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Am I overreacting? (longish)
MH and I have (or thought we had) a really good couple friend back in MI. We used to hang out with them all the time, and asked them to stand up in our wedding. L, I'll call her, actually got pregnant and was due the day before the wedding, so obviously they didn't come.
Anyway, since we moved out here, they've been kind of "out of sight, out of mind" to us. We've always done whatever we can for them - sent their kid gifts, go out to see them when we're in town. MH even flew back to MI when C was laid off from a company they both worked for together and had a going-away party.
The issue: as you know, my brother died earlier in the month and we were overwhelmed by the amount of people that came - not just our family and friends of E, but a lot of my friends came even though they had not known E.
L&C had a family trip planned where they were going to drive a couple of hours up north to a family cabin. I don't think they were leaving until Friday (the day of the viewing), but they told us they had this family trip and weren't going to come. L also called MH today to talk about a business thing and didn't ask about me or mention the funeral.
So...I know I'm in an emotional spot right now, so maybe I'm not thinking clearly. And honestly I don't expect everyone to drop everything for me. But we really thought they were good friends. Am I being crazy that I'm pissed they couldn't delay their trip for a couple of hours and come for a few minutes? They're getting married next year in Hawaii, and I've already told MH I'm not thrilled about putting out mundo $$$ to fly to their destination wedding when they can't even be bothered to drive a half hour to see us when we're in town. I wouldn't have thought they should show up if it was say, my grandmother, but obviously this was very tragic and unexpected by all of us.
[Poll]
Re: Am I overreacting? (longish)
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Yeah, I kind of get that. I just know that's not how MH and I would react. Really, it's been a series of things that have shown they're not as good of friends as we thought they were, so I guess this was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Word for word- this. Hugs friend.
ITA re: wedding and your thought process.
If you were already drifting apart, and this behavior made it worse, then you're absolutely justified in feeling the way you do.
This behavior alone, however, while fairly egregious, wouldn't be enough for me to write off a friendship.
They sound like the kind of people who will be friends when it's convenient for them which does not make them very good friends. If they have made little effort since you left and you have made a lot of effort it seems like they don't really want to keep a strong friendship with you.
I do agree that death can be very awkward for some people. They may think that you are both very sensitive about it and may not want to talk about it so they did not bring it up.
I would stop making any effort and see if they do. If they don't they are not the friends you thought they were-unfortunately it may be a case of "out of sight, out of mind"
I don't think you're overreacting at all! I would be incredibly hurt if someone I called a friend did that to me. I say chalk it up to a learning experience and make no effort to continue the friendship going forward. Hugs girly!
PS - love your siggy!
Yeah, I agree we're not going to send a card saying, "WE ARE NO LONGER FRIENDS." We just won't make any more effort as far as they're concerned.
Thanks Pinky
I agree with this. I am SUPER awkward about knowing how to react in these situations.
I would hate to have someone judge a friendship on how I reacted in this situation, because I know I would do the wrong thing somehow.
However, like WM said later, if the friendship has already been feeling strained, then I can see why you're upset, and I totally understand about not being excited to shell out the $$ for their wedding.
My two best friends are both going through hell right now with a family member. Things were up in the air for awhile with both of them and I told MH that if anything tragic should come of either situation, I'd have to go and be with them - one is in SD, the other in Vegas. So yeah, I'd be hurt if I were you, too. For me, if you're a close friend, you make the effort to be there for the person when going through something like that. You just do.
ditto, weemz and YL. I don't really know how to deal with death, but it sounds like there was flakiness before this.
Anyway, since we moved out here, they've been kind of "out of sight, out of mind" to us. We've always done whatever we can for them - sent their kid gifts, go out to see them when we're in town. MH even flew back to MI when C was laid off from a company they both worked for together and had a going-away party.
for me, this paragraph was quite telling. it sounds like you moved away, they wrote you off, and while you've been trying to maintain your relationship, it's rather one-sided. i would have stopped trying after the efforts were obviously not reciprocated.
I'm late, but I agree with Wan and Jonesy and the others that swayed this way.
Hugs marsho.
I know some people are weirded out about funerals and death but wouldnt you at least offer condolences when your friend was on the phone with your H or send a card/flowers? I just think there's still ways to show your sympathy without having to go to the viewing and maybe if they had, it would have made you feel a little bit better about the whole thing.
Either way I dont think you're overreacting and I can somewhat relate. When my grandmother died, we had some cousins that didnt come to the funeral even though they lived 30 min away and they never called or offered any sympathies. My dad was really upset that people he considered close family werent there for us in any way and we havent had any contact with them since then.