Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
WWYD, BFF's FI w/another woman?
Hey ladies!!! I have a question that I cant ask any one else I know. Today I saw my best friends man with another girl. Here's the thing, this was at a market and I didnt really see them doing anything but I really dont think they are "just friends". The whole thing was weird, this girl looks just like my friend and I almost called out to her but, then I remembered I had just talked to her before parking and she was home babysitting. The other weird thing when I saw him I stared him down then he looked at me with this shocked look and almost said hi but I looked away, he saw my DH said hi, then my DH said " is willow with you?" and he just walked off. I tried to call my friend right away to see if she knew her FI was at the market without her but she never answered. she finally called back and said he was there and saw us I said oh I didnt see him. I am thinking he must have called after seeing me and told her he was there. after seeing him I quikly left and asked my DH if he saw that and he said yeah! I said theres no way I could tell my friend about what I just saw and then he goes "well, if it were me, I would want to know" (oh thanks!!). he really doesnt like her FI. The guys is a big time loser! he steals, does pills, doesnt work and I am pretty sure he is getting to be violent with my BFF. he completley lives off of my friend and unfourtenally they have a little girl. I feel so torn I want to tell her but, I am afraid of what will happen with our friendship.
Re: WWYD, BFF's FI w/another woman?
If I were you I would do what is best for your friend, I would prob tell her. She means more to you than covering up for him, even though it will hurt her. If my best friend saw DH with a girl I would be hurt if she didnt tell me.
This reminds me of my mom when my dad was cheating on her. He actually was cheating on my mom with his secretary, and my mom worked at the same office as him and knew the girl! Well, all the other workers knew he was having an affair and didn't tell my mom, even though they were all my mom's friends. Once they got a divorce, people started telling my mom they knew it all along. It really hurt her feelings that everyone knew and she still hasn't gotten over it 10 yrs later!
My Blog!
If she had any self respect, yes, she would want to know. The thing is, she obviously doesn't--she shows signs of very low self-esteem.
I say this because although he's exhibited every inch of being a jerk (taking pills, stealing, intentionally not working), she's sticking by him. She's probably aware he's with another person. Probably even multiple people. This isn't a first and will not be a last...but she's sticking by him.
If you do say something, maybe you and your friends should have an intervention. Be prepared to take her in (in the event she does decide to leave). On the flip side, be prepared for her to be angry and say hurtful things--possibly even stop talking to you.
Thanks Foto! your advice it great.
& Munkii, your so right, there is some low selfesteme stuff I didnt mention about her.I am so scared about what will happen.
here is my denial.... my DH was actually working at this market and ended up seeing him with his two friends and couple of girls... maybe they were his friends GF's friends? but, when I saw him he was only with a girl and the look he had when I saw him is what made me feel this way.
I am sure my best friend and her FI will be fighting sooner or later and I will have to be there for her.. I think I will bring it up then.
That's tough, Kayla. When you say that you're scared about what will happen if you tell her, what do you mean about that?
I can't help but agree with others that she should probably be told. EVen if it turns out to be nothing, I think better safe than sorry is key. But if you're concerned that she might injure herself or others (or something along those lines) then a different approach is needed...
That's tough, but I don't think I would do anything if I were you. I don't have any super close girl friends, so I might not be the one to respond here, but it doesn't sound like he did anything wrong. If it was innocent, she may get mad at you or her FI for no reason. If it wasn't innocent, and he's dumb enough to be out in public with another girl like that... he'll get caught eventually.
I had a friend like this whose BF cheated on her and her girls friends (I wasn't involved, I just heard about it) tried to tell her. She didn't believe them and in fact got angry with them for even thinking such a thing. I know it sucks, but she may believe what she wants to believe and that just puts you in the middle for no reason.
I was scared to tell her because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I don't think she'll hurt herself or anything, she is a pretty strong girl. I still feel mixed about it...
kelliejo pretty good point, if he's out with other girls he'll eventually be seen and caught. This is a market that my friends Mom would normally go to. Maybe I am just being crazy.
My bff and I made a pact long ago, after seeing another friend go through a similar thing, that if it were ever one of us being cheated on, we'd tell the other one no matter what. I feel like if he is cheating and she finds out later that you knew, like Foto's mom, she'll be hurt far worse. If you do tell her, yes she may be angry,defensive of him, whatever. BUT she at least will have been given the choice whether to deal with it and find out what's going on or live in denial. She can never say she wasn't told.
I told a friend years ago when I found out her FI (overseas with the military) was also "engaged" to a second girl (I found out from a friend of the 2nd girl who mentioned it when she saw a pic of the guy and my friend together in a photo album I had.) I felt bad being the one to tell, but that's the kind of thing she needed to know and I would have felt much worse had not said anything. Just my .02
Honestly, I would not accuse him of anything. If I said anything to her, it would be a casual, "Oh, I saw your FI and some friend of his the other day at XYZ. How's he doing?"
At this point, she has seen for herself some of the bad stuff he's doing, and still wants to be with him. If you accuse her FI of something he may not be doing, it just lowers your credibility and your ability to be there for her when he gives indisputable evidence of misconduct.
Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale