mother is 100% drama queen. I kind of think of her as a small child that needs lots of tlc and attention otherwise she freaks! We went through some rough stuff soon after I got married. I don't think she handled the empty nest syndrome too well.
I dont know what your issue is exactly but on the communication aspect of it all, I think its a difficult situation because it is not someone you can just brush off and not speak to ever again- its your Mother! Also, becuase it is your mother and not just some friend who is acting silly it hits an even harder nerve. Your mother of all people should not be treating you this way so it hurts. Right?
The way I have dealt with situations like these in the past is #1. Give yourself a little bit of time to cool off #2. Talk to her....talk it out until you are blue in the face....you are going to have to talk through her stubborness (do it in person if it makes it easier). #3. Have patience. Its your mom bottom line and you both know very well that family is very important...more important in some cases than many other things.
I hope you understand my point! Hang in there and paciencia!
Thanks to everyone for their advice.
I had plans to visit my parents after work, but got out super late w/ a migraine... so I went straight home. When I got home, she called, and acted like if nothing had happened, asking me what I was up to. I swear she's bipolar.
"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane" -- Jimmy Buffett