Same-Sex Households
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lost

I just have to get it out....

My Great-Grandmad passed away yesterday, it was a huge shock. She was 86, and in and out of the hospital for the last year, but we never thought we'd loose her, it just didn't seem that serious.

She's the only grandma that I knew. The first person I've been VERY close with to pass away. I just don't understand. I'm floored. I can't fathom it. I can't keep my head together. It hasn't really hit me. I still feel like I can fly to Sacramento and she will be there sitting at the kitchen table waiting for me, and her ability to to give me the tightest hug I ever knew. She'd always make her coffee in the morning, and every morning she'd always ask me if I wanted some. When every I'd call 'I'd say Hi Grandma, and she'd reply Oh Hi RIKKI as if, she hadn't talked to me for years." Everytime I saw her she'd tell me how much weight I'd lost even when I hadn't. We'd go out to eat and the server would be a cute young man, and she'd talk about how much he was hitting on her. She went to Reno every year for her birthday, I'm glad she go to do this for the last time last month. I'm sad that I will never get that hug again. I'm heartbroken that I'll never get  hear her raspy sweet voice again. I'm mortified that no one will ever smile the way she did, and that I'll never hear that laugh again. I loved her, and I can't imagine my life without her, but some how I've got to more forward, I've got to. She wouldn't want me to be like this, but it's just so hard. The hardest part is that my family is very small, and there isn't a service, I feel like I'll never get to say goodbye. Although, the thing that trumps all of this is that I'm afraid I will forget her, and I want to remember EVERYTHING!

Thanks for reading. I needed that.

 

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Re: lost

  • I'm just a lurker over here, but I'm really really sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful woman. Don't let yourself forget her and all the small details you just wrote down. Can you buy a journal and write things down as you remember them, to revisit when you want to or even as a tribute to her? I know when my grandpa died my grandmother kept nothing but his bathrobe, because she liked the smell and said it brough memories back, maybe you can have a shirt or something of hers to do the same?
  • I am so sorry for your loss. (((HUGS)))
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  • I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope that you are able to keep all of those wonderful memories alive and that they bring you comfort. Big hugs to you.
  • So sorry for your loss. She sounds like a wonderful woman you were very blessed to have in your life.

    ~Kennedy

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  • i'm so sorry for your loss. 

    i was also very close to my great grandmother - they are special people, arent they? It was devestating. But, i know now that she is exactly where she is meant to be and I carry her in my heart every day.  You'll find peace with time.

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. Your grandma sounds amazing. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
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  •  I just wanted to add my condolences to the bunch. Don't be afraid that you'll forget. It sounds like she was an unforgettable, wonderful lady. Hold on to those memories and share as much as you can with others. I'm a believer that those who pass watch over you when they're gone. She knows how much you loved her and there will always be a part of her with you.
  • I am so sorry for your loss - I'll be thinking about you. Right Hug
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  • I am so sorry for your loss.  Grandparents are such special people and so hard to lose. Sending good supportive thoughts.
  • My sincerest condolences.

    Pardon the redundancy of this statement, but you can never forget an unforgettable person. She will ALWAYS live in your heart.

    image

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  • oh rikki, i'm so sorry. big hugs to you.
  • So sorry to hear about your loss...I echo PP's sentiments.  I lost a dear grandma I was close to about 4 1/2 years ago.  She, like your great-grandma was an incredibly sweet and wonderful woman. 

    I named my DD who was born about 15 months after she passed after my grandma.  For me that was a great way to remember her in a positive way.  All the joy she brought to my life now comes thru my daughter and I am constantly reminded of the positive impact she had on me.

     ((Hugs))

  • I'm sorry Rikki ((hugs)).  You are very lucky to have had such a wonderful relationship with your great-grandmother. 
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