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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Overreacting?
DH and I have been married for over a year, and we're both 26. Last Christmas we were with his family, and his mom packed his suitcase before we left (while dh was in the shower)...right in front of me! Folded his boxers and all. Now this Christmas she's emailing asking about what his shirt size is, etc...so she's planning on buying him clothes.(Ugly ones at that...she's already described the shirt to me in an email).
Isn't he too old for this?? Or am I being hyper-sensitive?
Re: Overreacting?
The fact that she packed his suitcase was weird and kind of rude.
I don't know how MIL acts on a regular basis, so it's hard for me to tell if you are over reacting. I think you maybe though. She just wants to buy her son some shirts for Christmas..
1) do you think he will like the shirts..is it just you who will not like them?
2) if you think he will not like the shirts, maybe suggest something else for her to buy for him.
I don't think you're overreacting about her packing his suitcase; that's just weird. He's a big boy, he can pack his own things. Mommy can step aside for this one.
As for the shirts, you're walking the line. My MIL AND my mom buy clothes for my DH (he's the son my mom always wanted). It's never shirts or pants, but gloves, jackets, stuff like that. Depending on the shirt, if you know he wouldn't like it, suggest something else. "Thanks for the offer! Sam has really been eyeing this shirt at Sears..." or whatever his name or wherever he shops.
Is he the youngest, or the only son or her only child? My DH is the oldest, and he was the first to get married in his family, and his mom took it kind of hard. Even last year, after our first anniversary, you could tell she was still adjusting to not having him around and having to share him. It was annoying for me, but I just had to let her get over it in her own time.
dh's mom doesn't pack, but she did give him new clothes almost every time we'd visit for years. we've been together 6 years, married 2.5 and i don't think she has done it since we've been married. before i think it was more about making sure her son was taken care of and looking nice. now she knows i will make sure of that.
i'd give her another year, and then maybe have your dh talk to his mom about it. HTH
He is definitely too old for his mother to be packing his suitcase. That should have been over when he was 10.
As for buying clothes, you're overreacting. My mom buys clothes for all the men (usually a shirt and tie) for their birthdays and Christmas. It's an easy gift for them all. As far as my family is concerned, there is no statement about someone "taking care" of the men. It's just a gift. FWIW, my mom buys clothes for the women too. Except my picky sister. That's just asking for trouble...
i'm with several others- yeah packing the suitcase was a bit much. (although, were you guys having a conversation while she did this? some people need to move their hands while they talk and perhaps it kept her busy.)
but the buying the shirts thing? i've never heard of someone getting worked up over a parent buying their child an article of clothing, no matter how old the kid. heck, my grandmother was still buying my 55 year old father underwear up until she had her stroke.
Ditto.
Packing=bad, clothes=fine.
Honestly? I think you're overreacting a bit. Packing his suitcase is super weird and strange, but as far as her buying him clothes for Christmas? Whatever. I also don't really see what the big deal is. If that is what she wants to do, it wouldn't be worth it for me to be worked up over it. There are many other things I'd rather put my energy in to worrying about than whether H's mom is buying him a few shirts.
Pick your battles...
I think there are separate issues going on here, and it's up to you to decide how to handle them.
Is he an only child? Did he live at home before he got married? Does it bother HIM that she packs his clothes? Do you usually pack for him, or does he usually pack himself?
Since it's a matter of her packing for her son, and not for you, I'd let him handle if/how he wants to address this with his mother. Maybe this is her only way of "taking care" of her little boy now that he's married, and I wouldn't really give it a second thought if he's OK with it.
As for the clothes she wants to buy him, we regularly buy our family members clothes, so I don't see the big deal in that. Again, it's a gift for him, so if he wants something different from his mom, he needs to speak up. Or he may just let her give him the shirts, and if he doesn't like them, he doesn't have to wear them when she's not around.
So in short, I think you're being a bit hypersensitive about something that isn't directly about you.
Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
Her packing his suitcase is weird, but buying clothes for a family member is pretty normal.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
You're really weirded out that she wants to buy him a piece of clothing?
Yeah, you're overreacting.
What does your husband think? Is he weirded out by his mom packing his suitcase? This really is for him to talk to her about if he is.
As for the clothes...I think you are overreacting. My mom bought all the "men" golf shirts last year from a country club she and my dad visited. All the guys golf and DH can wear them to work, so it was a great gift. Would you be weirded out if your mom bought you a sweater or other clothing item? If not, then why does it bother you that his mom buys him clothes?
I guess it is one of those...do you really want to open up this can of worms situations.
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Wow, thank you everyone for all the helpful responses! Def helped put things in perspective. Glad to know that others agree with me about packing the suitcase. And the other comments helped put the other part in perspective. Not gonna lie, it still annoys me (every relationship has its own nuances, right?) but I will definitely be picking my battles, and this is not one of them.
Thanks again.