Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Am I being a big baby? WAY long...
I don't think there is a "winner" in this argument but I'm STILL pissedoff anyway...
Here goes: My H and I met through a girl that used to be my boss. She was dating (now married to) a guy H lived across the street from. So we met through misc "group" social occasions. We were not "set up". So, my relationship w/ this girl is strained. First, cause i'm a boss hater in general, i hate being told what to do. She's a "one up'er", if you stubbed your toe, she sprained her ankle. And she's just friggin rude. I try to be corrdial regardless, we don't need to be BFF's but our husbands are good friends, so we both have to suck it up a bit. That was until last month that I dragged myself out to see a band that my H & her H really like (but I don't care for plus I don't like crowded bars NOR do I like being out late, but hey, you do it for love, right?). I went up to her, gave her a friendly hug hello (which she was ice cold to) and tried to make pleasent chit chat. The girl spoke exactly 3 words to me then turned her back. She gave me such the cold shoulder it was terrible! I told my H that I'm not going out of my way anymore, it's just too much effort wasted on someone who isn't worth it.
Fast forward to today, he calls me at work and asks if I want to go over their house on Sat for a football game. And I said, hon, you know I wasn't invited, and he's all, "Well, it's implied." So I say, read me the email...and it says, Why don't you come over to watch football." NOT mind you, you guys, or you & Kristen, just YOU. Now, of course he tells me not to read into it, but on more than one occasion, she has emailed my HUSBAND to invite him to social gatherings and I have cooincidentaly been left off the email chain and again, I'm not supposed to read into it, it's "implied" that I'm invited too. That's just SO effing rude!
Now, I'm not the kind of person to tell my H not to go, he's a big boy and can make his own decisions. BUT, I'd be a big fat liar if I said I wasn't hurt. I know that we're not always going to like each others friends, but I put the effort in to be coordial and time after time i feel like I keep slapped in the face. Life it far too short to try to be friendly w/ someone who clearly does not want to be friends.
I also am not a subtle communicator, so my H knows that I'm upset, he just doesn't get why.
Would you be mad too? Am I missing something??
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)
Re: Am I being a big baby? WAY long...
I think I would be bothered. I mean, she's a girl... which means that any social events she's throwing are co-ed, NOT just a "guys'" thing. I am not insulted when my H gets invited to guy stuff and goes alone... but I would wonder why I wasn't invited if it's a guy-girl thing.
I think girls make for especially interesting friendships with husbands. I have no problem with it, but I have told DH that any real friend of his also makes efforts to genuinely be a friend of mine. (Same goes for my friends) That's just a matter of respect. If that's not happening, then there's no real friendship there in the first place. We've had that discussion regarding at least one lady friend in his life, and thankfully he's gotten the message... but the nice guy in him was totally oblivious for a good long time first!
It's pretty clear that this gal isn't making efforts to be your friend, so I think your H should respect that. Since he's such good friends with her H, though, maybe he should try to have more outings with just the guys, or invite more couples out when you ladies are present, just to keep things comfortable for you. Sorry you have to deal with this lame girl!
I don't understand us women sometimes
. I don't know what's her problem lol. You don't have to like each other but I agree it's rude to ONLY invite the husband and not the spouse. Who sent the email though? Was it the H or the wife? If it's the husband, yeah, i think it's implied that you should go too. You know how men are. They don't care so much for the "details". MH gets invited to stuff. He gets the email and of course he'll tell me "we're" invited. I don't think too much out of it. He also gets invited to stuff which i think are more of a guy thing so sometimes i choose not to go. Now, if the wife sent out the email and it's a couples thing and didn't cc you, that's kinda rude.
I guess i'm more curious why she's so cold to you. Why? What on earth could you have possibly done to her to make her like this? I always get wrapped up into thinking these things out because I internalize things alot. But MH always tells me, "Sarah, its not you, its them." Ya Ya, whatever. Still doesn't make me feel good. I guess I'm like you and don't understand her behavior and I think its because we don't act like that. Even when I'm not fond of someone and they're in my presense, I still make it a point to be just as friendly to them as the others. Really, it takes way more effort for me to be downright rude, ignore people, than to just be friendly. But then I go home and vent to MH.
See I'm THAT girl that will MAKE you talk to me when I know full well you have all intention of ignoring me. I will kill them with kindness and then often they slowly start to open up and stop being so rude. Have you tried this? I actually enjoy it and think its funny. But some people just can't break it, they're mean bitter women. And "one uppers" are the WORST.
Kristen, I don't think you're missing the point at all. But I think YH should make it a point to ask these people, "Kristen was invited right?" And when they say, "oh yay yay". Then he needs to make it a point, "Oh cause she wasn't sent the email." Its subtle sarcasm but I think it clarifies its point as well.
Hmm. "You" is a funny word because it CAN be plural. But, in this case, I don't know that I'd be inclined to give chicky the benefit of the doubt. Even if she's just doing that dumb wife thing of inviting "the guys" over to watch football with her hubby while she bakes and serves snacks or whatever -- you know, cuz, like, girls don't like football 'n stuff -- it's still pretty rude in my book. Maybe I just think it's rude because I'm a die-hard football fan. (I don't get my feelings hurt if it really is a "guys only" thing though, especially since I really get a lot out of my "girls only" time).
I actually don't have probs with MH's friends wives/GFs being buddies with MH. Quite a few of them are good friends with him too. That said, ALL of those girls go out of their way to also be nice to me. I bet I would have a problem with it if one of them was rude to me.
- Since she was my boss at one point I think that had a lot to do with my dislike of her. If there is someone you don't care for at work, you can just usually ignore it, but she was my "boss" so what she tought of me technically effected my paycheck, so i def. went out of my way previously to be nice to her and bite my tougue. i think that built up a lot of resentment in me towards her. So it's one of those things that she could sneeze and i'd probably take personal offense.
My H is not the type to bring it up w/ them, he's more of a people pleaser and not a big fan of confrontation. In his mind, he see's it as going over her H's house for footbal to hang out w/ her H and not her per se. But I see it more as a package deal. And besides all that, I'm not a football (or sports for that matter) watcher, so of course he's not understanding why I'm upset that i feel left out of something that I wouldn't have wanted to go to anyway. And like Ericka said, it's sort of a "girl" argument, like I doubt a guy would take offense to being excluded from something he didn't want to go to...but that's not the point
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)
You remind me of myself, because I would be feeling the same way, not to mention I'm a boss hater myself! I have a problem with authority.
IMO she's being rude and probably knows it. I think you are better off steering clear of her and her bad vibes. You are the bigger person for being cordial to her and I give you a lot of credit for that. Since your H is good friends with her H I'd say let him go, but maybe not participate if it means being around someone you don't care for.
Yep, I'm totally steering clear, just not worth it. I can stay home with my baby, she likes me well enough
And she smells really good too!
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)
I think you're doing the best thing. Seriously, some people just are impossible to get along with. You've already made an effort to be cordial and nice to her. She isn't being responsive so I say just let it go. It sounds like she might be the one with issues.
I think staying home with your beautiful babe is the best plan. It sounds to me like she's playing "girl games" (sorry if that's offensive to anyone). You'll be much happier if you don't go!
Married Bio
Totally agree with all of this.
It's not quite the same situation, but when we lived in Darwin, Ben was friends with some of his coworkers - they were a very tightknit little clique (he wasn't really part of the group, more of a casual friend with them). Anyway, whenever there was some kind of group event, they'd invite Ben and tell him to be sure to bring me...and then they'd pointedly ignore me the entire time. I have no idea why. I never did or said anything rude to any of these people. They just thought it was a fun game.
Eventually I just started refusing to go - I didn't care if Ben went, and I told him to have fun, but I saw absolutely no reason to put myself through that every single time. The really obnoxious thing was that when I didn't go, they'd spend the entire time ragging Ben about why I wasn't there (it was stupid because half of them wouldn't bring their girlfriends anyway, so it wasn't really about the fact that he went alone - for some reason they just liked picking on Ben)! They were just rude, horrible people. Ben eventually stopped going as well once he realized that what I was telling him about how I was being treated was true (I think at first he just thought I was being oversensitive or something). Anyway, the point is: sometimes you just have to say no. Maybe I'm just cold hearted, but I see absolutely no reason to put yourself in that position over and over again.
Cerclage placed @ 21w6d due to CI (IC)
I'm not really adding anything else to the table here...just wanted to say that I pretty much agree with all the advice given here.
She's not worth the energy, Kristen. You've tried to be nice to her and she's given you Antartica back.
It's a cliche, sure, but life really is too short. Focus on people who you want in your life and who want you in theirs. If you find that someone brings constant negativity energy to your life then it's time to try and change that with them or push them out of your radar. She falls into the latter category.