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Is your DH/SO like this at Christmas? A bit long
For whatever reason, this year my SO has become a total grinch! The last 5 Christmases he was totally excited, had his shopping and wrapping done, and was in the holiday spirit. This year, it's like he isn't even into Christmas. He won't listen to more than 3 Christmas carols, and he refuses to start shopping yet. He works until 8:30 p.m. all this week. Malls around here close at 9 p.m. Because he doesn't start until noon today, I mentioned to him that he should head out to the malls before work and get some stuff done. Leaving it to the very last weekend before Christmas would be a nightmare. He got a bit snippy and said he would go on Saturday. Then we got into the discussion of putting time and effort into people's gifts. I am of the opinion that the thought is more important than the gift itself. He would rather risk it and go last minute and hope that whatever he is looking for is in store. I get upset becuase I have been getting his gift together for 2 months now. I have it all wrapped and ready to go under the tree. His stocking is even done and wrapped.
He says he is just stressed at work. This time of year gets really busy for his company. But shouldn't Christmas be something that excites him and cheers him up? Come Christmas morning, I know he will be excited and happy.
Re: Is your DH/SO like this at Christmas? A bit long
Has something happened differently this year with work as opposed to previous years, or is this the first year he's working for this company? It seems to me if he's worked there for a while, there has to be another reason he isn't getting into the Christmas spirit.
My DH is only like this during deployments (for obvious reasons), so I cut him some slack, but I'm not sure what could be causing this with yours. Maybe there's something going down in the office that's extremely stressful and he doesn't want to worry you about (cut backs, ect) during Christmas and he'll open up after. Maybe help him with his half of the gifts (minus yours), but offer it first instead of just doing it. Just see if it would ease some stress if you got it started and he can help wrap this weekend. I know it adds to your plate, but sometimes that's better than him being so upset and stressed and bringing you down.
He has been at the company for 3 years. I know that recently the company let go of 6 employees from his department. I am sure that is weighing on him. But sometimes you gotta leave work at work. Also, he had his review with his supervisors before the terminations and he got rave reviews and told he was doing really well. I have a feeling he knows he has left everything until last minute, so I am sure that is causing some self-induced stress.
Also, I have done half of his shopping! I have all the nieces and nephews gifts half bought, and one completely bought. His only job was to pick out a toy to go along with the gift (new jammies). I also picked up his sister's 30th birthday gift for this weekend. He only has to buy for me, my parents, his BIL and get a couple toys. That's it!!
Men, gotta love them.
It sounds like he's under some stress, and I doubt that your "BE CHEERFUL, DAMMIT!! WHY CAN'T YOU BE CHEERFUL?!" attitude is helping much
And stop being the Christmas shopping nazi--he'll get it done or he'll learn the hard way--but your harping on him to get it done and get it done with a smile is probably driving him completely nuts.
I posted a month ago about DH. He is a total grinch. Hates everything christmas/holiday. I try not to push it on him, he has a very demanding job and many times takes his work home since he has to which is fine.. For the last 5 christmas's I try to keep it very low key with the decorations, a very tiny tree. Its tough when I was a child my famiy did it up big. My husband doesn't care about gifts. For some people christmas doesn't cheer them up. Honestly some of my hub's mood has rubbed off, I never want to buy anyone any gifts anymore. I buy everyone gifts, I dont ask him to do any of the shopping, I take the list and just go at it. I know he doesn't care so I ain't going to push it I think its partly due to his family. They are always yelling and making matters worse.
A month ago people suggested starting new traditions, just us and branch out. Also we seperate all holidays between families, so not everyone is not in his face, this helps a lot with my husband. Christmas morning we will be ourselves and enjoy our time. Next year we will host xmas eve dinner which we agreed on. Its tough to get down to his comfort level, but it takes baby steps.
It honestly sounds like your real concern is that his gift to you won't be as "great" as yours is for him. That's not the true spirit of gift-giving.
Why do you care when he gets his shopping done? There is still time and it's his responsibility. I don't think you should mention to him anymore when he should shop or have a discussion about putting thought into people's gift, it sounds like you're treating him like a kid.
I don't think getting lectures on how to give thoughtful gifts and how he should be feeling this time of year are reducing his stress levels.
Lay off him. He's stressed at work, his workload has probably increased after the layoffs and he probably didn't know if he was on the block or not. That'll kill anyone's holiday spirit. Plus, he's going shopping on Saturday--not Christmas eve, there is more than enough time to put together a thoughtful gift. For all you know, he's got everything already picked out and just hasn't had time to buy it (or pick it up off layaway).
This. And there's this crazy thing that Al Gore invented... It's called the internet. Maybe he is ordering things online and having the store gift wrap and ship them.
My DH's sister lives in CA and we live in PA. We order stuff for each other through amazon all the time. Amazon wraps the gift and ships it to her for us. Yeah... we're lazy that way.
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
On the other hand: this year I am being grinch like.
I love Christmas, almost as much as I love Halloween. I just can't seem to get into the spirit. Everything seems like a hassle.
Nothing is wrong, I just feel stressed and tired. So I'm procrastinating. The H has commented on how different I'm being this year, but he hasn't forced me to go Christmas shopping or been nagging me to help him finish putting up the Christmas lights.
Go easy on him and trust that he will get things done in his own time. Be there for him to vent about his stress, which (from what you've been saying) is more than likely job related.
Some of you certainly didn't understand at all what my post was about. I couldn't care less about what he decides to give me materialistically speaking. It's not even about gift giving really. He is just such a debbie downer this year for reasons unknown. I have asked what's up, and he said nothing, he just doesnt't feel that excited about Christmas this year. Yet, he wanted to go see A Christmas Carol. It's all so strange. I certainly do not force Christmas carols, etc. on him. My whole issue is that he is like night and day from last season. He just doesn't seem to care. To me, if he doesn't feel like putting thought into the gifts he is buying people, then why bother!? We are doing very well financially, and we live in Canada where we are now out of a recession. SO and I never did feel it, fortunately/thankfully.
My pet peeve with this is that he makes a point of making snarky remarks because I choose to partake in the festivities. If a Christmas song is on the radio, he will reach over and change the station. If I am watching some cheesy Christmas movie, he will come into the room and want me to change the channel. He has no problems writing a list of things he would like for Christmas, yet he doesn't seem to feel like putting any effort into anyone else's gifts this year. I would be happy with a homemade craft with pictures or something, because something like that takes thought. He hasn't been this way in all the years I have known him, and it is such a sad thing to see him be so blah about Christmas this year.
I know a lot of people are a bit down and out this year, and may want Christmas to just be over with. But, there is no need to impose negativity towards the holidays on someone else just because you are not into it yourself. That's my whole thing. I don't care when he shops, I was just making a suggestion so that he wouldn't be running around stressed as Christmas approaches. I wasn't nagging him, but I can see how my Op may have sounded like I was.
Then you need to tell him to cut the scrooge crap. Tell him you know he's stressed out with work and may not be feeling the full excitement of the season but he needs to not stifle yours.
If you're crafty, I have a pattern for a knitted lump of coal (called Grumpy the lump of coal) I can e-mail you. You can knit up a few and just leave them all over the house for him to find.
I'm sorry that he has changed since last year. I konw that would greatly upset me because I LOVE christmas and so does my DH. I wouldn't have married him otherwise.
I would just try to tell him that his "scrooge" attitude is ruining your enjoyment. I'm sure he will get the shopping done, so I wouldn't bother mentioning it again, but he does need to know that turning off christmas music and making snarky remarks needs to stop because he is being disrespectful of your holiday.
Merry Christmas!!!!
Why is he buying for your parents? Shouldn't you be doing that??
I've got more issues than a magazine
Reading this thread is like listening to nails on a chalkboard.
This is so not about Christmas shopping.
Something happened this year as compared to the previous five years and you don't seem to have a clue as to what happened. How is that possible? Do you ask him why he turns off the radio? Do you ask him why your partaking of the festivities is something he now pokes fun of instead of joining you? Have you asked him anything specific that he can give an answer to? Asking him why he's "not into Christmas" is too vague, get specific, and get into a dialogue.
Has it got anything to do with how he now views the holidays as compared to years past? I know I went through quite a lot as I shifted from a secular view of Christmas to a more spiritual one. Anything like that going on?
Any family problems or changes? Loss / change of holiday traditions can really upset people, even if they don't realize it.
My husband and I have specific likes/dislikes about the holidays. It comes down to compromise. And it also comes down to me doing things on my own that I enjoy, such as attending holiday craft fairs, and not making him go, to help us enjoy the holidays.
The layoffs at work could be upsetting him more than he's willing to admit, or upsetting him more than he realizes. Especially if he was friends with any of them. And leaving work at work isn't always easy, it's part of who we are.