Same-Sex Households
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Poll: Travel to lgbt-hostile location?
I'm feeling stressed and would like to try to get a little perspective from others who will understand.
If your best friend (yes, best friend) decided to have a destination wedding in a location that is openly lgbt-hostile (as in, gay sex is illegal there - with people being sentenced to several years in jail for it, and violence against lgbt people is very common)...
[Poll]
Mrs._F
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
Re: Poll: Travel to lgbt-hostile location?
I try not to travel places where my tourist dollars are feeding into a system of discrimination and hate. Of course that tends to be a lot of the US - lol! If it were my best friend I would go and just make sure to stay with the group or in the tourist spots.
And while I know it's not in your nature to hide who you are, neither you nor C have a look that screams 'd_ke' to passerbys. So if you aren't feeling 100% safe just don't hold hands in public and stay with friends.
It is Jamaica.
I feel the same way about where we choose to travel. And I do think about the fact that we are not necessarily "obvious" - but we will be two women with a baby unaccompanied by men...and based on my research, just being women without men is enough to put us at risk (though to be fair, probably not that much risk on the actual resort).
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
Bummer. My best friend is from Jamica and travels back to visit family every year. (She's not a lesbian). If you get to a point in which talking to a Jamacian might help you make your decision, don't hesitate to let me know. I can put you two in touch over email. I will tell you this, she has suggested that my DW and I not join her on trips back home (non-resort locations). But my DW does scream big D! lol...I'm sorry you, and all of us, have to consider these things.
Not my best friend - C's (but good memory, lol). That is an idea though. Maybe we could coordinate with their other friend and her husband or something. God I hate this whole thing.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
This is L and I. We aren't obvious and many people think that we are either sisters/friends and that the kids belong to one of us, or we each have a child. Or that they are my kids and L is the grandmother to the kids (ugh - and this won't pertain to you.) They really get thrown when the kids start screaming, "MOM!" - but you won't have this issue yet!
Honestly, if I see 2 women with a baby, I don't automatically think they are a lesbian couple (especially if there is no PDA.) While I don't condone becoming closeted, I would think you would be fine if you refrain from showing affection in public areas (outside the resort.)
But do what you are comfortable with and what feels right for your family.
FWIW, although gay male sex is illegal there, lesbian sex is not. Thus, you would not be in danger of being arrested. However, that obviously deals with only one of your issues--it doesn't deal with the fear of violence.
You definitely have my sympathies on this one! I have never been to Jamaica, but I have been in a place (Mexico) in which a woman traveling without a man was suspect and vulnerable to harassment or worse. My daughter later went there by herself, and was subjected to a date rape--which she could not even prosecute because it is not considered a crime in Mexico.
I take it your friend's plans are far enough along so that there is no possibility of changing the location? It just seems really odd that someone with close lgbt friends would select a location known to be dangerous to them.
Our wedding bio page (including vendor reviews) and items for sale
Oye. K has a friend here who is Jamaican and lesbian. She isn't even really 'out' here in the US for fear of what would happen when she goes home to visit.
It does seem really odd, doesn't it? C and I are not her only gay friends either - another of her closest friends is a gay male. But unfortunately, we are so far getting no empathy from her. She is fully in the stress of wedding planning and I think our fears for our safety are "just another thing." C tried to express our concerns to her. She and her fiance are going to Jamaica soon to check out sites and "feel it out" - though she does seem pretty set on having the wedding there.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
Before Annie I would have maybe been with the whole give it a try stay in safe areas, but now no I would not go. I would never put her into any situation where she could get hurt as a bystander. And I would never put Carol or I in a situation where she could be left without one of her moms. She needs us. Why put yourself in a situation where you have to worry - how would you even be able to enjoy yourself and relax?
As far as your friend "checking the situation out" Really no straight person can understand having to deal with the fear of violence just for even being suspected of being gay. She really won't get it , especially if she is traveling with her fiance.
~Kennedy
Kennedy, I can't thank you enough for your response. I am so glad to hear that I am not alone in feeling this way. I agree with you 100000%.
I can't imagine how terrified I would be the whole time, knowing that our child was in a potentially dangerous situation. I really feel that our friend simply does not get it, and sadly, is not going to get it. Maybe it will take us saying that we won't go if it is in Jamaica for her to realize how serious this is for us.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer
This is such a tough situation, and I'm sorry you have to deal with it and that your friend is making you go through this. I've been to Jamaica twice, once with family and once with a (Jamaican) friend. I, personally, would not go with my partner b/c a) we're an interracial couple and b) she's butch. I also had two scary harassment issues on my last trip with men that were angry that I wasn't interested in talking to/having sex with them. That alone seemed to make them think I was gay.
Do you know what resort they're considering? Would your friend (or you) be willing to ask the management if they are supportive of LGBT guests and if they think a gay couple would feel comfortable staying there? If the answer is no, perhaps you could use that as leverage to get your friend to at least choose a safe hotel. I would guess that you'd want a hotel w/ security that's not affiliated with the gay community (too much of a target) but not openly hostile (unwilling to protect gay guests)
Good luck.
I have to agree with Cymru.
Being a mom changes the kind risks you are willing to take. Even if you decided to go, the worry and prep work to make sure you were protected would put a damper on the whole thing.
I am so sorry you are being put in this position. It's so hard for anybody to understand what we go through, even those closest to us.
sahm ~ toddler breastfeeder ~ cloth diaperer ~ baby wearer