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Christmas presents for bad kids?
What do you think/do?
I have 1 nephew (11 yrs old) and a niece (13 years old). The niece is a very good kid- responsible, gets good grades, is respectful, etc. The nephew is a whole different story. Since he could talk, he has talked back, lies, steals, etc. My brother is unable and unwilling to get him the help he needs (my mother and I think he needs counseling) to get on the right track. On some level, it is definitely the nephew being bad to get attention. But, then again, my mom and I care for him a lot and give him tons of attention and he still treats us like crap (just like his dad (my brother) does, but thats whole seperate issue).
My latest delimma is this: usually my mom and I get the kids the bulk of their Christmas gifts because my brother cannot afford to. In the past we've bought them Wii's, PSPs, DS's, bikes, etc. etc. We also buy their school clothes every year. This past Thanksgiving, my nephew was particularly bad behaved. He snuck my mom's cell phone into the room he was staying in and made phone calls (close to 60 calls... thank goodness they were only 1 minute each) to friends back in his hometown, threatened to call CPS on my mom when she took it back from him, ripped all of the cords out of the back of her computer when she needed to use it, etc. He shows no remorse and flat out lies about doing things even when we saw him do it.
I am tired of buying him expensive presents just so he can treat my mother and me like crap. Last night I took them out for dinner and he had the audacity to ask for a PS3. Nevermind that he is 11 and a total brat! My niece asked for a digital camera, and I'd really love to get her one. So, if I get her the camera do I have to spend just as much on him? I'd like to get him a bocce ball set or something similar to teach him that when he behaves badly it results in not as good presents. But, is that horribly mean?
Re: Christmas presents for bad kids?
ditto...i'd get him some socks!
i had this same trouble with my younger brother. from age 18-22 he was BAD, i.e. getting arrested, doing drugs, etc.
his bday is 5 days after christmas. i finally decided that even though my parents weren't really addressing the issue, i would... i got him nothing for two years. not sure if the point got across or not...
ditto joyco, i'd do something like clothes and call it a day. if he's bratty enough to say something like 'but she got a camera!' then you'll know you made the right decision
See, but thats the thing. I think one of the reasons I feel so conflicted is because he isn't an adult... he's only 11. But, man, what a brat!
Oh, and thanks to everyone for not pointing out that there are no bad kids. There are. If you'd like to meet one, come to my house at Christmas!
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... and because he's only 11 it might actually have an impact whereas i don't think my brother even cared. you're not getting him nothing, just not giving him what he really wants
He has to learn consequences at some point. My 16 DSS is finally learning those or at least I hope he is. He has to earn 100 for his class ring. We agreed that if he got good grades, attitude, etc, then we would pay for 1/2. He didnt own up and so we didnt pay. His ring came in today and he could not get it. He asked me for the money and I said, have you done X, Y, Z?
His response, huh, No but the rings are in! I need it. I told him he should have thought about that over the last 3 months he had to earn the money. It is a tough lesson.
Married and it feels so good!
good for you!!
WOW... good for you, PMBride!!! That is awesome. You are a good mom.
Why does it hurt to do the right thing? He might not even care, but its killing me not to just give him what I know will make him happy. I can't imagine his little face when his sister gets a camera and he gets socks! And, this isn't even my own kid!
I am such a softy. PMBride has balls of steel!
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At the age of 11, he has an understanding of how to behave--he's just choosing not to. I think giving him socks and underwear is a great idea. And if he has the audacity to ask why he got that when his sister got a camera, just be upfront with him and tell him you'll get him a gift as great as that when he can really appreciate it.
Then my 14 y/o daughter walked in the door acting like a raging monster and I am thinking of returning some of what is already wrapped under the tree for her. She certainly doesn't deserve to get whats on her list.
I say something less extravagent would be appropriate in your situation too!
Though I don't think I have the heart to go the socks and underwear route.
Ditto. At that age the last thing you want to get is underwear! I remember when my grandma got me underwear at that age and wanted me to hold it up for all to see.
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Make sure he understands WHY he is getting lame presents, but I do think the sooner these lessons start, the better. I'd also watch out for that camera considering his Thanksgiving Day behavior. Maybe your brother's Christmas gift should be counselling for him and his child(ren)!
Awesome PMBride!
Ooohhhh...some sort of educational video game for the pc would be even better. Ha.