Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Name changes
Hey there! I just joined thenest.com and I'm so happy to come across this community!! I was wondering how many people changed their names when they got married? My wife and I were married in August and my name change was completed a few weeks ago (I hyphenated, she kept her last name, future babies will have her last name), and I was wondering how many other people changed their names? It was kind of no-brainer to us, there wasn't even really much discussion because we were on the same page, but we have other friends that pretty much said that was insulting to them and heteronormative of us. I didn't think so, since we are doing it for safety reasons (no legal marriage IL so we have a freaking tome of legal documents and my name change to try and show intent of relationship) and when we have kids we don't want to have an issue in schools with us having different last names, plus I will be carrying, and the whole name change thing just makes things easier for us in the long run.
What did you guys do/what do you think?
*Lindsay
Re: Name changes
Hi Lindsay and welcome! The board is a little slow today with the holiday...
I changed my name to my wife's. I can see the "heteronormative" argument, but to me, being married to a woman negates any chance of herteronormativity! I think if in some alternate life I were marrying a man, I would not be so willing to take his last name, due to the patriarchal history. But marrying a woman made me feel free to do whatever worked best for us - I think as gay couples we have a great opportunity to make our own rules and feel free from conventions.
My wife was pretty attached to her name, plus, her name with my former last name, made for a serious tongue-twister, so that was out. My former last name was also super long, so hyphenating would have been ridicuous. I was happy to take on her name for our growing family, especially since we knew I would be the one carrying our children - so the kids may have my genes, but they have her name, which for me is special/important.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
Welcome!
I took my wife's name. It was my surprise wedding gift to her. I took her name for several reasons: 1) she is attached to her name and in her field reputation means something so she'd never change it 2) Personally I don't like hyphenating 3) I want our entire family, kids included, to have the same name 4) Having the same last name is a very subtle way to force people to see us as family even if they don't realize it (like if they saw our names on a list, there is an automatic assumption of family)
welcome! congrats on your marriage!!
I took my wife's name for the same reasons mentioned above. My decision raised a few eyebrows w/ some friends (they also likely saw it as anti-feminist and heteronormative). But in my mind, it was more pro-gay rights than anything since it was a way for us to claim recognition of our relationship and our marriage outside of a marriage license.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
Welcome to the board!
My wife and I changed our names to be the same. We both changed our names, so we now have (and our twins will have) the same hyphenated last name. My given last name was already hyphenated, so I dropped a part of it to pick up my wife's given last name, and she picked up the part of my last name that I kept. We really enjoy having a shared last name, and hyphenating with a piece from each of us seemed like a very equitable solution to us.
The decision to change our names was a bit of a struggle for each of us-- we were both very attached to our given names, professionally and otherwise-- but I think we're both happy with our final decision. (S, you can chime in if you disagree!
)
IUI #3 gave us the best 2nd anniv. gift ever: 2 babies! (born 03/09/10)
Peanut and Little Man are getting so big! 2 years old already!
finally blogging again at This Will Be: An Adventure
Neither of us changed our names. Our kids have a hyphenated last name (which is pretty short.) Informally we go by our hyphenated names (like I put "X-Y Family" on our cards and my parents send me stuff to Alison X-Y) but we've never done it legally. I am an only child and will be last person with my last name and L was well established in her career and not really interested in changing it. It didn't seem important at the time.
That being said, I would consider hyphenating if the kids wanted me to. The other day we were talking about what our names are (our real first names - not Mom and Mommy!) and one of the kids said, "Alison X-Y" (which is his last name.) L and I kinda looked at each other like, "hmmmm." So, if I do it, it'll be b/c it is important to the kids.
Welcome to the board!!!
My wife and I havent changed our names yet but plan on it when we start TTC. Right now, like 2brides, we informally use a hypenation. And all of our friends refer to us as our hypenated names.
I think its just a matter of perference. I kinda see the "hetronormative" argument but I don't think it's that for most people. I agree that it just seems safer to take your partner's last name when it comes to legal issues.
Welcome and congratulations!
We have been lazy and haven't formally changed our names yet. We will BOTH be hyphenating our names. We use the new name on cards, non-legal paperwork etc. I like that our whole family will have the same last name and that it will represent both of our families.
I never really got the whole heteronormative debate. I think every family needs to do what is best for them.
Legally we both have kept our names. We use a hypenated in non- legal things. Annie has my last name as a second middle name and legally has Carols last name. It was important to me that she have that connection to Carols family since biologically she is connected to mine.
Eventually I will legally hypenate mine... don't know if Carol will or not. However the next free money for legal matters has to go for second parent adoption so who knows when it will happen.
~Kennedy
Welcome Lindsay!
My wife and I have not legally changed our names but plan to do so after getting legally married next year. As of now I use my wife's last name when signing non-legal documents. When we do change our names we plan to both take my last name as a second middle name and both have her last name. When we have children they will do the same, so as a family we will all have the same last name. We didn't like the idea of hyphenating since our last names sort of rhyme it would just sound silly. By using my last name as a middle name it will be there on paper but we will never actually use it.
Married my best friend 5*15*2008 Trying to start our family 8*2011
unmedicated iui#3= bfp 10/20/11! beta#1=11, beta#2=85, beta#3=741,beta#4=1000,beta#5=2146,beta#6=7454 *please keep doubling*
No disagreement on my part.
My whole life I swore I would NEVER change my name for anyone, then I met C. I am honored to have her name and proud that she took mine.
Welcome!
We both bumed my maiden name into a second middle name, and DW's last name as our last name. I always knew I'd change mine no matter what, but it was important that I keep mine somewhere, so this was a good compromise.
Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale