How to decide where to go for the holidays?

mustanglvoerana

How do you and DH decide where to go for holiday get togethers? We have the hardest time trying to please everyone and go to my family and his family dinners on the same day. My family this year has decided to make thanksgiving dinner earlier around 12ish to ensure that we could go to the ILs dinner in the evening, BUT he said that he wants to flip a coin and only go to one dinner this year because he has two dinners on his family sides that we are invited too. HELP PLEASE.... Any suggestions?

angelashly

We have it easy since it is just my family and his family. On Thanksgiving we do my family at 2 and his family around 6

Christmas Eve is done with my family Christmas day with his.

It really isn't hard to do 2 in one day as you get used to it. We have even done 3.

You guys just have to find the right balance for you.

Dr.Loretta

We swap holidays. One year we go to his family for Thanksgiving, and ours for Christmas. We reverse the order the following year. My brother and SIL do Christmas with one family and Boxing Day with the other

Or you could host everyone at your place

MrsC2009

We decided before we married that we would alternate holidays each year.  Last year, we did his family for Thanksgiving and mine for Christmas.  This year, we will flip - my family for Thanksgiving and his for Christmas.

Mrs.Mo2006

We go out of town and spend it with ourselves.  Easy and stress free.

kellie08162008

we alternate holidays with each side like many others (thanksgiving with one christmas with the other, then swap the next year).  You have to decide what's best for you guys and I know some people that do both for each holiday if they live close but that seems like a lot......you want to be able to enjoy the holidays and not stress over going to several different places. 

EastCoastBride

HOnestly- you have to stop worrying about pleasing "Everyone" and focus on pleasing the two of you.  It can be hard to seperate the two, but you need too.

He wants to do just his family this year?  Fine.  Then x-mas will be just your family this year.  Then next year, flip flop the holidays.  Yours for t-giving , then his for x-mas.

If he isn't happy about only seeing your family on x-mas, then say "well, this is what you're asking of me for Thanksgiving....". 

But really- you need to stop worrying about "everyone else".

Sabrina121

we take turns for holidays...like for christmas last year he spent it with me and my family on chirstmas day so this year it's his family and we'll see my family the day afterwards.

It's an easy fair way, and it's not like you're family can argue with the logic of "we're switching it up every year, but we can still see you another day near then to celebrate"

It's too hectic going to both in one day sometimes, if you give them enough notice maybe one of the families would be willing to celebrate on a different day during that long weekend?

alroger3

Last year we took a year off from Thanksgiving.  Honestly, two big cooking holidays so close together are too much.

Hubby and I went to DC for the week of Thanksgiving and had a wonderful time.  A lot of restaurants have GREAT Thanksgiving dinners!  Our families still got together, but we were like--see ya at Christmas!!!

Who says you have to see everyone at Thanksgiving?  Family holidays shouldn't be so stressful.

k22t

we both have small families that we do both sides for both holidays.   my family generally eats earlier due to my dad's work schedule and his usually eats later in the afternoon.

you aren't going to be able to please everyone in both families.   you and your dh need to sit down, talk about it, and get on the same page.   most couples flip-flop the holidays (thanksgiving w/ yours and christmas w/ his, then flip it for next year and so on).

CanadianGurl

Because your family has already made plans for thanksgiving to be early so that you and DH specifically would be able to attent, I'd do one more year of both families (or just start this year off with your family, then next year his). Then I'd just start alternating. Our first married Christmas, (living with his parents temporarily until our place was ready), we started the day off at his parents for gift opening, then my parents for gifts and brunch, then my grandparents for coffee and a visit, then my aunts where my dad's whole family gets together, then my BIL's for a second dinner. Even though we technically spent Christmas with a ton of people, it was actually a really lonely Christmas that year. We spread ourselves too thin and spent the better part of the day in the car :P  It felt like we never got to see anyone. Last year (first year with DS), we spent Christmas eve with my family (who live very close by) and Christmas day with the ILs (who live next door). This year, eve with his family, actual day with mine and it will alternate. When it's time with my family, we go with the flow on what my parents want to do, usually brunch at their place, then dinner at whoever's turn to host (sometimes my dad's sisters, sometime's his mom, sometimes my parents house). When it's with the IL's same thing, we go where they go, or if our turn to host, then home.

Ally

After one year of doing all of my family stuff (extended included) and adding in his family, we knew something had to give.  Actually he told me he could not eat three Thanksgiving dinners in one day ever again and did not want to drive to three Christmas gatherings within 30 hours of each other! 

So, together, we came up with a plan:

Thanksgiving with my grandma and grandpa (my parents, counsing, uncle also attend).

Christmas Eve is with his family.

Christmas day is with my parents and my step-fathers brother and his family.  If time permits we do a quick stop at my grandmas between activities at my mom's.

It fits everyone in, we get to see the people that are important to us at least once during the season.  Not everyone is happy with us (specifically my grandma), but they have learned to accept this is what we will do.  Sticking to the same plan each year simplifies things for me.