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how should we divide our holiday budget?
This is our first Christmas married and consequently we are giving joint gifts from both of us to our families. I come from a large family, I have 7 siblings plus 2 sets of parents. He comes from a small family, he has one sister who is married and has a baby and then his mom and dad. We are on a pretty tight budget after buying a house and getting married this year. I think is is ridiculous for him to be able to buy $50 gifts each person in his family and then tell me that I can only spend the same total amount on all of my family, which would leave each person in my family getting a $10-15 gift.
This whole argument started last night when he saw a cool Bob the Builder play set at Target last night for $100 and wanted to get it for his nephew who isn't even a year old.
Shouldn't we just set a budget and divide it by the total number of people that we need to buy gifts for?
Re: how should we divide our holiday budget?
That is exactly what we do. Set a budget that works for us that particular year and don't go over.
We have way too many people to buy for (plus 2 friends and a Nephew that have birthdays within 5 days of Christmas) and it gets ridiculously expensive.
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We usually set the limit by the relationship to us. Example:
Parents - $50 each
Siblings - $40 each
Friends - $25 each
Kids - $20-25 each
No real exceptions to this. It keeps things fair.
8 kids and 4 parents and you buy for everyone?
That is a drawing names situation once you hit adulthood.
And the problem with us agreeing with you is that we're not married to you. You and your husband need to figure out what works for both of you.
We have drawn names in the past, and it didn't go over well. I am not wanting to buy everyone an elaborate gift by any means, but I just don't see how he expects me to stick to the same budget for my family as he is going to have for his family. I actually wanted to make (sew) little bags/purses for each of my sisters and his. He said that was fine for my sisters and I could make one for his, but we would have to get his sister a real gift too!
I actually think we might be able to get by this year with framed photos from our wedding for a lot of gifts, but I want to get some ground rules for Christmas gifts set now before it is too late.
Any advice on how to explain this to him. We talked about it last night, but he really wasn't understanding why we can't spend more on individual gifts for his family than mine.
I am in a similar situation; My parents are both remarried, so all together I have 6 brothers and sisters, 3 nieces and 1 nephew. DH has 2 brother and a sister, and his parents. His family always gives gifts to each person, between $25 - $75 a piece. My family only gives gifts to the kids and our parents. We got married in August, I haven't been working since March, so money is tight. We were shopping a couple weeks ago, he saw a silverware set he wanted to get for his parents (it was $100). I told him we will think about it.
That evening we talked about gift giving. Called his sibs and all of them wanted to do the same out thing. So, we decided we would make gifts for everyone but our parents this year. Since money is tight this year we decided to do it this way; however, we decided to set a budget each year and divide that our per person each year. This way we don't feel like we are spending more on one family than the other.
Good Luck- Talk to your DH and explain that you want to be fair to everyone in both families.
We pick a dollar amount and apply it to everyone. Right now, it is $50/per family member, no exceptions. Only parents & siblings are included (I should mention the youngest is 16--if we had small children on the list it would prob be $20 for them).
For our friends, we make things--I am a huge baker, so I spend a weekend in the kitchen, and a litte $$ on pretty packaging, and that is what they get.
For us, this was simply a "fair" way to do it. And you might mention to your H that his family will appreciate the gifts (at least they should) no matter the dollar amount. The act of giving is what really matters.
Like pp., we set budgets according to relationships, and I'm usually inclined to spend more on children. But the difference in the sizes of your families could get even more drastic if your siblings are of (or near) childbearing age, so be careful about setting a limit of $100 for children if there's a chance that there might be several on your side in a few years.
I would talk to your husband about how it would be good to not think in terms of my family-your family. You're all family now; your sister is his sister-in-law and so on... This also makes me wonder whether your DH expects gifts from each of your siblings.
This sounds good. I might use this for me, personally.