Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
WWYD? (long)
So I have a "friend" who has serious physical and emotional issues, especially lately. She's a sweet girl, but very unreliable and unstable. She was supposed to come over Wednesday nigh, but stood me up without a phone call or anything. I tried calling, and emailing, and she hasn't answered my calls OR even read the email I sent thru myspace (although I KNOW she was logged on, so I know she chose not to read it). All it said was "I'm beyond annoyed, and tired of the excuses". Not nice, I know, but I couldn't help it, I'm so tired of this.... she's always bailing on me. I'm seriously considering severing ties, as I have a very long history with being let down by this girl. (Any nestie who knows me from my "knot" days most definitely remembers the labia story? Yah, this is her). But that's a WHOLE other topic.
Anyway, her 30th birthday is this weekend. I ordered her a custom purse I KNOW she's absolutely nuts over, but haven't paid for it yet and was gonna pick it up tomorrow. Should I pick it up??? If so, should I give it to her? I don't want to come across as childish/immature, but it's not a cheap purse, and i'm having a hard time shelling out that kind of money for a girl who treated me like this just days prior without any kind of explanation. WWYD?
Re: WWYD? (long)
Honestly, this is such a hard situation to be in because on the one hand, I'm inclined to say that relationships are really about give and take - you should be getting out of it what you put into it. That's a healthy friendship. On the other hand, since you know she has many problems, which is unfortunate, you can choose to stay in the friendship and treat her with kindness and loyalty, or you can give up on the friendship and walk away. But since you're really stuck between what you want to do and what is the right thing to do, it sounds like, if you can tolerate it, maybe you can stick around for her. With her physical and emotional turmoils, perhaps she's just not capable of being a good friend to you, or anyone, right now.
Here's the bottom line. If you WANT to get her the purse I say do that. Kindness is never a mistake. But ... I would advise you not to expect anything in return, maybe not even a thank you. Remember why you're choosing to give her the purse and then move on with no expectations.
Good luck!!
I call those kinds of friends Vampires b/c they truly suck the love and life out of a good relationship and no one deserves that. One of my gf's is going through the same thing right now. She said she felt like a 2nd rate friend. Basically she would get blown of if other (better) plans were made, even if she made plans with her 1st.
Amye is right that kindness is never a mistake and I wish I could say i would be the better person but honestly I would not. I would not give her the gift. If this has been going on for sometime and you have been feeling this way for that time then maybe the friendship should be over. A friendship is like any relationship where there needs to be a give and take from both sides, if only one side is doing that then its not going to work. It does not sound like she is valuing your friendship at all.
Ask yourself this, will she truly appreciate the fact that you are such a great friend for getting her this gift. Not appreciate the gift itself but more the thought behind it. If they answer is no then I think that is your answer.
Sorry this is long and I hope that I didnt ramble too much!
ditto ditto ditto!!!!!!!!
i am not the better person and having been there, i would not give her the gift. im sorry you have such a crappy :friend" gl with what you decide. and you have to do whats best for you, not for her...