Newlyweds living with a roomate??? Your advice please!

bonnykate

My best friend and maid of honor is looking to rent or buy a house, but her potential roommate just fell through. We had always planned to be roommates when we were younger, then she went away for college. Now she's back for grad school. My husband and I are still in school as well, so we're not looking for something permanent. We could save some money (which could get us closer to buying a house) by becoming her roomates in a two-bedroom house, not to mention the added perks of more space and being able to get a dog.

At first I was totally psyched at the idea, but as I've been thinking about it, I realize I'm really concerned about this negatively affecting my husband's and my relationship. We've been married almost three months and things are going good, and he and my friend get along great, but I know that things would be different living with a roommate. I also know that I tend to freak out about big changes, even though I usually love the results. Therefore . . .

Nesties, have you ever had a roommate since getting married, or before if you were living together? How was/is it different? How did/does it affect your relationship? Should we spring for the cheaper rent and the roommate, or stick with where we are?

Thank you for your advice!

cnstarz

After Hurricane Ike and about 3 months after we were married, we took in one of DH's friends who was down on his luck for four months.

I do NOT recommend it. Three was definitely a crowd.

TTC_Our_BabyB

Dh had a roomate (C) before we got married. They worked at the same place, but different shifts. Dh was on days and C was on nights. Dh asked me before we got married if I had a problem with C staying. I told him no. I never really saw him. I worked fulltime during the day and by the time I got off work, he was already gone to work. 

We had absolutely no issues living with C for almost 2 years.  He cleaned up after himself, help around the house, he chipped in for bills, and groceries. C eventually started dating someone and spent a lot of time at her house, but he still paid his share of the rent. When C decided to move out, he cleaned his room throughly, and moved all his stuff out in one weekend. He even paid his share for the next months rent even though he wouldn't be staying there. 

 

I know everyone isn't as lucky as we were having a roomate, but we never had any issues. All three of us got along well and have remained friends. If you think that you and your Dh would be comfortable with it, try it. You have to go into it with an open mind and you both have to agree to it 100%.

flexiblebride

My advice is: Don't do it!!!

BatCave

Don't do it, it's not worth the strain it will put on everyone.

Mrs.H.

Do not do it!

 

TTC's friend "C" was definately an exception to the rule.  I highly doubt you'd be as lucky as they were.

 

Rent a cheaper smaller place and have your privacy!

 

Derniermot

just say no.

you can save $ in other ways 

Hi725

We had a friend move in with us for 5 months when she hit some really hard times.

Do not do it. I wanted to kill her by the time she moved out again.

floyd.bamker

You will be 'man in the middle' every time you turn around.

bad idea.

NaHoku

My younger SIL moved in with us 4 months before we got married and didn't move out until two months after the wedding.

Don't do it.  I know you love your friend and everyone gets along great - but  it just adds too much stress, IMO.  The little things will bug you and DH (and probably her, too) really quickly. 

Mrs.JulesH-S

My brother lived with us for QUITE some time and I wouldn't recommend it.

Kyle523Nicole

I think if you are going into it you need to all be on the exact same page and everything needs to be addressed up front.  Chores, bills, rent, everything.  DH's brother, his GF and her 5 year old daughter have been living with us (they have the whole basement - their own rooms & their own bathroom) since the week after our wedding and we've had no issues.  They pay rent, half of the utilities and half of the groceries and her and I take turns cleaning and cooking dinner.  Her and I go grocery shopping together, once a week.  They clean up after themselves, and we do too.  I think the biggest thing in this situation is to be mature and responsible.  And talk to her to about all of these issues first.  If you can't agree on them before hand - that's pretty much your answer.  Also, if you feel like you need to keep them "entertained", it's never going to work.  They aren't your guests anymore - leave them alone!

bamboo118

Not us but our friends. They were a couple living with roommates. Then she got KTFU and they had a shotgun wedding but stayed with the roommates. They hate it and can't wait to get out.

homebird

I agree, it's probably a bad idea.

We had a good friend stay with us for a month. By the time he left I was really irritated with him. Living with a roommate, and living with your husband and a roommate are two very different things.

JustPeachyMe

I'm in that current situation. It SUCKS. While you may save money, your sanity and friendship may not be there in the end.

GilliC

We had a friend live with us for a few months because his lease was up shortly before a job transfer.  It wasn't bad at all, but we did know that it was short term and had a fixed end date.  It also helped that we had a 1000 ft² apartment at the time, so there was plenty of space for three of us.

mrs.h2003

DITTO to all saying: DO NOT DO IT!