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Okay. Let's talk about division of labor betw you and YH/DH
I was a little frustrated yesterday.
I did about 4 loads of laundry, cleaned the bathroom tub, sink, and toilet, washed the bathroom throw rugs. DH folded the laundry (I kinda put them on the bed where he was watching a movie like I usually do) and asked him to wash up the few dishes we had in the sink.
When I noticed it was getting late and the dishes hadn't been washed, something rose up in me and I got mad! Here I am constantly in motion, and there he is... watching TV after the movie. After the movie, I asked him again, and he seemed mad. He got up and washed them, but he was mad. Yes, he apologized this morning, but gosh!
Thinking about it today and last night, I think that I do most of the housework although we both work FT. Maybe it's because I'm off a few days a wk (long work days), so on those days, I usually am doing household chores. When we first got married, I volunteered to do the laundry because he ruined/shrunk some of my clothes by washing it in warm water and/or putting it in the dryer. 
He was just used to wash and wear stuff for himself or things that needed to be taken to the dry cleaner. Not delicate cycle stuff.
We do need to talk about this again. Probably tonight when he gets home. I was too mad to talk about it last night. So was he.
I do most of the weeknight cooking; DH usually does the weekend. I do the laundry; He'll fold them if he's home. He usually takes out the trash. We both do the dishes. Because I'm home more, I usually do most of the household cleaning now that I think about it.
What about you? Do you guys have "assigned" household chores? Do you feel they are divided evenly/fairly?
I know that "Love keeps no record of wrong" as that Bible scripture says from the Love chapter, I Corinthians. But I sure had a list in my mind last night! 
:::Praying now: I'm sorry, God!:::
Re: Okay. Let's talk about division of labor betw you and YH/DH
Hehe, cute
I need to remember that verse more often myself!
But yeah, actually, MH and I had some issues with laundry so we ended up deciding on me always washing/drying the loads and him folding/putting away the clothes. Speaking of which, I think I'm behind on the washing/drying =P
And then I cook and MH cleans the dishes and kitchen, which is really nice =P
I usually clean the bathroom sink/mirrors/toilet. MH cleans the floors and usually vacuums.
I also organize things a bit more (when I have time) around the house in general.
BUT what MH does that is the best is wake up at 5am (while I sleep through it) when the pooches are whining to go potty and walks them down from our 3rd floor apartment and brings them back up again =P He also usually cleans after them when they have accidents in the house or in their cages but I'll do it like once every 5-10 times or so...
Ours is interesting.
He does the kitchen and I do everything else.
hehehe, sure it doesn't sound balanced, but it works for me. I hate the kitchen. I was raised to hate the kitchen. My mom always complained about cooking, grease, dishes, scrubbing pots and pans, mopping... on and on about how horrible it was. So... I don't have that joy and comfort that most people have in the kitchen. I love to bake. However, I'm terrible with preparing a full meal. My H loves to shop for food and cook meals. He doesn't love cleaning, but will do the kitchen. I don't mind the dishwasher type stuff... as long as I don't have to scrub pots. The only time I get annoyed is when he uses a lot of pots/pans/mixing bowls/utensils/food processor and leaves them there overnight and flies out for work in the morning (travels a lot with his job). Ewww. That makes me feel like a sucker.
I take care of the rest of the household stuff... vacuum, dust, bathrooms, bedrooms, trash/recycle, laundry. He cuts the grass. I cut the bushes. He's much stronger than I am... and is very patient with my garden projects (usually have him digging holes, hauling heavy plants, rocks, etc) while I pull weeds, fertilize, trim.
He just replaced all of the smoke detectors and changed out the filters. I would say he does the periodic projects that require a ladder or tools.
He has a wonderful attitude about running out to the store to pick up things on the spur of the moment. I can't tell you how much that means to me. He'll just run out to the store to pick up whatever is needed (could be ice cream... could be a paint brush).
I don't know if this helps, b/c our division of tasks isn't common. I'm just throwing it out there to show that even when things aren't equally divided, they can still be good.
My suggestion is to figure out which jobs you like (or don't mind) and which jobs you hate. What are his? For instance, my H will scrub a skillet covered with greasy burned on sausage with a smile... but, don't ask him to fold two perfectly clean socks together. I thought socks would be a good job for my 7 year old. Nope. She hates laundry, too. I love laundry!!! I wish there were other household chores that I could drop a pile of dirtiness in a box and have it emerge clean and smelling great.
I should add that my daughter helps, too. She doesn't have real chores. Know what she loves? Cleaning anything with a sponge. She's not great... but, she likes it. Her jobs are wiping down the shower door, wiping kitchen counters and cabinets, spraying vinegar/water on the outside windows and wiping them, cleaning the patio table, etc. Every little thing helps.
Good luck.
Newlyweds since 2007
Good topic! I think we all deal with this at some point!
DH and I now have a pretty good division of labor. I'm lucky that my DH is a semi-neat-freak and is a busy body by nature. And although I might take on a little bit more of the domestic duties, I don't mind because DH always thanks me for taking good care of the house (even when I'm slacking) and doesn't mind helping out more when asked.
We both work FT, but I am self-employed and, honestly, my work is completed in about 25-30 hours a week. For that reason, I expect to do a little more around the house... I do the shopping, cooking, and most of the kitchen cleaning. I run the errands and prep DH's lunch each day. I wash the laundry and fold it. I also vaccuum and tidy up the house, but probably not as often as DH would like.
DH does a lot of work fixing things, cleaning bathrooms, and picking up after our dog and tending to the yard each day. He also works a lot on our DIY home improvements -- gotta LOVE the handy hubby!
I often wish DH would slow it down and take more time to relax... because I, for one, have no problem putting things off till "later." Really, though, it's so much work to keep a house up, even if it's just the two of us. I feel like we're always doing something... now I know why many of my DINK friends on the mainland hire cleaning help.
We used to have a much more uneven division of labor until I started laying down the law a bit more. Ben would do the dishes, and I'd do...pretty much everything else. So one night, I sat him down and I listed the things I did and the things he did, and he saw right there in black and white how uneven it was. It's still probably a bit uneven, but it's a lot closer now.
I cook - he does the dishes.
I do the laundry because I don't mind doing it - he hates it, so he vacuums instead (I do occasionally vacuum, and he does help put the clothes away in the closet).
I clean the bathroom - he cleans the kitchen.
I pick up the bits and pieces lying around the house and dust a bit - he cleans the kitty litter tray and picks up the dog poo in the yard.
I make the bed and draw up grocery shopping lists - he mows the lawn and (usually) takes out the trash.
I do still have to remind him to do most of these things, and give him a timeframe to work in (eg I can't just say "Can you take out the trash," since that means anytime between now and next year - I have to say, "Can you take out the trash before dinner tonight?"), but it's still MUCH better than it used to be.
Like surfinbride, I don't think our division of labor is 50/50, but it works for us. We split chores like tidying the living room, taking out the trash, cleaning the cat box... whoever sees it first takes care of it. We each do our own personal laundry and clean our own bathrooms. I do the shared laundry like sheets and towels, the grocery shopping and cooking (all are kinda fun for me, I'm weird like that). He does light kitchen duties like clearing the table and loading the dishwasher, and I take care of the counters, floors, and all of the dishes that need to be hand-washed. J will not wash dishes by hand, ever. Doesn't matter if it's a saucepot or a fork... he'll happily stand next to me with a towel and dry them when I'm done, but he won't wash them himself.
Every once in a while, it does get to me. After a long day at work, I go to the grocery, prepare and cook an entire meal, finally sit down to eat at like 8:30pm... and when he clears the table he says "Hey, let's take care of these pots before we get settled!" Can I sit still for 30 seconds?! I've been in there for the past 90 minutes while you were playing Xbox or whatever! You take care of them! But he won't, unless I tell him if he's so concerned about it, he can take care of it himself (in a very unpleasant tone of voice).
In return for the cleaning stuff, J takes care of all of the banking and bills. That makes it worthwhile for me because I'm not good with money management - I just never have been. When I lived alone, my finances were a mess. I don't spend a lot, but I'm forgetful... I would remind myself every day for a week to pay the CC bill on Friday, and come Friday I'd completely space it and the payment would be late. I hated that constant nagging worry that I'd forgotten something, so I handed it all over to J and now things are always on time and my credit rating has improved greatly. We have frequent "state of the union" discussions about how we're doing and what's coming up, I decide how much I want to pay toward my personal bills, but he takes care of all of the details. God bless him.
..... I'm afraid the situation for us is reversed... DH does more housework than me
He does the laundry... because he runs out of clothes much sooner than me. I can go a month without doing laundry.. yay I know.. i have a lot of clothes.
He takes out the trash.. because I just don't do trash
We share cleaning of bathroom.. but I must admit he does that more.
He also vacuums more than me.
I do cook and do the dishes.
I tend to clean more when DH is away. When he is here, I would rather sit on the couch and watch TV with him.
We've actually had arguments about my terrible cleaning habits. And I have tried to pick up after myself more... but it's hard..
I (maybe selfishly) divided the chores by what I couldn't stand! He did the bathrooms and the folding and I did the washing/drying, kitchen cleaning, and other misc. stuff. We both got overwhelmed and frustrated with each other.
However, we began having a cleaning lady about every 2 weeks and that has been awesome, because I realized we both like to be neat but we both hate deep cleaning and don't have a ton of time after work/weekends. Also, while I love the fact that our house has hardwoods throughout the entire main living area (basement is carpet) it's a lot of work and I also don't like cleaning stainless steel - ICK. Of course we keep things tidy, counters washed up, dishes/laundry done in the interrim (and honestly I probably do most of that, but it's me that mostly insisted on a cleaning person, so I don't mind).
She doesn't clean the basement, so MH makes sure it's vacuumed and he dusts his TV/electronics (he also still folds clothes b/c he watches more tv than I do so it's easier to throw them in front of him while he's watching a movie).
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)
I was lopsided until I discovered something, my DH loves lists. At work each day we will e-mail each other ane develop the nights "plan of attack". What ever you do, don't call it a to do list or honey do. Plan of attack seems much more manly to him.
Together we make a list of what needs to be done that day. They we split the list 50/50. There are some things I know that will always fall to me like dinner and dog walk, but they he does the stuff I really don't like such as sweeping, cleaning the bathroom, mowing etc.
great topic! i've said before to my friends that the number 1 secret to a happy marriage is hiring a housecleaner
seriously though, i *hate* scrubbing, mopping, vacuuming, dusting, etc. I never did it as a kid - my mom has had her cleaning lady for as long as I can remember - at least the 80's. so i never learned to like that stuff, or do it well. but i also hate having a dirty house, it drives me nuts. i've had 2 meltdowns since we've moved in together - both due to the house being a mess. 
first time was 5 days after i moved in - house had basically not been cleaned in over 3 years - eww. second time was when we had a bunch of water damage that needed to be cleaned up, and it took months.
so, we have a housecleaner who comes every other week. MH understood that was part of the bargain before he married me
we both tidy up, put things away, and straighten before our housecleaner comes. i love that b/c he comes every other week, things can never get too dirty or messy!
as for the other stuff, we've mostly split it by what we like/don't like to do. I wash the laundry, he will help fold probably 75% of the time. i generally put everything away, unless I specifically ask him, "can you please take these clothes upstairs tonight?" otherwise, they can sit on the couch for days and MH won't notice them. like redshoegirl said, w/o a timeframe, nothing happens. but if i give him deadlines, he's usually good about following them. he's not allowed to wash my clothes.
sometimes, if, say, i'm out of town for a week, he'll do a load or two of his own laundry - but he knows better than to touch mine! he throws everything in together w/o caring about what color it is, whether it can be dried in the dryer, etc. plus, i like doing laundry, for the same reason pp mentioned - it comes out all clean and yummy smelling!
he takes out the trash, recycling, and compost. he manages the patch of weeds we have - which is to say, he doesn't do much. but i don't touch it. i may want to start a garden next year, which means i'll ask him to actually clear out the weeds, then i'll probably take over. we'll see. he changes lightbulbs, filters, etc - any random house stuff that needs to be taken care of.
the last big thing, i think, is cooking...i do most of the cooking, though he will combine ingredients and heat things up
that being said, we honestly don't cook much. i get meals at work - so i often just bring home some stuff for dinner for us to share. i only cook maybe once a week - on the weekend - if even 
i do enjoy cooking, and i miss it, but haven't made it a priority to cook more, sigh. we still manage to generate a lot of dirty dishes though, from breakfast and tupperware containers, heh. i do all the dishes - he hates doing dishes, and i don't mind them. if there's a lot though, like after a dinner party, he'll help rinse and put stuff in the dishwasher. but generally, i take care of all the dishes.
my general philosophy is that MH just doesn't care about dirty dishes in the sink, huge piles of dirty laundry, dust bunnies everywhere, etc - i honestly believe he just doesn't notice and doesn't see it. it doesn't bother him. but, it bothers me - i take care of the things that bother me, and i shouldn't complain about it. there's no sense nagging him about it. that's what i tell myself, at least! it works most of the time
phew, sorry this was so long!
I will do pretty much all the cleaning and cooking. I like to think that I am a bit of a neat freak. Everything has it's place. There is one room that we have in our home which is MH "man den" that is his own space for video games and stuff and off limits to my organizing, which I must admit does drive me a little crazy. The funny thing is he knows where everything is!!!
The laundry is the one thing that we do on our own. In the past I have accidentally put some of his favourite shirts in the dryer and they no longer fit. Other than that he will take care of any repairs that need fixing, since I am not really mechanically minded. It really works well for us.
Honestly, I do all of the cooking, and most of the cleaning. He does his own laundry (I don't trust anyone doing mine, as I have a hard enough time finding pants that are long enough without someone shrinking them!). Like pp, out ideas of clean are very different. He can't stand clutter, while clutter doesn't bother me, but "clean" does. He barely owned any cleaning products when we met, but everything is always very organized with him. Like someone else said, I don't think he even "see" the dirty. The dustbunnies and toothpaste-splattered mirror go right past him.
But I don't really mind much. He does all household repairs, which I really can't do. And when I need anything done to help me (drying dishes, vacuuming on his day off when I work, picking up dinner when I'm just too tired to make it), he does it and never complains. I usually only have to ask once. We did agree, though, on a weekly cleaning service once we have kids.
First of all, I think you're going through what many, many couples experience, and you're right! You need to discuss this so that you both feel your dividing the household responsibilities equitably.
Now, to answer your questions....
We don't really have assigned chores, but typically, I take care of the inside of the house and he takes care of the outside. By outside I mean not only yardwork, garbage/recycling, but also cars (gas and maintenance), banking and bill paying (I update our spreadsheet every month and he schedules the online payments and writes/mails checks), changing the air filters in the house, etc.
Now that I am PG and my mom is living with us, she and I share the "inside duties" such as dishes, vaccumming, dusting, mopping, cleaning the bathroom/kitchen, making beds, laundry, decluttering, etc. but before I was PG, I did it primarily.
We all share responsibilities on grocery shopping, pet care (4 dogs and a cat), and laundry (he'll typically wash and I will fold/put away...my does her own and sometimes will do ours, if she needs to get hers done too). I maintain our office equipment (make sure the printer has ink, we have pens. paper, etc.) and file papers on a regular basis (bills, receipts, etc.)
DH does most of the cooking, but my mom and I do sometimes too and we all trade off on doing the dishes (since we take a while to create a full load, we each load them throughout the day and wheneever it's full, that person actually makes sure they run the wash cycle). Usually I or my mom unload the dishwasher.
I work fulltime and DH works parttime and attends school fulltime. My mom is not working right now and is home all day, so between the 3 of us, the housework gets done and so far, no one has complained that they are overloaded with chores. If/when that time comes, we'll hash it out so everyone feels good about it.
TTC/PG Blog | Mommy Blog
I love this saying, but I don't always live by it, sigh. hence yay for having to pick up after myself every 2 weeks!
hah, i promised MH i wouldn't nag him about the office - that it could be his mess room as long as the rest of the house is neat. ...unfortunately, i use half the office too! he definitely doesn't feel like it's his little sanctuary. ah well, poor MH.
i don't say a single word about mess on/under his (2) desks though! ...b/c right next to one of his desks, my own desk is a mess too 
my gf's H has an entire room she never even goes in to. the door stays shut, she never looks at it, it really is his mess room - but to do that, we'd need a bigger house!
Re: everything has its place
I WISH!!! My house needs serious organization. We have junk drawers, art bins, toy boxes, etc where things get lumped together. I was at a neighbor's house. Her kids have hardly any toys (honestly, I've never seen one inside or outside). They do have art supplies. They have those plastic stacked drawers in their cabinets. Each drawer was labeled "Scissors", "Pens", "Pencils", "Colored Pencils"... seriously! I can't imagine having separate drawers so that the regular pencils were separate from the colored pencils. Makes sense. I just grew up in a house where all art supplies were tossed in a bin. The scissors, tapes, pens, pencils, pad of paper where in two drawers by the phone (you know, the kind on the cord
). I don't think my organizational skills have advanced much past that of my family of origin. DH and I have no idea how to organize things.
Newlyweds since 2007
MH does the dishes mostly (sometimes I help), does the laundry and takes out the trash
I do 100% of the cooking, and I fold/put away my laundry (he folds his own)
we sometimes get frustrated w/each other... i.e. I don't see why he doesn't just put some dishes straight into the dishwasher instead of into the sink... and he doesn't like doing the dishes all the time (but then I point out I do all the cooking!!) but overall we are pretty happy about the division of labor I think.
I used to clean the bathroom sinks and he would do the toilet/tub but we are both so busy working now that those tasks as well as other household chores such as cleaning counters, dusting, vacuuming, etc are now delegated to our cleaning person who comes 2x a month. we weren't sure about getting one to begin with but it has been so much easier and we are glad we did (he has bad allergies/asthma so it helps a lot when the house is cleaner)
Jaime & Brent
Oahu, Hawaii | Sept. 9, 2005
My Food Blog - Good Eats 'n Sweet Treats
This is a sore subject between us most of the time. DH has been out of work for over a year and a half, so in April I finally had it b/c I was working FT (and while I appreciate that looking for a job takes time... he was playing more PS3 and watching more TV than anything else), I was still coming home and making dinner, cleaning up, and he'd take the garbage out, do his laundry, and sometimes swiffer. I would do the rest of the cleaning. When we were both working FT, we had a cleaning person, but that was the first thing to get cut when he was no longer working.
Since then, he's been cooking about 3-4 times/week, and doing a lot more cleaning plus all his other stuff. Now that he's taking 3 classes, he's still doing everything, but I'll cook once in awhile too. We eat out way too much, but it's one thing that keeps us sane.
I also do all the grocery shopping and running errands because he doesn't have his drivers license (growing up in the city, he never needed it, but is working on it now since the baby is coming!!). It's been a struggle. I hope it gets easier as time goes on!