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What would you do? Discussion
I just heard a story about my FI sisters friend....she got married last month and a week after the wedding she found out her now husband has been texting a girl he works with since a month before the wedding and there were over 50 texts to this girl the day of their wedding. She confronted him on it and he said he's been feeling disconnected from her since the month before the wedding.
I can't even imagine what she's going through and my soon to be sister in law said she is beside herself and can't stop crying. I don't even know what I would do, the best day of her life turned into a horrible memory...and the guy she's been with for years betrayed her.
How would you handle this situation? I personally think it's a bad sign if this is how your starting your marriage off. I'm not sure what any of the text said but either way I think the guy isn't mature enough to be married if he couldn't discuss what he was feeling to his soon to be wife and instead decided to share his feeling with another girl
So let's discuss 
Re: What would you do? Discussion
My first response when I heard the story was that he has no clue what marriage is then....he felt disconnected for a month a runs to another girl....that feeling is going to happen A LOT over the course of a marriage.
I know that their pastor that married them was over talking to her but I know she kicked him out. I feel so bad for her!! I'm curious too find out what the text said too but I agree 50 text on the day of your wedding is way too much!!
I agree with this 100%. If he couldn't tell her how he was feeling, there's a problem, either with him, or their relationship, or both. AND, even if he didn't want to talk to her, how about talking to a guy friend, or a family member, not some random girl at work.
And clearly he wasn't just seeking advice from this girl, or there wouldn't be texts on the wedding day. And where was she while he was texting their entire wedding day? Not for nothing, but I would have noticed and questioned excessive texting on the day of the wedding, since pretty much every person we converse with on the face of the planet is all the same room.
2012 Reading Challenge
I would probably buy stock in Kleenex, demand to know the truth, and seek counseling for both people.
Was this chick at the wedding?
I'd be devastated if I were her. I don't know that I could get past him doing that on our wedding day. The day he is supposed to be thinking about starting our lives together and anticipating seeing me and stuff. It's just so disrespectful.
2012 Reading Challenge
I'm pretty sure she wasn't at the wedding, it's some chick he works with.
I agree that I don't think I could get past that, like a few of you said, it's your wedding day when he should be thinking of you and your relationship and the fact that he was texting another girls shows he has no respect for you or your relationship.
I know they are going to talk things out but I really don't think I'd except any excuse or reasons why from him...and if he does this now what's he gonna do when things really get tough
I just found and that they were having issues that they both knew about but ignored with the wedding and all. I still think he was an ass for not discussing it with her and instead doing what he did.
This poor girl has such bad luck with the whole wedding, she ended up REALLY sick the day of and now this. Not such good memories
50 text messages any day to one person is a lot in my opinion.
If they both agreed there were issues before the wedding then they are both idiots for going through with it. Marriage doesn't magically make your problems go away. It just says that you want to spend the rest of your lives together through the good and the bad.
But she found out after the wedding! Before the wedding, yes, that would have made me seriously question even going through with the wedding. However, after the wedding I would try and seek counseling first before calling it quits.
oops! in that case i would have to even the score. seriously though, what a scumbag!
I would be devastated but I think my actions would be dictated by (1)the content of the texts, (2) how I found out about it/how honest he was when confronted, and (3) how my H was treating the situation now.
(1) my wrath would vary depending on if the texts were flirting/sexual and talking about "can't wait to see you when I get back from my HM" or if it was "haha, no I'm still going through with it...really...thanks for listening"
(2) doesn't need further explanation
(3) If he was defensive and thought I was overreacting I'd be more pissed than if he was apologetic and wanting to work it out.
That's horrible....to find out afterwards would kill me. I'd probably kick him out too.
Both of them are idiots though for ignoring the signs and not putting a hold on things. He should have talked to her and she shouldn't have been so wrapped up in the wedding (which I'll admit is hard).
Just a little update.....So she kicked him out and she is done with it...he of course wants to work things out and their pastor is trying to get her to work things out but she refuses. Her parents went through a bad divorce and I guess I don't blame her.
The text that she found said "I really miss you baby, Love xxxx" So that in itself would be a big no go for me. This text was sent a few days after the wedding and this is how she found out....she then searched his phone records and found out about the 50 the day of the wedding.
I was talking to my soon to be sister in law and she said her friend is so mortified....she now has to go back to work after her wedding and explain what's going on. They cancelled their honeymoon the day of the wedding b/c she ended up with the swine flu and luckily they had insurance...she is now using that money to pay for the mortgage since he's no longer there, his parents are completely on her side atleast. I swear her getting the swine flu the day of the wedding was a sign from above!!
i am so sorry for her....but so glad she kicked him out. there are better men in the world and she deserves one!
That's insane! WTF is wrong with people?!
That text is definitely a deal breaker. She should sue him in the divorce settlement for the price of the wedding due to fraud. She has evidence with those texts.
OMG I think that text would have been a deal breaker for me, too!
That is horrible, but I guess it is better that she finds out his true character now than 10 years down the road. I feel awful for her.
I hate to be a complete debbie downer in this post but here it goes....
There were issues present in their relationship prior to getting hitched from what I read. It seems that both parties swept the issues under the rug for whatever reason. Maybe she was caught up in "planning" because honestly, don't most of us get bit by the wedding bug? He was swept up in his relationship with this other woman, maybe? It seems that neither one of them was effectively communicating with each other or nurturing their relationship before the wedding. I place equal blame on both of them and think that it is ridiculous to go through with the wedding, address issues now and kick your husband out. This is just my 2 cents but I think they owe it to each other to work through this. These issues should have been dealt with before they got married but they weren't.
The divorce rate is astronomically high. We are more loyal to our hairdressers than our partners sometimes. I remember going through an issue after I was married and learning things about my husband that I never knew. I was livid about what I had learned. Summer discussed things with me privately and shared what had worked for her when she went through a similar experience. I took what I learned from her and applied it to my own marriage. I couldn't be happier now and am grateful that someone was able to help me learn to communicate more effectively. Just that little bit of work helped salvage a horrible time in my marriage.....
Was that text to him or from him? Either way he's clearly in the wrong but I think it might be easier to forgive if it was more physical than emotional on his part.
But I agree if they swept issues under the rug, she should at least give herself some time to cool down and then talk about it before just completely walking away. There's a good chance that it won't work out in the end anyway but at least she might gain some insight and be able to let go of some of the anger.
I can't imagine how she is feeling. I wonder if her husband pursued his co-worker or it was the other way around. 50 texts is a little excessive, but they could be things like "how are you feeling?" "how was rehearsal?" "did you get your tux issue resolved?" etc. I don't understand why women pursue men who have committed themselves to someone else!?!
My husband had cold feet the week before the wedding. We had a HUGE fight and almost called it off. The days before the wedding I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. The actual day of the wedding he was late for the pictures, I figured he had backed out, come to find out he was lost.
He did have second thoughts and did almost back out. He told me this after we had been married a year. Yes, it has tainted my memories of "the big day." But it was only a day in our 9 years together.
I hope they can communicate and come to some resolution. Men can show their emotions in the most bizarre ways. I'm sure counselling would be agreat place to start.