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WWYD - Splitting time between Families for the Holidays (long)
Background:
DH's parent's are divorced so when we see his side for the holidays we always have to see both sets of his parents, and split our time. DH is an only child with no other siblings. My parents are still together and I have two older brothers who have children (so obviously my nieces and nephews).
Thanksgiving:
Every other year we switch which set of parents we spend Thanksgiving with (the actual Thursday meal) and then we go visit the other side the next day (but the extended family is no longer there since they still celebrate the day before, we just come to visit the parents for the holiday anyways).
Christmas:
Every year we spend Christmas Eve with my family since my brothers, and nieces and newphews are all there on Christmas Eve too (and we always have a big evening that night) and we spend actual Christmas day with DH's side (we see both set of his parents and extended family) and it works out great since we both get to see our entire family thanks to the two days of celebration (unlike the one day for Thanksgiving).
So this year is my family's turn for Thanksgiving. However, we just found out that DH's grandparents (on his mom's side) are spending Christmas (the few days before and after) out in California (visiting some extended family that live out of state) and so they are celebrating Christmas on Thanksgiving day this year. It's nothing huge, we do a big gift card exchange and a few gifts. We will still visit DH's sets of parents and aunts and uncles, on Christmas day, we will just not see his Grandparents since they will be in CA this year.
Should we still spend Thanksgiving with my family (since we didn't last year and it is their turn this year, and stick to the schedule)? Or should we go spend Thanksgiving with DH's side so we can see his Grandparents on Thanksgiving since we won't see them at Christmas because they will be out of town?
Note: Even if we do not see his Grandparents on Thanksgiving, we will still see them the day after when we visit his side. We will just miss celebrating Christmas (the gift card exchange) on Thanksgiving day.
WWYD?
DH says he doesn't care but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (I know his mom will care). We can easily switch years (and just skip Thanksgiving with my family for two years in a row and go see them next year) but I guess I was just really looking forward to spending Thanksgiving with my family this year. I miss seeing my brothers, nieces and nephews and we just spent Thanksgiving with his family last year (since that is the schedule).
Travel/driving is no issue. Both live fairly close by (within an hour).
Re: WWYD - Splitting time between Families for the Holidays (long)
I wouldn't change plans. Especially since you will see them the next day. It is their choice to be gone on Christmas.
imo (which I know is jmo), Thanksgiving is a holiday of it's own and should be just that. I don''t understand celebrating Christmas on Thanksgiving. Christmas is Christmas. Sometimes you don't see people on the holiday, and that's okay. When we can't be with family on Christmas we send gifts for them to open on Christmas or Christmas Eve (depending on the family), and we call them on Christmas. It all works out, and we all survive.
We used to be the people who switched years to suit family, but it became unfair to other family and we finally just said no. The funny thing was that it generally only upset one person, and everyone else was very understanding when we didn't make it because it wasn't our year.
Don't change your plans. You ARE able to see any or all of these people during the holidays, right? Nothing magical about this Tday?
This.
Plus I really don't see the big deal as you'll still see the grandparents just not on Thanksgiving day itself. I don't think missing the gift exchange is a big deal. You can still give gifts when you see them.
Ditto everyone else. Stick to your plans. If this were a situation where one of his grandparents was sick and there was a question to how long they have to live- different situation. But just because they decided to go away- they really can't expect EVERYONE to change all their plans just for them.
You can't please everyone. So- stick to your plans.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
My cousin and her fiance have a great idea that I plan to implement once DH and I move back to the midwest. One family gets Thanksgiving the other gets Christmas and they flip flop the following year. It's non negotiable for the parents. Of course they celebrate the holiday with family either the week before or the weekend after, but it really saves them driving around the state. I think it's brilliant.