**Zee**

Leigha12

I almost want to thank you for you Jerry Springer Thanksgiving. I was secretly hoping someone else had a crappy @ss time so I would be reminded that my ILs aren't the worst. Ours was not quite as bad, but did resort to violence (just no knives). We went out of town for TG with the inlaws, and were there from Thursday til Sunday morning (first mistake, but I couldn't convince DH we should fly out Saturday). Thursday went ok, but Friday evening, BSCMIL started in on 20 yr old SIL, telling her she needed to change out her rubber band for a scrunchie so she didn't mess up her hair. It escalated (yes, that disagreement escalated). SIL ended up crying. I concinved her to come play dominos with us (without BSCMIL), and in the middle of the game, BSCMIL comes in throwing the wedding DVD and album I gave her at me because according to her, I was talking sh!t about her to her daughter (completely untrue). SIL starts crying again, they start fighting, DH steps in to keep BCSMIL from hitting SIL. He ends up with a nice scratch on his arm, and the rest of the night was spent fighting. She ended up half-@ss apologizing to me eventually, but I didn't need it. I discovered that when you have absolutely no respect for someone, what they say to or about you doesn't have any effect whatsoever (except to p!ss of DH). Oh, and add to that this woman didn't want us to leave the house because she wanted to spend time with us (she actually told her sister we couldn't go see her new house because she wanted us at home, but we went anyways) but every time we were all in a room together, she'd leave and go watch tv in another room. All she did was fight with people and sit on her lazy butt the whole time. She also wouldn't let SILs go to lunch with us because no one would be left at home with her (to do all her bidding). Oh, and we invited them to our place for NYE because Christmas is with my family this year and we can't afford another flight out there, and she said no because she's tired of driving to our place. She's been 3 times in the last 4 years, one of which was for our wedding. We drove there 4 times last year alone. Oh, and she'd rather go to Vegas, because "it's closer", although it is 200 miles farther away. Does this make ya feel any better?

RedZee

Oh man Leigha! It sounds awful! At least my TG only lasted 15 minutes total!

[What does BCS stand for?]

So basically, you went to your ILs, who insisted you stay there but kept treating you like crap? And they also treated their own kids like crap? Maybe EvSIL is actually the long-lost daughter of your MIL?

 I totally hear you on how your feelings change when you don't respect someone anymore. I've been trying to keep the peace and trying to make sure I maintain a good relationship with MIL and FIL. They are totally backing up EvSIL (can you believe it?!), as they have the whole time, because we didn't say hi to her (she didn't even say hi to me at my wedding, and she sent someone else to answer the door and walked out of the room when we walked in) and yesterday MIL called C and left this message: "Your fathers finger is still swollen." WTF lady? Haven't we all had enough fighting? Why do you have to continue it and leave such a childish message? I just realized that I don't care if they like me or not. I haven't done anything to hurt them. I've put up with a lot of their crap and crap from their daughter. I'm tired of being treated this way and if we end up speaking to them, I'm just putting my foot down. I have nothing to lose and I'm not going to spend my life dealing with this crap. There's no reason I have to worry that I'm going to be attacked every time we go to a family event (I've now been attacked by EvSIL at 3 of the 5 most recent family events).

I'm sorry you have to deal with them. Maybe next year we can get together for TG and forget our ILs completely!

Leigha12

BSC =  bat sh!t crazy (thanks, Mamie!)

BCS = bowl championship series, and clearly I have that on the brain, too!

I can't believe your ILs are taking her side. At least my FIL knows his wife needs mental help but can't get her to get it. But I blame all of them (him, DH, and SILs) for her being the way she is. She's only this way because they let her. He blames it on her spanish soap operas (telenovelas) that she watches all day (she tries to act out the drama).

And ILs have always treated their kids like crap, sadly. DH always has gotten the worst of it. His parents sat there one NYE and told us I was too good for him. And 2 out of the last 3 times they came to visit, they skipped out in the middle of the night without saying goodbye. But his mom insists she's never hurt him.

Next year is TG with my parents, but in two years, I'd definitely be up for TN TG

RedZee

Why does your DH put up with them?

I think this is what's so hard about ILs. People often act the way people around them allow them to act. If at any point in her life anyone had told EvSIL to cool it, she might be slightly more normal. But instead, they've always let her do whatever she wants and have just put up the money for bail when needed (I just found this out this weekend - she's been arrested for violence). You know how to deal with your own family because when it's your own family, you're part of the problem. But when you have to witness it for someone else's family who just became your family, it's a whole different bag.

I can't believe how badly your DH gets treated. It's just sad.

Leigha12

He has a very strong, misguided sense of loyalty.  But the biggest reason he puts up with it is because of his sisters. They're his baby sisters and he hates seeing them suffer like he did/they do. We've been trying to get them to come live with us but MIL won't let them and they haven't been able to transfer colleges (yes, both are in college, live at home and have the emotional and social maturity of junior high kids because they aren't allowed out besides for school).  DH was lucky that he got into school out of town, but his sisters were only allowed to apply to college where they live and where we live, and they only got into the one where they live.

And OMG, how did you not know she had been arrested?! Did your hubs know?

RedZee

Whoa - the whole situation sounds so awful! I knew parts of her past. I know she's had a lot of problems. I knew she had some legal issues, but didn't realize it was a complete arrest. I knew she had been in fights, but didn't realize they were major. I think C also felt a sense of loyalty and didn't want to paint his sis as the trash that she is. It's weird though because we are from a very not white trash area. I had a boyfriend who used to say that I went to Sweet Valley High. I think she had to actually make an effort to become such a low life.

mamie329

Ahh, this explains the chat message! You poor thing. I think my ILs are dumber than a box of rocks, but at least they're not psycho. You both have given me something to be a bit thankful for.

Leigha12

Yeah, Mames, they'd been fighting for over an hour and left me alone in the living room by myself. All I had was my I-touch and an internet connection!

RedZee

Glad to help Mamie! Ok, that's a lie. I'm not really glad to be the one who has to help with this, but I'm glad that someone is gaining something from it.

MIL e-mailed this to C and EvSIL:

thanks to you both I now know what depression feels like.

 

Give me a break. It's a little late to start with the guilt. You could have tried this a year ago when all this drama started.

SBS0628

I'm still stuck on the fact that the fight began over a scrunchie. Seriously? Who wears scrunchies anymore? Silly BSCMIL...

Leigha12

SBS0628:

I'm still stuck on the fact that the fight began over a scrunchie. Seriously? Who wears scrunchies anymore? Silly BSCMIL...

I'm still stuck on that, too! I did say one thing to SIL, I said not to wear the scrunchie because they're so 1985! The whole house is a time warp into the 80s, except for the tv and couch in living room, which were only recently replaced from the 80s version out of necessity.

RedZee

Good point SBS. EvSIL should just cut her up for committing such a fashion faux paz. We really must get our priorities in order!