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Vaginismus
Hi, I'm new here, but I quietly watch from the sidelines a lot.
Anyways, ever since my husband and I got married it has been very painful for me every time we have sex. We had sex before we got married with no issues (he was my first but I wasn't his) but we stopped about 8 months before because it was a rule of our pastor if we wanted him to marry us.
Ever since the wedding it has been very painful for me. I went and had my annual gyno appointment and I spoke with my dr, but she was honestly no help. I told her about the pain I had, how it didn't matter what part of my cycle it was, how it wasn't a pain I had previously and she brushed me off without really giving me any advise or answers.
After doing research I ran across vaginismus and reading about it and stories of other women, it's like my words were stolen from me. I feel this is what I have and I was just wondering if there was anyone else out there who had this. Advise? Wisdom? A few words of comfort? I don't think i have to tell anyone how much of a failure it is to want to have sex but can't because of intense pain. I feel like a failure of a wife, and my husband is wonderful. He tells me that it doesn't matter, our relationship is about more. But, I know he has needs and I *want* to be able to not only fulfill them, but to ENJOY it.
So does anyone have any information or advise or anything to give me hope?
Sorry this was such a novel
Re: Vaginismus
Following the program from vaginismus.com helped me a lot - as well as the message boards there. The women there are very positive and helpful. There's no need to be shy or ashamed there. My advice to you is to buy the kit from vaginismus.com and get to working on it when you feel comfortable. Your husband seems very supportive and that will be a HUGE help.
Since you've had sex pain free previously, you should be able to get there again. It will be a mind over matter battle, but it's worth it of course. For me, sex is still somewhat of a challenge - but just the fact that I know what's going on now makes all the difference in the world. If I'm feeling uncomfortable to begin with, I just ask my husband to back up for a minute while I try to relax muscles and we go from there. It's when you tense up because it hurts but try to push through it that creates a snowball effect.
First off, I would find a new gynecologist that listens to you and discusses treatment options. Painful sex can be caused by *so* many different factors--many of which can be eliminated with minor treatment. Please do yourself a favor and get a second opinion and new doc!
I've heard great things about the vaginismus.com website and program. Something you may want to pursue alongside this is pelvic floor PT. Talk to a doc about this.
Good luck!
Agree, 100%. It took me 3 gynos to find one who would listen. She prescribed pelvic floor PT. After about 6 months, we were having pain free sex again.
I've tried the lidocaine thing, and I don't get it. First, it burns when you apply it (no fun!). Second, it's only treating the symptom, not the problem. The PT treats the problem, which for us has been the long term solution.
Find a gyno who will listen.
After reading the other replies you've got here, I wanted to add another vote for finding a gyno that will listen. I spent about 6 years trying to talk to doctors that told me to "relax, have a glass of wine...Use lots of lube....Take this antibiotic....take this antifungal....some women just take longer to get turned on "properly'...(and my favorite) The more sex you have, the less it will hurt, so just do it." Oy!
I finally found a good gyno and her wonderful, wonderful NP who actually listened to me. Then ran all the proper tests looking for out of the ordinary infections and hormonal imbalances and skin disorders. They found that my vaginal tissues were generally irritable and thin (I think, because of years of birth control pills) and prescribed Estrace cream to use topically. And I did the program through vaginismus.com in conjunction with the Estrace treatment...with full disclosure to my doctor. Also, not saying this is for everyone...but getting off of the Pill helped me out tremendously. I'm not constantly dry and chapped feeling anymore.
So, yes, $100 for the packet from vaginismus.com seems like a lot...but I spent WAY more than that treating all the wrong things for years and years on end.
My gyno thought I had this too & advised me to switch to fragrance free soaps and laundry detergents...pretty much anything that would touch the lady bits. That didn't help. After a while, I did some research and found out that the antibiotic I had been taking for almost 6 months (for acne) was causing the problem. It was pure chance that I looked it up. I turned out to be just one of a very small percentage of women that it happened to. The one I was on was called Doryx. When I stopped taking it...problem fixed! Just thought I might let you know so that you could check any meds you might take or change anything else. I hope you find the trigger! GL!
I am so glad that I am not the only person who suffers with this! You have secondary vag. I am able to have sex, but it's still painful, I still have the primary vag, since I have not yet overcome it. I didn't order the kit even though I was tempted to. And honestly, I wouldn't if you have been able to have sex before. It's (mainly) for women who have never had sex/inserted tampons/had an exam before. My OBGYN suggested buying a tiny width vibrator. The smallest I think you can get is from .5-1.0 inch I believe, not sure, but it doesn't matter the length. The vibrator is the same thing as the dilators pretty much.
Use tons and tons of lube. I am very very dry down there and we have to keep applying lube during sex, around 3-5 times during sex. It's annoying, but so worth it, if we don't I burn down there for hours during the sex and afterwards. Also, try to get as turned on as possible before sex. Use the vibrator by yourself first, with lube. That might sound weird and uncomfortable to you, but trust me, it will work. I would use the vibe as much as possible, but at least once every other day..this will train your PC muscles to get used to sex. Also, read up on it online. The website: http://www.vaginismus-awareness-network.org/ the best site I could find.
And join a yahoo support group : they have both a primary and secondary vaginismus. If you need anything at all, message me, and I will be glad you help. GL to you
I feel like this thread is dead but just thought I'd add my $.02:
1. ITA that you need to find a gyno who will listen to you. I had similar (worse) issues and doctors that brushed off the issue just made me feel like more of a failure.
2. Even though this was the case for me, I don't think that the dilator kit is just for women who have never been able to have sex/insert tampons, etc. The purpose of the dilators is to slowly stretch and retrain the muscles. It's also great if you have anxiety relating to the pain that causes you to tense up even more.
p.s. I'm not sure if this was a fluke or not, but I actually got my dilator kit for free because my gyno's office had some for display purposes. It doesn't hurt to ask!
P.S. I know the kit is expensive, but if you think you can do it, no price is too much to pay for your intimacy with your husband!
They don't ship to the US but if there is any woman in the US who would like to try it I'm happy to ship it to you (if you just buy it from the website). I wish every woman who has vaginismus knew about it!