Cancelling by text is not ok

Em208

I'm curious to hear if you guys have similar experiences and how you deal with this: My husband and I are in our mid-20's... all of our friends are either married or living together so we're all frequently hosting events at our homes/apartments. After hosting a few get togethers I've noticed that people find it perfectly acceptable to cancel the day of by text! I've received texts saying "sorry we decided to stay home, too tired!", or something along those lines. Although I don't make people RSVP, I do let them know at least a week ahead of time so they can let us know if they're interested in coming or not (for food planning purposes). I'm just frustrated because it seems like my generation has thrown all rules of etiquette out the door... do you guys deal with this (or is it just my group of friends?! ha)

SA7206

My friends do not do this, but H's friends do this all the time.

Text is not my ideal way to hear someone has cancelled, but it's better than a no show.

However, I think the real issue here is that they are cancelling last minute with no good reason.  There's a lot of prep work that goes into hosting events and for them to just cancel like it's no big deal would really irritate me.

wejustwant2:)

People can be rude... what can I say?   In the last 2 years we've thrown 4 parties that I do all of the cooking for.  (2 Christenings, 1st Birthday and a 40th Birthday for my DH).  I send inexpensive written invites 5 weeks in advance and ask for an RSVP--- now (My MIL suggested it I include an RSVP date as well - which I think is incredibly rude of me - but it really works. 

 ie. for an event on 10/17 I write: RSVP by 10/7 please.

I still get some last minute RSVP's and cancellations - but most people understand when they get the invite and call or e-mail right away and at least I have a good working number re: food/drinks.

I don't like last minute casual invites anymore - because people don't understand with two babies how tough it is for me to hostess and either don't call us back right away or they tell us they're coming at the last minute.  Yikes!  I only let really good friends do that.

Cheers!

 

 

wejustwant2:)

I also like sending written invitations in advance - which may be more old-fashioned - only because they feel more special to me and hopefully our guests.  Though I think your "generation" may also treat an evite with more respect.  Good Luck!

 

RachieTK

I've had friends cancel going-out plans via text (annoying) but not coming over plans (rude).

julie5220

Letting folks know that bailing at the last minute decreases their chances for the next invite, in a light way, might work for your group.  You know your friends best, and the level of sarcasm depends on them.  Or just don't invite them next time. 

The way you treat your get togethers may impact how they treat them.  If it's just a super casual thing, they'll treat it like one.  If act like it's no big deal to bail, they'll think it's no big deal to bail. They are your friends, and you need to be honest with them.  

Em208

Some good points Julie. They're mostly my husbands friends (and their girlfriends) so not inviting them in the future would be difficult... but the part that bugs me most is the fact that it was sent via text. It just seems like and cop out and that text is replacing human interaction.... I would prefer if they had called to say they weren't coming. I didn't invite them by text after all!

CarlaAndJames

We do get this a lot, but most of our get togethers at our house are super casual, and sometimes people don't RSVP at all. But sometimes I invite them by text, if not by evite.

If I'm doing a sit-down meal or something I make sure I check with everyone in advance to make sure they're coming, and make sure they know it's dinner so they don't just casually cancel.

julie5220

Maybe your hubz can respond next time they text-cancel with "I'm telling my wife you're too afraid of her to cancel in person. ;-) Seriously dude, pick up a phone next time."  It won't get better unless addressed. 

Mrs. Chip

My friends have done this to me occasionally.  I have never thought it rude or insulting that they canceled last minute via text. I was just upset that they canceled last minute. This is rude. The method does not matter to me. However, text is a way that we often communicate to each other. So to me this is not out of the ordinary. Is text a common way that you communicate with your friends? 

anglyn

Wow, you think people would be courteous enough to at least call. 

Not that I haven't gotten the dreaded cancel by text as well. 

erinfiona

Ugh, I feel your pain.  My DH's younger brothers and their gfs (who all live at home and don't understand the planning and cost of feeding a group of people) do this all the time... to the point that I'm not even counting them for food planning purposes for DH's birthday this weekend!  They've no-showed or cancelled last minute or (come hours later) before so I don't want to be stuck with a fridge of leftovers that will likely spoil.  Not sure how I'll approach this next time, maybe with a more formal written invite like some of the other ladies have suggested....