Holidays
joesbride07
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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anyone pick names but not happy about it?
in Holidays
this year we decided to pick names between my siblings, my older sister and i are married and i have 2 younger sisters who are single and in college. so we picked names because it will be easier on my youngers sisters, but i'm sad cause my dh picked my older sister and i picked her DH, i'm sad cause my younger sisters are more fun to shop for, and it feels weird to not shopping for them
Re: anyone pick names but not happy about it?
I hear ya!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
ditto!! we draw names with the ILs and have the last few years... they're actually fun to shop for!! my family has everything they could want. its not much fun to shop for them...
I don't pick names in my family, but my SO does and somehow I'm included in the list for his siblings. There are a total of eight of us in this list, that I never agreed to being on, AND I don't actually celebrate Christmas. I'll have dinner with some extended family and we swap small gifts, if anything. His family's gift price target is $50. I don't even spend that much on my own mother or my SO!
I am a very practical person. If I am asked what I want...it'd be something I could use, like a shovel to keep in my car for when it snows, a $50 gift card to a supermarket so I can buy a bunch of spices and some steak for some yummy dinners, or some cute bottles and mugs so I can take my coffee and iced tea to work.
I think I only hate picking names because I DON'T CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS AND WASN'T ASKED IF I WANTED TO BE INCLUDED!
Sorry, needed to rant.
Sorry, but if you didn't want to be included, you should've just spoken up right away - that's kinda your own fault there, hun.
I really struggle with this one. I LOVE gifting for the holidays - I really really do! But my family is getting way too huge to buy for everyone. (I have 5 siblings, they are all married but 1, and my baby brother and I are the only ones without kids...a total of 16 people to buy for in my immediate family only. I wish there were a happy medium, ya know? Like...just siblings again.
So we're down to 1 drawn name plus the nieces/nephews (there are 6). We also generally do something for our parents.
But then on M's side of the family, it's so random and sporadic. One year, everyone gives everyone gifts; the next no one gets anyone gifts. I hate it! They just don't really give a rip, which is fine, but don't do one thing one year and something else the next - it's confusing!
I just miss the days when it was 8 gifts for my immediate family, no one was married, and there were no kids. Kids gifts are so boring
In my immediate family we buy for everyone who will be there for Christmas dinner. Easy, fun, never more than 8 people, so it works.
Before getting married, when I went to my Grandma's for Christmas Eve, we were doing a White Elephant type exchange. There was a $10 limit, but it took a while, as you can steal gifts, etc. The time together was the point and not the gift, so it was fun, even if you only left with one gift.
DH's family - we have done it every way - all get gifts, a $10 limit, a $2 limit, draw names. We finally just decided no gifts - I find it easier that way. The $2 limit annoyed me more than drawing names - cheesy, cheap gifts, no thanks! One SIL does not have the money to buy for everyone and I would rather get no gifts and enjoy good food, some board games and the time together with his family.
If you are really uncomfortable with this way, talk with your family and see if you can change it. No sense in being unhappy about it when a conversation could make it better. If it is already set, do it this year, and ask to change it next year.
The first time I got a gift from his family was from an estranged family member who bought random things for every one that no one kept. Last year I don't even know if I was included. I lost my home to a fire, so I'm am assuming everyone used the holidays to help me out. (The fire was right before Christmas!)
This year, I just found out. I told him what I thought and how I felt. He seemed to just brush it off. I'll do it this year, like Ally said, but I'm going to suggest that we stop this new tradition since the woman who started it is now divorced from the family. I'd rather get small gifts for the family members I am closest, than one large gift for a member that I only kind of know.
But yeah, it's totally my fault for not speaking up. I find it hard to straddle the line of not being in the family and being considered part of the family (sometimes). I also consider the family time to be the most important, it's not often the whole family can get together and spend time without the TV.
I totally wasn't trying to flame you, babe - was just saying
But I DO totally know how you feel about being considered "family" part of the time, but not always. I'm ALWAYS considered "family" with my ILs when I have something to offer (i.e. baked goods, side dishes, graphic design skills, etc.), but when I'm just "<PPR> the wife of MH", it's hard to even remember how I fit in sometimes, it seems.
I do have to say that MH kinda "gets the shaft" like you do when it comes to my family, but he doesn't seem to mind. He's always included in the name-drawing process (along with all my brothers' wives), but if we were to buy even $15 for every family member, we'd be spending close to $300 easily just on my family alone. He's alright with the $100 compromise lol