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I think my teenage daughter might be trying to tell me she's gay
Or bi.
We have always had a number of gay friends so I would hope she knows it's OK with us. She is going to be a junior in high schol, goes to an all girls school, although she has been interested in boys has never had a date.
In the past couple of weeks I have noticed a lot of references to bisexual women and/or lesbians. Kind of what Bridget Jones wold call name-drop-itis; bringing it up when it really doesn't fit in the conversation.
Every time she does both DH and I are very positive: she may say "You know Sally from my chemistry class is gay" We say "Oh, she's such a nice girl, is she dating a girl from school or did she meet her girlfriend somewhere else?" or Her: "Is (insert name of movie star here) gay?" Us: "Well she was married to (insert rock star name here) but sometimes people realize they are gay later in life, or decide that they might be attracted to both men and women. I think as long as you are a good person and good to the people around you it doesn;t really matter how you or other people label you."
My question: am I being too passivly politically correct? Does she want me to say "DD are you wondering if you are gay?"
Re: I think my teenage daughter might be trying to tell me she's gay
I think the answer to that question is going to be different for each person. I know that if it was me, I would have been really uncomfortable if my parents had asked me - in fact, I was really uncomfortable, pissed, and defensive. It took me a looooong time to come to terms with the fact that i was gay. it was a process of learning about myself and the community (ie: i always wanted to know who else was gay to compare myself to them). I went through a number of stages beginning with "I'm straight but just happen to like this one girl" to "i'm just exploring my options" to"maybe i'm bi" ect ect. So to have my parents suggest that I was gay before I was ready to accept it for myself was really unnerving.
So, I'd sit back and wait for your daughter to come to you. Sounds like you have a great line of communication open and you are making it clear to your daughter that you are accepting. Basically, you're doing a great job
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
I think ctbride has the right idea - I think "are you wondering if you're gay" may be a little too direct. The process of discovering your sexuality can be long and confusing.
I think you are responding in a great way now. I didn't have any reason to believe that my parents would be upset when I came out - and yet, I was still scared to tell them. So all of the positive messages that you are dropping into conversation can only help reassure her and make her less nervous about talking to you if she is gay, or bi or questioning.
If her name-drop-itis and hint dropping intensifies, I think it would be safe to say "You know your dad and I would be totally fine with it whether you're gay or straight, right?" - but you can judge what you feel comfortable with.
Good luck!
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
Ditto pp. It sounds like you are doing a great job at keeping the line of communication open! Your daughter is very lucky to have parents like you!