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Should I feel bad about this? Please be honest..
Hello everyone!
I am new to this board and I just love it for all of the amazing ideas and advice. I was hoping to ask everyone's opinion on my Thanksgiving day situation so here it is...
This will be DH and I's first Thanksgiving as a married couple. We have spent Thanksgivng together in the past, but it was always with his family, my family, or we were apart. Thanksgiving is MIL's "thing" and every year she has a very big dinner with a lot of their friends and family (some of which I am close with, others I hardly know). We have been there for dinner the past two years and it has been fun but can be quite overwhelming. Every year with out question this is what she does and what we are expected to do unless we are out of town (we live in the same town as IL). This year we were supposed to go spend Thanksgiving with my family, but at the last minute DH could not get the extra time off of work 
Soo..we have to stay here again and I really did not want to attend dinner at MIL's this year. It has been a really stressful month with work and finishing my masters degree and I just want Thanksgiving to be laid back and quiet. So I talked to my husband and we decided to have our own Thanksgiving meal together at our house. I am excited about it because I have never cooked a Thanksgiving meal on my own and it is our first as husband and wife so I think it will be special. DH told MIL about it and said she was not mad but was upset about it. We were goingt o invite them over for dinner Friday night or something, but now I feel bad and that she is going to hold a grudge against me about it. If it was just going to be us, MIL, FIL, SIL, and DH I would be fine with it but there are always atleast ten other people there and I just really want a quiet, laid back day and the opportunity to make dinner for my DH.
Sooo sorry it was so long, but should I feel bad about this? I talked to my Mom and she said that I shouldn't feel bad, but I don't know. I don't want to upset MIL, but I would like to think that she would understand.
Thank you all so much!!
Re: Should I feel bad about this? Please be honest..
I wouldn't feel bad. DH and I did something like that our first Thanksgiving together. We lived pretty far away from our families and so we couldn't travel to see them, but it was great and I remember the entire day we spent together. I wouldn't feel bad.
No, I don't think you should be upset about that at all....its something that the two of you want to do.....
Why would you feel bad?
You're entitled to do what you want for the holidays. She's had years and years of hosting Thanksgiving anyway.
FI and I spent Thanksgiving together just the two of us last year and it was awesome. We had a very relaxing time and we'd love to do it more often.
Are you serious???
Honestly, quit worrying about how you're going to make people feel. Sometimes you have to step away from the holiday stress and do what works for you, and family feelings be damned.
We decided we are not traveling anywhere for Thanksgiving OR Christmas this year. My parents are fairly cool with it, MIL has been giving DH a guilt trip every time they talk. He just holds his ground.
My BFF "boycotted" Christmas last year and told her family she'd come see them mid-November instead. She said they're less weird then.
Don't worry about it. Enjoy your Thanksgiving.
Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
Don't feel badly at all. It is your life to live and enjoy.
Your MIL will get over it, even if it isn't what she planned originally.
Smith..I guess that might be because I have not cooked a Thanksgiving meal, so I wouldn't know. I guess I might find out!
Thank you for all of your input, I appreciate it. I am still not sure what to do. I told DH that if he wants to go there for Thanksgiving, I will make supper on Friday. So we will see. He feels the same way about his fam as I do, they are lovely, but quite overwhelming to say the least. I know it is difficult to understand without really knowing them. So when I mean laid back and quiet I mean a normal Thanksgiving dinner, not a Thanksgiving day party, which is more how I would describe this as.
I enjoy cooking and preparing large meals, so to me putting together a Thanksgiving spread is relaxing and gives me great joy, even if it would only be for 2 people. I would just scale the dish size, and roast a small chicken instead of a turkey.
If they live in the same town, why do you have to go for the whole time? Would going for dessert appease your MIL and not be too daunting?
I agree that you should do what you want....BUT...you did indicate a concern that MIL might harbor bad feelings toward you. Only you can answer the potential for that....but to me, an hour for some dessert would be totally worth making sure my MIL didn't resent me, no matter how in the wrong she might be.
You have nothing to feel bad about. You and DH want a quiet evening at home. You're having that. Don't let your ILs tell you what to think or do. It's your first holiday together as a married couple, good time to stand your ground. Let your ILs have you to dinner Friday if they want it so desperately.
GL
74 books read in 2011