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C'mon!!! Plus Clicky Poll
All right, I talked to you guys last week or the week before about how I haven't gotten my period yet. Well, this week will be week 8 since the start of my last period. I took two pregnancy tests and they both came out negative. Now what?!!
My periods have always been irregular when off birth control (hormone regulation), but usually have been about 6 wks apart. So, this is longer than usual for me. Mom says take a blood test, but I don't have insurence, yadda yadda!!
So, obviously I'm not tryin to have a baby at 22. I really don't know if I want any. Besides not wanting one, I'm just kind of nervous if I am, because I have been drinking on and off - totally normal, I think. I've told DH that I would flush it if I was - I mean, obviously just being crude because I'm immature and don't want babies.
I've been thinking that a lot of us on the J9 board talk about not wanting kids or waiting a while to have them. But, we're married now, so does that change things for you? I mean, doesn't it seem kind of weird for a married woman to get an abortion? Which brings me to my poll....
[poll]
Re: C'mon!!! Plus Clicky Poll
I said I'd have it, although Brendan and I aren't super financially stable. We could make it work with a lot of giving up of things that we like and want to do.
That being said, I'd go get a blood test and pay out of pocket for it. It would be worth my while to know for sure whether or not I was, because if you seriously think you might want to abort it, you're going to need to make that decision sooner rather than later.
I would have it for many reasons. We are planning on having kids relatively soon anyway. No, we're not where we want to be financially and career-wise it might be tough for me. But I don't think you're ever really completely set-up and ready for kids.
Also, while I am pro-choice, I really don't view abortion as a method of birth control. It's not the best thing a woman can do to her body.
October 2013 February Siggy Challenge: Valentine's Day Fail
EDD 10/3/13
Yikes! I wasn't expecting such a heavy topic first thing in the morning!
First, let me say that I support a women's right to choose, but I also think that irresponsible women who use abortion as birth control are scum of the earth (not saying that about you, but I unfortunately do know people who have had multiple abortions instead of just taking the damn pill--wtf! That pisses me off more than anything.)
Secondly, let me say that IMHO, there is never a 'perfect' time to have a baby. When I became pregnant with my first baby, my (now) DH and I had been dating for TWO MONTHS. That's right--2 months, we started dating in January and I got pregnant in March. We lived three hours away from each other at the time--the scenario was hardly ideal. It took a lot of figuring out and soul searching to make it work. We didn't move in together until I was about 5.5 months pregnant, it was kind of an awful time. I got pregnant with my 2nd baby when my first baby was only 7 months (btw, the 'mini' pill does not work, lol!) and we were in the middle of a move (again, very far from ideal).?
But I do honestly believe that babies are blessings. It is such a miracle that we are even able to conceive, let alone have healthy babies--and I did not want to turn my back on (what I perceive to be) God's blessing. I also think that the decision to abort will cause more of a problem within your relationship with your DH than you may think. It's not really any kind of 'solution' for a married couple, in my opinion. I think it will cause a lot of unforeseen problems between you down the road in one way or another.
I know the money thing is a valid concern and I completely understand why a couple would be worried about having a baby, especially now in these times. But I do think also that you are blessed for doing the right thing and I think there will always be a way to survive and get through it. I know that I didn't even buy any clothes or diapers for my daughter until she was probably about 9 months, because people were so generous at our baby showers.
In my heart, I just don't believe that abortion is the 'easy' solution that many people may perceive it to be. And to me, you already have a lot of the formula down if you're married and living together! I am not saying this at all to be preachy, but because I have seen what the decision to abort can do to a couple (it basically tore them apart) and I honestly believe it will cause more harm than solve anything. Just my 2 cents.
Did you really just say that? REALLY? I'm all for a woman's right to choose, but that is seriously one of the most disgusting and insensitive things I've ever heard.
If you are pregnant and don't want a child abortion is a totally viable option even if you are married. All of your options will have very long lasting side effects (from keeping the child, to abortion, to adoption). I'm just saying this out of experience - not preaching - but I don't know a single woman who has had an abortion in her life (and I know a handful who have) that doesn't regret it. And most of these women had abortions while in school and not attached to men. This is just my experience though.
I would definitely keep it. We are also not as financially secure as I would like, but I doubt we ever would be. I don't think there is probably ever a perfect time to have babies, but we are going to do it soon because I don't want to wait too long- both my Mom and her Mom started menopause in their late 30's and I don't want to miss my opportunity for a family.
I agree with PP that no matter what you chose there are going to be serious long lasting consequences either way. Thats what being a grown up is all about!
I'm sorry if this comes off sounding condescending but I think you are being an immature asss right now. If you messed up and got pregnant, own up to the responsibility and do the right thing. While I'm pro-choice, as angelfire said, I believe it that right in situations that necessitate making the choice, not as birth control. So its not ideal, so you're not financially ready, and obviously your not responsible, but neither are half the people who have kids, if you want kids at some point, how could you abort this potential child? Abortion is not an easy/light decision, you both need to think long and hard about this. And there are many options for adoption.
I would suggest you immediately get a blood test as well as figure out your options for health insurance, because you are going to need it if you are pregnant (not that you dont need it now). Not having insurance is not a reason to act irresponsibly (drinking when you may be pregnant), quit being cheap and go get a test.
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Wow... I am definitely pro choice, and if i had ever accidentally (b/c i always used protection) gotten pregnant at some point in my life where i was not in a stable relationship, hadn't gotten to where i wanted to be in life, couldn't provide for the baby, etc, I probably would have had an abortion. However, I never - and don't think anyone should - would have taken it so lightly as to refer to it as "flushing" it. And I never even had a scare! It's people like you that give pro lifers more ammo in their debate.
That being said, as much as I feel like having a baby right now would change my life in a way that I have no desire to experience anytime in the near future, I feel like when I got married I was basically saying - i'm a grownup. We're on our way to being financially stable, and it's time to take responsibility for my actions. I don't think I could abort a baby that would have two loving parents and loving grandparents and an assurance for a good future just because it might not have the "richest" first few years.
1. Find out if your pregnant asap.
2. If you are, don't flush it. If you cannot for whatever reasons (physical, financial, etc.) have the child it would be an abotion. Flush toilets, not babies.
3.Either way, if you do not want the baby - then take the precautions to make sure you don't conceive in the future. Pills, surgeries, etc. Whatever works for you. But getting pregnant and then aborting it because you just didn't want to use anything is completely irresponsible.
To answer your question of what we would do - we are TTC so we would be extremely excited.
So, I haven't read everybody's posts yet, but it's a nice discussion.
Firstly, by "flush" I totally meant have an abortion, not flush the baby. I know it's crude, I said it in my post. It's just the phrase I use with my DH - perhaps I shouldn't have necessarily used it here. Sorry if I offended you with my language.
Secondly, I didn't mess up if I got pregnant. I have always been on BC, and right now I currently have the IUD. I've had it for like 6 months. Therefore, if I am pregnant, it really has nothing to do with me not being careful or whatnot.
Thirdly, we are in the worst position to have a baby. I just graduated and don't have a job. DH graduated a year ago and has a part time job and an on-call job. He is bringing in about $500 a month - just enough to cover our bills and gas. We live with his parents because of this. Obviously it wasn't like this before we got married - We live in Oregon, which has the 4th highest unemployment rate in the nation. So, it sucks.
I know that abortion is not an easy decision. I don't even know if that's the choice I'd necessarily make. I'm pro-choice, but I've always said that abortion wasn't for me. So, I'm up in the air - this whole thing was more about discussion and support. Most of you are saying that you'd keep it, which makes me think that maybe we could do it.
That said - I will make sure that I find out one either way.
I understand the concern about not having enough money, or feeling like you don't have the resources to support a child, but like many pps have said, very rarely are people in a good financial decision to have kids. As a friend of mine always says....homeless people have babies. Not that it is the best case scenario, but if you want to make it happen you can.
You are probably aren't pregnant. I also have very irregular periods when I'm not on BC. Hell, even on BC I don't get my period all the time (within the past year anyway). Stress and environmental factors will influence it. So got get a test and put your mind at ease.
OP - your doctor did tell you than a potential side effect of the IUD could be not getting your period right? Some womens periods just stop coming on certain types of BC.
That said, if I got pregnant we would keep the baby. It wouldn't be ideal in a timing or financial sense but we're already making ends meet on 1 income, have good health insurance and supportive family nearby. It would be hard but we could do it.
I am personally anti-abortion but not anti-choice (ie I definitely think abortion should be legal and will fight for that). For someone like me, hearing abortion discussed so casually and jokingly is hard. I know its how you talk to your DH, but you have to realize that when talking to strangers about a sensitive subject you need to be careful. Especially on a site like TK where many women are mothers or are desperately TTC.
I would definitely definitely keep a baby if I got pregnant. I want a baby anyway- DH wants to wait a while to get things more in line, which I know is the smart thing and in my HEAD I agree with him.
Sarajoy, I think you said it perfectly -- it's actually very possible to be Pro-Choice/Anti-Abortion. I prefer to keep the government, God, and everyone else in the world out of control of my uterus, and I plan to stay out of everyone else's. Thanks.
A lot of these comments remind me of this scene from Sex & The City (TV show), when Miranda was considering having an abortion when she got pregnant with Brady -- Carrie had an abortion when she was 22, after getting pregnant by a waiter at TGI Friday's (...sorry, it was The Saloon...):
Miranda: Does it hurt?
Carrie: No. Mostly just uncomfortable.
Miranda: How long does it take to feel back to normal?
Carrie: You'll have to ask them that.
Miranda: How long did it take for YOU?
Carrie: Any day now...
Good question. I asked him this morning what we'd do if I were pregnant, and he said he didn't know and just hoped that I wasn't. Luckily for us, we have a lot of family support, so that is something we could count on. And it's not like having babies at a young age is uncommon in either of our families.
I think he is not ready to have a kid, doesn't want to have them right now. But, he was also raised Catholic (doesn't practice anymore), and so probably has slight moral qualms about abortion.
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If you think your husband would have a moral qualm about an abortion, you should stop using phrases like "flush it" to him, too, not just on a public message board.
Plus, it will provide you with an instant companion and you'll never be lonely again! (words of advice from Cruella's MIL)
Lucy Elizabeth 10.27.12
I'm 25 and even though I know I'm not ready for kids there would be no question in my mind whether to keep it or not if I got pregnant. I feel like if I'm responsible enough to be married then I should be reponsible enough to handle a child too.
And this may be easier said than done, but if you have money and health insurance issues why not get a job at like Target or McDonalds? It may not be the most glamourous but it could definitely help
Totally!
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I'm sure if I offended him, he'd let me know. We joke about him pushing me down the stairs or beating me up. I guess that's just how we are. Note taken on language on the boards, though.
As for the job thing. I've been applying everywhere, so has DH. And right now, we're either over qualified or under qualifed for jobs, if even there are jobs to be had. I've had multiple job interviews for what I'm looking to start my career in, but no takes. As for Target, waitressing, etc. I've also applied, and still no one will take graduates because they think we'll leave as soon as something better opens up.
Are you kidding me - did you really take note? Did you not learn anything from the OP that would make you think twice about writing this crap?
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Ditto hawki. You're digging yourself deeper on this one.
ETA: I'm really waiting for the bat symbol to go up on GP and for the invasion to begin over this post.
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I'm sorry. I was just explaining why he wouldn't be offended.
Probably we should just end the discussion so that I don't "dig myself deeper" and people don't come burn my house down.