WWYD?

mrscdobs

Backstory:  Just closed on our brand new house.  Planning a housewarming party for 11/7.  Already sent out the FB invite, have about 19 confirmed guests (planning on about 25 because some aren't on FB) and about 5 maybes.

Dilemma:  C gets home today with a bunch of stuff that his parents gave him and there's a post it note - "*****'s surprise birthday party, 11/7 @ 7pm" (C's cousin.)

MIL strongly hinted that we should change the date of our party since it's "just our friends that are coming, not family".  We both say no, we planned it first and don't want to change the date.

We're not close to said cousin - however, she came to our wedding, and I like her a lot.  We keep in touch via FB mostly but she is a really nice person, and I do feel bad. 

However, this is our first house and we really want to show it off to our friends.

Keep the party date or change it?  WWYD?

Junebug060609

I need a little more info first, namely:

Is this a big bday for the cousin?  (ie is she turning 25 or 30 or whatever)

It also would make a difference to know if there is a backup date that could work well for you two and your guests if you were to reschedule. 

kaylynne

is the surprise party actually on the cousin's birthday?  Because if they just picked a random day, and you already had your party planned, I'd say throw your party. 

Actually, if you have 19 confirmed guests, it's too late to change yours. It would be inconsiderate to the people who are already arranging their schedules around your event (family or not - you shouldn't be rude to people just because you're not related to them... in fact since friends are an elective relationship, you should be more polite to them, the family is stuck with you no matter how you behave).  They really need to give more than 2 weeks notice for a surprise party.

If it's actually the cousin's birthday that day... maybe see if you can see her at some point during the day.... I don't know when your party is. or call someone at the party after she's supposed to have been surprised and wish her a happy birthday over the phone (don't call her directly, you might screw up the surprise). 

SBS0628

I'm with JuneBug. If it's, like, "Suprise 30th Birthday with ALL Cousin's Friends and Family," I would probably try and reschedule.

But if it's "Cousin's 27th Birthday which will basically just be a family dinner" than what's the point?

However, I also agree that with 17 people already confirmed and 5 maybes, it's kind of a sh*tty thing to do to your guests, birthday party or no.

Plus, I find it somewhat irritating when people (family members) use the "it's just your friends" line. So what? My friends ARE my family, and you don't get to decide your event is more important than my event just because we happen to share some genetic coding with the party guests. Bullsh*t, I say.

(Wow, maybe I need a beer...I'm a bit tense for Friday...)

mrscdobs

Just checked FB.  It's the 11th.  And she's turning 30.  It's going to be a big party at the local VFW hall.

However, she's not that close type of cousin that we'd hang out with or even make plans to see if we missed her party.  But C's family is HUGE and close knit.

I just feel like, we sent out invites a week ago.  We're not expecting any of his family to come so I just feel like our 20+ guests who have already said they can come kind of take priority.

It's a tricky situation. 

mrscdobs

Regarding backup dates, we can only do Saturdays.  We don't want to do Halloween, and we don't want to do the week before Thanksgiving.  The 7th was 3 weeks after we closed and we thought it was enough time for us to get settled.

LarkNow

Is there a chance you could move your party up in the day, say to 5 o'clock or so and have it be a cocktail party, then plan to meet up with the cousin's party after the surpise, maybe at 8:30?  That still gives time for all your confirmed guests to come and see the house and drink with you, but it sounds like this cousin's party is a major party that your H's family would notice if you didn't attend.

mrscdobs

Oh, forgot to mention, we have 3 people coming from out of state.  I'd hate to rush them out or make them change the weekend.

 

I think I've made up my mind.  Haha.  

Junebug060609

Yeah, that is a tricky one.  I'm leaning towards sticking with your pre-made plans though.  You have people who've committed to coming.  Your invites were out first.  They aren't giving you much notice on this one.

I also come from a close knit large family.  Thing is, not everybody can make every single gathering.  They'll get over it.  If there's a way to catch a part of the party...or more importantly a way to meet up with said cousin sometime around her bday, I'd do that. 

Good luck with the moving and settling in. 

LarkNow

Yeah, three out of town guests makes a difference.  Plan to meet up with her earlier in the day or say you'll take her out for a drink on her birthday.  Then enjoy your own party.

mamie329

::taps foot:: 

::checks email::

No evite. WTF dobs! 

 

Savy _05

I understand family is important, especially when it is a close knit family and all, but I also think that your lives as a young married couple and your own plans are just as important... things would be very different if it was a traditional family event that you felt very badly about missing, but since you arent very close to this cousin, I wouldn't change my plans. If at all possible maybe try to swing by early to the cousin's birthday party say hi and cut out.. then go and enjoy your exciting new house event! Oh and just a question, but your mil strongly insisted you change your plans, is she usually demanding? you may not have meant it that way but it is sort of how it sounds? Hopefully it will all work out for ya!

sarajoy12345

I definitely think you should keep your party. It is rude to your guests who are confirmed, ESPECIALLY to the OOT guests.  Even if you move it up in the day or make it a shorter event, those who came from OOT will feel slighted.

 Leave it as is, and send a card/gift with your IL's to the cousin's party.