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I'm going to kick my family members really hard (this is a huge vent)
So last night my mom came up to visit and my MIL was over. DH and I were sitting and chit-chatting about how we plan to leave Hunter in his pack and play in our room until he's 5 or 6 months. We have a myriad of reasons to do this:
1. Our room is warm in the winter; his room is not. Our house is 105 years old. Its not well insulated, but there are new windows in our bedroom so its the best room in the house. Plus there is a bank of trees outside our bedroom that sort of "nestle" that side of the house. Hunter's room, not so much. My mom's response to that was to leave a space heater on his room at night (umm, fire hazard much?)
2. It is easier at night to grab him and feed him or change him when he's a foot away from us. I know he will sleep through the night eventually but I doubt he will do it consistently for a long time.
3. I am a paranoid new mommy and I want my kid close to me. He will get PLENTY of use out of his crib - he loves to lay in it now during the mornings when we get ready and stare at his mobile, and I plan on starting him on naps in there soon. But when you're as paranoid as me, it helps to be able to look right over and see his little chest going up and down. My mental health is more important than making sure his crib gets some use.
Basically it boils down to the fact that my mom bought us the crib so she thinks she wasted her money. Even though its a convertible bed so conceivably he'll use it until he's 18 years old and leaves the house. Or until we have another kid in a crib. Our pediatrician actually told us that the AAP recommends 6 months now for transitioning to crib so we're following that guideline (without meaning to). My MIL thinks she's knows best but she also told me that its okay to let him cry for 30 minutes at his age now if he just wants to be held and has not other needs (maybe it is, but I think wanting to be held is a good enough reason to cry sometimes!). I fully plan on having Hunter be an independent little dude...and he's already stopped sleeping in our bed at all (unless Mom needs a cuddle in the morning). Its not like we will NEVER have him sleep in his room. But if for now, DH and I are comfortable having him in our room...then why not? Plus, he has a "sleepover" every other Saturday at MILs or my mom's house, so he's getting plenty of away time.
And my mom was bold enough to tell us its going to affect our sex life. DH told her it should make it better because now we get to do it all over the house while he's asleep in our room. Score one for DH!
This was a huge vent. I didn't realize how long it was. Congrats if you made it to the end!
Re: I'm going to kick my family members really hard (this is a huge vent)
Yah for DH telling your mom about your sex life! HA!
Okay, it's your baby... I'm sure you'll probably get this 'input' for the rest of Hunter's life while in your house-and even after... You and DH just do what you feel is right and you should feel confident in that. Wow. Well, good luck!
This is what I was going to say.
Your mom is acting like you just announced Hunter will be sleeping in your bed until he's 18. Take a picture of Hunter in the crib and frame it for her. Maybe that will make her feel better?
Ditto, this is exactly what I was going to say. You're going to get this from all angles for the rest of your life. Just do what you and DH feel is best.
Good job to J for his reply to your mom!!
As for the rest, that's exactly what we're going to do: pack n play in our bedroom, naps in his crib during the day. I obviously think it's a wonderful idea! LOL
Don't pay attention, they'll get over it. As everyone else said, you're the parent, it's your call, and they'll have to deal with it. Just nod or whatever, acknowledge that you're listening, but do what you think it's best. If they ever ask you why you don't do what they say, just say "cause this works best for us", and change the subject.
That's my plan anyways...
Thanks girls!! Its a personal choice and I guess we'll just have to deal with what others thing. Like Twink said, its never going to end, everyone always has an opinion!
The funny thing is, they don't practice what they preach. When Hunter slept at my parents last week my mom moved out of her own bedroom and bought a pack and play so she could be close to him "just in case." And MIL doesn't let him cry for more than 10 seconds when we're over there without scooping him up.
Awesome that DH said that about your sex life!
It seems that everyone just wants to impose their parenting views on new parents so I get how that this is very frustrating for you! Grandparents/aunts/mothers should really just step back and realize that there was a point when they were new parents too and know that in the end you are going to parent the way you want to because that is what they did.
Its funny how everyone seems to know whats best for your son . . . especially when you spend almost 100% of your time with him and they spend what . . . 10%?
I get so fed up with having to justify myself to our family . . . I totally understand how you are feeling. Thank goodness my parents don't second guess me . . . in fact, whatever we do, they do the same when they keep Bebe at their house overnight.
I've discovered that its just best to smile and say "I'm the mommy and I'm doing a pretty good job. Thanks for the advice but we are happy doing things our own way." It usually shuts the bs down quickly.
And for what its worth, your doing a great job!
Thanks lady!! And both my mom and MIL both know they HAVE to follow our rules when they watch him. MIL actually yelled at FIL for having the fireplace on during the day when they watched him b/c I gave them a lecture on not overheating babies b/c of SIDs. They just still make sure to let me know they did it differently.