Am I overreacting?

RedZee

This story involves 2 couples: Tom and Missy; Jess and Sam (names have been changed)

Tom: C's friend since HS. A GM in our wedding (b/c he put C in his exactly a year before and it would have been weird). One of the guys that caused problems at C's bach party (almost had a fistfight).

Missy: Really cool. The reason we still hang out with Tom. Psuedo-bridesmaid (helped plan stuff) for us. We're becoming good friends.

Jess: My BM. Friends for a long time (but we've had issues - and I still sort of struggle with things). Gave the really awful toast at our wedding.

Sam: Jess' boyfriend of 4 years. Piece of crap. Aspiring comic but the least funny person I've ever met. Total BS artist. Unemployed by choice. Moved to NY for Jess and promised to save up for a ring. 2 years later, no progress on that front but instead buys expensive cell phones. Becoming increasingly abusive to Jess (another story altogether). He sucks.

So here's what happened...

 Missy's bday was last week, the day we got back. I spoke to her twice this week and she said she was planning something for this weekend for her bday. I said we were free Sat night and Sun and wanted to hang out.

Last night we call them to see if something's going on since I didn't hear back. Tom says, "oh, we're out with Jess and Sam." WTF??

I'm annoyed because I feel ditched and excluded. If they had just gone and hung out it would be one thing, but why leave us out?

C isn't happy about it because he doesn't want anyone getting close with Sam because he doesn't want to have Sam come to the guy events.

Am  I overreacting? I don't know if I should say something to any of them or just let it go. I need new friends.

Leigha12

I definitely understand why you're hurt and I would be, too. But is it possible Tom planned the night out? He seems like the type who could do something like that and exclude you. This is clear by what he said on the phone. I'd call Missy specifically in a day or two and see if just you two could do something together. Maybe tell her you're bummed you didn't know about the weekend festivities cause you'd have totally been there.

britab

It's understandable why you feel that way. I would say talk to your friends and let them know how you feel. I would be upset too. On the other hand, grown people can hang out with whoever they want. Maybe you need new friends.

RedZee

I'm not saying that they're not allowed to hang out or that I can dictate what other people can do. But don't tell me about a plan and then leave me out when you're planning it with my other friends. It just seems mean.

I guess I will talk to her at some point. It's just annoying.

Leigha12

That's why I'm wondering if maybe the boyfriend did the planning. Missy had told you about the upcoming plans. Maybe he took over the planning (I know DH prefers to plan my birthday activities...he says it's not right for me to do it).  So this could be all on him. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt. And I know you know people can hang with whoever they want, but I also know how sometimes you have two sets of friends and hope and hope they don't become friends independent of you for various reasons.

LarkNow

Well, you're not over-reacting.  It sucks to be left out, especially since it sounds like they didn't know each other before you and C introduced them.

BUT, you don't like half of those people anyway (maybe even 3/4, hinting at some troubles with Jess) so the only one I'd really try to patch things up with is Missy (and Jess, if you feel like it).  Do what's best to keep that relationship and let the others go (until a later time, perhaps.  Or forever, if you want.)