My mom bought me a book some time ago called The Impovrished Student's Guide to Cookery, Drinkery and Housekeepery.
She swore by the book when she was young (my age, a little younger) because she had literally no idea how to cook, etc.
I sort of put it up and hadn't really looked at it, until last night. I pulled it out wondering if it had a recipe for chocolate chip cookies. I opened it to page 2 and started cracking up.
The whole book is hilarious. I highly recommend it if you can find it. It's a very thin book (literally, maybe 20-30 pages... wait, it's 48 according to amazon) but his explanations and descriptions are fantastic and snarky.
I'll try to remember to bring it in and scan the analytical flow chart for you.
Re: s/o <1000
I just a friendly gal looking for options.