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Wish Christmas was over
We usually spend Christmas eve with DH's family. We ususally end up being there until midnight (FMIL wants us there promptly at 5). DH and I decided that since SIL goes to church and we dont eat over there until 8, we would wait to go over there until around 7 7:30 since FMIL keeps us there until midnight.Also has to do with the fact that FMIL has been telling people that I am a spoild brat because I told her we will not be buying BIL's house this spring because I do not want their house because of the size, location, and no yard, and I just dont want to make that big of a purchase from a family member. We spend christmas day with my family (open gifts, eating, sledding, movie in the evening). This works out pretty well, except last year FMIL wanted us to come back to their house for Christmas day after we ate with my family. We eat at 1 and she wanted us at her house by 2:30! While DH usually isnt a "mommy's boy" he gets mad when i dont want to give up my family time to spend it with his. We get over there, H plays games on his phone. FIL, BIL, SIL work on BIL's race car. and MIL ignores me. I hate being over there. Not to mention the fact that FMIL is mad that we wont tell her what we got BIL and SIL because we got everyone the same gift. (digital photo frame, with the wedding pictures they wanted on a disk.) FMIL informed DH that they spend quite a bit on his gift and he had better make sure we (meaning me ) didnt skimp on presents because I am cheep. They all made fun of me at Thanksgiving because I was going to the sales the next morning.
I grew up in a family where the presents we about meaning not how much you spend on gifts. It just really irks me that FMIL puts value over meaning of gifts, that is not what christmas is about.
I will be happy for the holidays at 12:01 Dec 25, when we are leaving IL's house! lol
Re: Wish Christmas was over
First of all, I'm kinda confused - does FMIL=MIL in all instances? B/c you say you're married (referring to everyone else as FIL, BIL, SIL and your DH), but keep referring to your MIL as your F(uture-)MIL? Just clarifying.
I know it's frustrating getting adjusted to having another family to celebrate with, and that you do things differently than they do. I think it's incredibly tacky that your MIL (or FMIL?!) said anything about the price of gifts. You do have to remember, though, that although you enjoy spending more time with your family and you feel more comfortable around them, that doesn't mean you're entitled to spend less time with the ILs just because you don't have as good a time.
You and YH seem to be on different pages about the issue, though, and until you and YH are on the same page, this is not nearly as much an IL problem as it is a H problem.
First of all, I'm sorry that you're finding the holidays stressful.
I would suggest that you and your DH sit down and set expectations for how you want to spend your Holiday... It sounds like Christmas Eve is for his family, and Christmas Day for yours. You need to settle on timing/scheduling for BOTH days - what time you plan to arrive, what time you plan to leave - and then you both need to stick to the schedule. Having things planned out will make you both feel better.
I would also suggest setting aside some special time for the two of you to spend alone - either during the day on Christmas Eve, or maybe Christmas Morning/Christmas Evening? Use this time to treasure each other in the spirit of the Holidays... be mushy, say how much you love each other, the things you're thankful for, compare where you were in life last year to where you are now, watch a cheesy holiday special, eat a special meal, whatever is meaningful to the two of you. It will help you to get in the Holiday spirit, and to remember the things that are truly important. Hold that warm and fuzzy feeling close, and when you get frustrated with others, remember it.
When it comes to your inlaws, suck it up. This is DH's family, and they're every bit as important to him as your family is to you. Yes, they sound like they can be jerks (the comment about how much you spend on presents is beyond inappropriate), but in the grand scheme of things, does it really matter? You're giving gifts that you think they'll like out of love - and you can't control whether your gifts will be received in the same manner. And while I sympathize that it's tough to deal with people who can be rude and thoughtless, remember that you cannot control the behavior of others - but you can choose how you allow it to affect you. If they're jerks, you can't change that - and out of love for DH, let it roll off your back. It seems like they can just be rather snarky in general, and you're not going to change that.
Sending you best wishes for a joyful Holiday! (And whenever you're frustrated, remember your love for DH, your wonderful life, and how thankful you are that you both get to spend the holidays with the people you love)
Wow - DH's family sounds like a pain in the rear. Make your plans for what works for the two of you, stick to it, and refuse to apologize for doing what's right for you as a couple. This is YOUR holiday (you and DH) jointly, and you're making it a priority to spend time with both families. The logistics of it will be what works best for the two of you, and your MIL can just deal with it.
Seriously, try and let it roll off your back as much as possible... it sounds like your DH is firm with his family about your plans, and your MIL is going to be a pill about it regardless. Suck it up, you're doing what's right for the two of you, and neither of you need to feel guilty about it.
If your MIL brings it up again, you can always say something along the lines of "Christmas is very important to DH and me, so we make it a priority to see both sides of the family - so we're all yours on Christmas Eve for dinner, and on Christmas day, we'll be with my parents." And if she brings up that you should be apart (like BIL&SIL), say that "I'm glad that BIL&SIL are able to have the Holiday they would like. We're pleased that our tradition allows us to see both sides of the family for the Holidays, and this is the way that works for us"
This doesn't make any sense. What does your BIL's house have to do with how late you stay at your MIL's house? #1--Leave when you're ready--no one can make you stay. They're not handcuffing you to the furniture, are they? #2--you're not obligated to buy anybody's house, and you're even less obligated to explain why you didn't. "That doesn't work for us." Full stop.
You may not love every minute of your time with your inlaws (and I'll bet your H doesn't love every minute he spends with your family), but you do need to be a grown up about it--your H does get to be with his family, too.
I have a feeling you're being really hyper-sensitive here--especially "making fun of you about shopping sales--who cares?!. "Mad" that you won't reveal gifts? Really? Just smile and say, "everyone will find out what they get on xmas day!" Repeat as necessary. As for telling your H how much to spend on gifts, your H needs to find his balls and tell his mother that gifts are not about $$ and it's not her business anyway.
Why does your DH let his mom get away with speaking down to you? Has he ever called her out on it?
However you work out Christmas with your families, you have a problem with DH not standing up for you to his mom, and that's not something that will go away once the holidays are over.