friend vent..very long

romigu

soooo i'm in another one of these stupid flaky friend situations.  one of my friends from Miami who was one of my bridesmaids is completely freezing me out of her life.  She actually moved to Austin (her brother lived here) and we set her up with one of DH's close friends and they hit it off. 

Sooo...just after they got together back in January (when it was still on the DL that they were together), she started pulling the typical dump your friends for the guy you're dating crap and I was really hurt.  First of all, DH went to Argentina that month because his aunt was dying and I was extremely depressed.  I was counting on her to be there for me since she was the only friend I had here and she totally flaked.  So then I sent her an email about it (after a few glasses of wine) that turned out to be very blunt and sort of harsh.  I called her out on not being there for me and that she did this with the last person she dated and that I hoped she wouldn't do it again.  Not the best decision that I made but whatever.  So she freaked out and it just went back and forth for about 2 months with multiple fights including one public yelling match at a bar.  Also after a few glasses..

Things had gotten weird and never really went back to the way they were before we all moved here but now we don't even talk.   About a month ago we were degraded to texting and she would never return my calls...just would text me back.  

Well, for DH's bday I had wanted to have a cookout the weekend before since I had to work the weekend after his birthday. When I asked her to come, she said her mom was coming into town and couldn't make it but I should come to lunch with them. So I ended up not planning the bbq but I still wanted to meet with them for lunch but when I asked her, she told me her mom wasn't coming into town until the weekend after DH's birthday. That was kind of confusing since I thought that was the whole reason why she couldnt' come to cook out but when I texted her that (after leaving a few unreturned voicemails) she said that she thought I was planning for the weekend after DH's birthday and that she didn't appreciate my "accusatory tone" in my text.  I sent her a ton of texts afterwards and voicemails that we should talk and resolve that crap and she said "we"ll talk later". 

 And that was the last communication we had....almost 3 weeks ago. 

I almost feel like this is some awkward relationship where "he's just not that into me".  She is clearly sending me a message that she doesn't want to be friends but how can she just give up like that?    ahhh...need advice. 

julissa11

I feel your pain.....just realize that not every friend is meant to be a lifelong friend....The signals she is sending you are very clear....try not calling her for a while and she if makes any moves towards restoring this friendship.  If it's important to her she will call....you have obviously tried your best - there's only so much you can do!  HTH

romigu

Virginny

My sister is going through a flaky friend situation as well and my sister surprised me. She told me that she has had enough and is going to de-thrown this "friend" of her bridesmaid status and basically ask her not to call.

This "friend" has never given, she has always taken. And it sounds to me like your friend isn't giving anything to you in your relationship, either. If you have to wait for her to come around after 3 weeks and after all the akwardness of the texting, I'd say drop her. I'm finding that your pool of true friends gets smaller and smaller as we get older. 

I'm sorry that you're having drama. 

Mrs.HisOnly

I have no advice but I just wanted to say I feel your pain because I'm going through some serious friend issues too.

::hug::

JennyLo26

Rossanna,

::hugs:: I dont have much advice to give on your specific situation but I just want to say that I too can relate on some levels. I had some pretty crappy friendships fizzle this year.

 All I can say from everything I have learned is...as we grow into adulthood we really really realize who our real friends are and they come few and far in between. Hang on to the ones that are there for you through anything because those are the ones that will see you through any situation.

Melissa011983

I am very sorry you are going through this, and I too can relate although my situation is not the same it is hurtful when a person you care about is not returning your calls...Just give her some space and see what happens!!!  Sometimes people need to get over the anger in order to see clearly and perhaps that is what is happening right now.

:Hugs: I do hope it works out for you!

Gladys0410

Rosanna,

first, wanted to say xoxoxo to you!!! I am sorry that this is happening to you.  I have no advice, since you are the only one that can decide what to do.  I went through something similar, and even though we talk now, our friendship has never been the same.   I hope that you follow you heart, and it's good that you told her exactly how you feel, perhaps that will make her realize, that you can not give up on your friends for a guy... your friends were there before, and will continue to be there.  It's possible to have relationship and preserve your friendships... imagine, life without friends (sad).

Wife2DJ

I know exactly how you feel. I just went through the same thing but you know what I realized, screw them. You have done 200%, and she's not responding it is time to just move on. It is not worth your time, and it will hurt. I know I am hurting after realizing that my friend of 13 years is a total flake but at the end of the day remember it is the quality of friends you have not the quantity. I know have a close group of gfs and I have never been happy.

::hugs:: Good luck, and if anything I am more than willing to fly to TX and kick some @$$