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BFing encouragement please!
I thought that BFing was supposed to get easier...
I've just been so frustrated lately/emotional/conflicted feeling about BFing lately...and I really don't know why I am feeling like this....who knows maybe just hormones...
Austin only nurses when he goes to go to bed or take a nap and usually ends up using me as a pacifier until I pull him off, because he could be there for an hour or more...trust me, it's happened...sometimes he cries when I pull him off, other times he's fine with it....but he never pulls himself off anymore, like he used to - he'd get in a full feeding, pull off and stretch and have this great big look of being content on his face...
Now....he never does that...I never know when he's done, I never know when he's just using me as a pacifier....and frankly I don't want to be the "human pacifier", but I'm torn, because who am I to deny my son comfort? and if my breast comforts him, I should let him...especially since I'm SAH....
....but the reason I'm torn, is that I am the ONLY ONE who can soothe him...."just give him the boob" and he's good...he knows it, Tom knows it....so I feel stuck...I feel like if I ever left him with a sitter or with Tom to go out and for someone else to put him to bed or down for naps, he just wouldn't do it...he'd end up screaming and crying and just never get to sleep....
Then of course I have family members asking me "how long are you planning on breastfeeding for?"
And frankly, I don't know, I never thought about it...maybe 6 months, maybe 9, maybe a year... does there have to be a time line? It sucks because the only other people in my family who BF'd were my SIL (who BF'd for 3 months) and my Aunt (who was always criticized for being "stuck upstairs" feeding the baby at family events)
It's just very stressful...
Re: BFing encouragement please!
Oh hun, I'm sorry you are having troubles. You are doing a really great thing for Austin. But I definately know how you feel. Charlotte does pretty well for other people but there are times when only the boob will do, and when I'm tired I often just don't feel like dealing with it. Not that I have a choice, though, since the one time we offered formula she flat out refused it.
Now to make matters even better, I'm back at work and barely keeping up with her needs while she is home with Daddy. I'm terrified that I eventually won't produce enough. My goal is to get to 6 months but I'd much prefer a year, not only for the health benefits but from the financial ones. Formula is freaking expensive! Good luck!
I'm sorry you are having trouble, and I do understand. Isabella was the same way when she was first born and she was stuck to me and no one else could help. Her sucking reflex was so strong that she had to suck all the time. After a couple of weeks I gave in and gave her a pacifier. She didn't take to it at first, but she took it after a couple of days. She has been fine every since.
I am the only person in my family (and dh's) that ever bf'd so I know it is hard when you don't get support from family. I wouldn't feel bad whatever you decide, you have done a great job so far. Maybe you could try to nurse for a specific time then give him a pacifier and see how it goes?
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
Did not ever get the opportunity to try breastfeeding directly the way that you do (but wish I could have), so I can't speak from experience but I know that ups and downs as a mom are a constant thing!
Keep in mind that you don't have to make a decision today, tomorrow, or a month from now even about how long you are going to BF. Tell yourself that you will do the best you can, and take it one day at a time doing that. Every day that you can do it is a day that you are giving your child a wonderful gift and if you ever find yourself unable to give it, Austin will be fine then too. Don't put this pressure on yourself, as it definitely does not help matters!
awww, sweets, {{{hugs}}}
first and foremost you are a wonderful mommy for BF'ing through all of the challenges you have had thus far. I know its hard trying to figure out when they are done compared to when they are just pacifying. I was just able to figure this out within the last couple of weeks. I do a lot of massaging of my boob at night so I can be sure that he gets mostly hindmilk to make sure he conks out nice for the night. He usually then eats for 10 maybe 15 mins but past that point I KNOW that he is pacifying, which if he is not fully asleep I will allow but I have never had to do it for an hour. That's hard hun and you said that he wakes up if you pull it out....I am sure you are but I am going ask, are you doing it slowly mid suck?? That's usually when I do it for Connor and he will continue to suck but on his tongue instead. But I only do it when his eyelids are completely shut. He will sit there for sometime with his eyes mainly shut but not completely. So when they finally shut I rock with him for a couple of more mins the POP out...lol
Also congrats for you for alread being the longest BF in your family and (again) with the struggles that you have had with Austin and spit up and everything. You are a champ for that alone!!! Dont forget that.
PS- how the hell criticizes some for going upstairs to feed their baby? sheesh. I think its one of the most selfless acts that a mother can do, especially to have to pull herself away from the fun to feed her baby.
Ill give you a big hug tomorrow!
Hi Lisa!
I'm sorry that you're having a tough time right now. BF does get easier, but like everything else with babies there are rough spots every now and again. Let me see if I can help make you feel better.
If you pay very close attention to him while he is nursing you will be able to learn the difference between eating and comfort sucking. Eating (after letdown) is typically longer slower sucks. Comfort sucking tends to be faster and more "shallow" sucks. They may feel less powerful (like there is less suction behind them) and lighter. It may also help to time his eating. Figure out on average when he's got a full tummy at other times of the day and that might help you figure out the difference in the sucking. Kaitlyn was a huge comfort sucker! I refused to be a human pacifier. There is a difference between eating and comfort sucking, and if you're not comfortable with comfort sucking you should not allow him to do it, because he will and it may become a habit for him that will be very hard to break someday. Some women are fine with it, and that's great ... but others aren't. Don't feel bad. If he has that strong a desire to suck for comfort you may find that encouraging him to suck on something else (after some effort and hard work perhaps) will help. Encourage a paci, or even put his fingers in his mouth for him. Did I remember you posting that you leave a hand out when you swaddle so he can get to his hands? Help him by getting them in there for him when you decide that he's probably done eating. This may take some time and effort, but this is YOUR body and your comfort level. I loved nursing K, but comfort sucking made me crawl out of my skin! You're not denying him comfort, you're helping him learn other methods of self comfort (esp the hands!) and that's a skill that he needs.
I don't want to sound like the mean guy, but perhaps he does need to learn how to self sooth a bit now. The fact that you're the only one who can soothe him must be hugely stressful for you. I would consider altering his sleeping routine a little bit at this age to move eating farther from sleeping. If you feed, then read a book, then bed (or whatever else you want to put in the middle) he will learn to associate feeding less with sleeping and be less apt to require YOU to be the comfort before bed.
Don't let anyone make you feel badly for your decision to BF and try not to feel pressure to do it for any specific length of time. Take it day by day if that's what works for you- and tell the people that ask that. BF is a very personal choice and nobody has the right to make you feel negatively about it. Do it as long as you're comfortable, and tell your family that they're making you uncomfortable by criticising your choice. Perhaps they don't know that it's making you feel that way!
Thank you all ladies! *HUGS* It really helps to hear words of encouragement....when Tom got home last night I talked to him about it and he is really supportive, which helps tons....he said for me to try not to worry about Austin comfort sucking while eating, since Austin is still so young and that I am doing great with breastfeeding...
...Melissa, I think you are right though, I don't want it to become a habit that he will only pacify himself on me...he is super good about sucking on his hands now when he wakes up during the night or when I put him down for a nap, but during the actual feeding there is a lot of comfort sucking that goes on....
...I think I just need to stick with it, let him comfort suck while eating and encourage him to suck his hands, until maybe he can hold a pacifier in his mouth with his own hands, but right now he won't take one...
This morning he did great - I fed him and he passed out on me...I kept tickling his ear to wake him up, he comfort sucked etc....then when he was done (I waited until he fell off the breast) I read him a story, sang him his nap time song and put him down (in a sleep sack - yay!) and he was golden....I'll have to keep plugging along and see if this helps any - thank you again!
I am coming in late here, but I did want to respond. I pretty much agree with what everyone has said...BFing is so hard, and good for you for sticking with it!! Jordan is nearly 6 months old, and there are still times where he definintely isn't eating, just sucking. I usually pull him off when this happens, but sometimes I don't. When I do pull him off I give him his paci instead, and for the most part, he'll just continue his sucking with that. I know you had said in the past that Austin wouldn't really take a paci...is he still not taking one? We had been using soothies when he was tiny, and now he has his favorite avent one (if i lost that thing, I'd cry!!!).
As far as family and criticism, you gotta do what's best for you and for your family. I think that's true with anything relating to your child. I have family/friends who roll their eyes when I tell them Jordan co-sleeps with us...oh well, it works for our family, so we do it. I am still not certain how long I'll BF Jordan...he is FF some at daycare...I decided to pump 12 oz a day now that I'm back at work, so he gets 3 bottles at daycare a day, 4oz of BM, 1 oz formula. My original plan was to get to 1 year, but I have a feeling I'll go beyond a year but no further than 18 mos. Once he's a year, I'll maybe just do one feeding in the AM and one at night before he goes to bed. I'm still not sure...but I guess you gotta just go with the flow and see what happens. And never let anyone tell you how to do it...especially those who have never experienced BFing...it's a very bittersweet experience...it is hard hard hard work, but it is also so wonderful to experience that bond!!!!!
HANG IN THERE!!!!!