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Upset...
Lately my DH has been pushing and persisting that we start TTC #2 now. For some reason he is so stuck on Brianna and baby #2 be only 2 years apart and nothing more. I have many concerns ranging from financial issues, to our house etc etc etc.. and it seems like everytime we sit down and talk about this DH totally blows my concerns off and says " I've already figured everything out". He automatically thinks that because I have concerns, that means I don't want to TTC #2, and thats not fair nor is it true. I am SCARED out of my mind to have 2 kids. I want to wait until Brianna is alittle older and maybe out of diapers and can help alittle more.. but for some reason my DH just doesn't hear this. I"m so upset and agrivated! Its like he doesn't care what I think! He makes comments such as " you had an easy pregnancy with Brianna- no morning sickness etc" and I just say " every pregnancy is different and its not fair for you to bring that up when you're not even the one that carries the baby".
I do want to have another baby, I do. I just don't feel like I"m ready for another one right now.. but would I ever be fully ready?? I don't think I'd ever say " ok, I"m 100% ready for #2". I HATE, HATE, HATE the newborn stage. I don't know if its because with Brianna I just had no clue what I was doing and felt so scared and alone. I also had a touch of PPD.. and I just don't want to go through all of that again.
I just hate that my DH is pushing like that and doesn't give a crap about what I think. Thats really the way it seems. I feel like an incubator and thats it. I"m so upset...
Re: Upset...
Wow your husband needs to stop being a *** and listen to you. Sorry, but a child isn't something that should be forced!! If you're not ready, stick to your guns! You SAH, right? So you'd be the one dealing with 2 kids all day, and if you don't want them 2 years apart he needs to respect that!
?::hugs::?
Hey, men can get PG now can't they? Just kidding, I'm thinking of that story of the pregnant man (but he used to be a woman, I know) and thinking that if your DH wants another one now so badly, you could tell him that he can carry the baby!!!!
I can absolutely understand why you'd want to wait and all of your concerns. Having two that are close in age is very difficult (as much as I do love it for myself) and that it isn't for everyone.
Good luck! Sounds like a nice, long heart-to-heart talk is in order. Since your DH is not the one that gets the short end of the stick parenting-wise (having to do the hard work of carrying the baby and MOST of the parenting) that's probably why he's having a hard time getting it!
I would be really upset, too, Maura, if I felt that E wasn't listening to me at all and disregarding my feelings entirely. I think the best advice I can offer to you is to tell J exactly what you said here, that he doesn't give a crap about what you think - and then let him know you give a crap and you aren't going to do what he wants just to make him happy - end of story. You can also remind him how unsupportive he was when you first had Brianna, how he would berate you and make you feel terrible when she would cry and you couldn't stop her and he wouldn't help you at all and remind him how hard it was for you when he didn't understand your PPD - tell him you have zero intentions of going through that again on your own and if he doesn't like it, that's just too bad, for him. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. It sucks. I am here if you want to talk, you know that.
Oh geeze, Maura, no one should make you feel that way
I think if are not ready, your not ready and he really shouldn't push you at all - you BOTH have to be ready and work as a team...just like you wouldn't push him if you wanted #2. I think you really need to sit down and talk with him or even suggest that perhaps you go to counseling together so that you can have an impartial party there to hear your sides and make him really understand what you are saying. I think you'll know when you're ready for #2....and I can totally sympathize with being completely alone and caring for a newborn - I too, could not wait for Austin to be out of that phase and am so much happier now that he is...
Hang in there *HUGS* I hope you and your DH can work out a good solution for the two of you...