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I'm curious how this is going to turn out...
My birthday may suck this year. I have hope that it won't, but we'll see.
DH's uncle passed away on Christmas. FIL flew to San Fran (where he lived) the day after Christmas. He was trying to get out there before his brother passed, but it did not happen. They didn't have a funeral for him because he didn't want one. I believe he was cremated.
Now DH tells me that they want to do a memorial service/burial in Peoria, IL...On my birthday. FIL has informed him of this.
I'd only met DH's uncle once in the six years I've known him. He lived in San Fran and never came to the midwest until DH's grandma's funeral in August. DH said that he hadn't seen his uncle before the funeral since the mid-90's. It's my understanding, when you get down to it, he was a drug addict that had AIDS and Hep. C. He came down with pneumonia and that's what did him in.
If DH goes to this memorial, it would be for FIL, not his uncle. FIL has been calling DH a lot regarding his brother passing away and GMIL passing away. It's taking it's toll on DH emotionally and in his relationship with his father because his father can't seem to get past all this stuff and is wallowing and putting a lot on DH. DH is tired of hearing about it and does not want keeping go over the same isht all the time with FIL.
DH does not want to go. We already have plans to go to his annual work party, which falls on my b-day as well, and we are so looking forward to it. DH talked to BIL last night and BIL pointed out that because we're here in Indy (whereas he and DH's sister are not), DH already does above and beyond for my IL's and letting them down this once would not be the end of the world.
I'm hoping DH sticks to his guns. He's not always so good at it when it comes to my IL's. They are quite needy at times. In this case, I would go with DH to Peoria to support him because I know he'll need it. We had quite the dialogue last week (I saw it as a discussion and he saw it as an argument) about my IL's and how DH cannot feel or be responsible for their emotional state (which he does sometimes more often than I'm comfortable with but it's gotten better since we've been together). He just has to be a good son (which he more than is) and remember that he has his own family now that comes first.
I did hear him in the phone telling BIL that among the reasons for not wanting to go, that it's my birthday and he would feel bad asking me to spend my birthday in that manner. Especially since he's not so keen on going. We'll see.
Re: I'm curious how this is going to turn out...
We already have plans for a party with our friends for the following weekend. DH's b-day is three days after mine.
Exactly O. I'm more sad that by going, we'd miss his work party, which was such a blast last year. I am (was?) really looking forward to going.
Hopefully, if we do go, we can leave the kiddo with the fam and go get dinner alone together or something.
I have a feeling that none of this will be decided until a few days before. We'll see.
FIL is a wallower. Before the deaths, it was the fact that he didn't have a job, and before that it was the fact that all his kids moved away and didn't spend enough time with him (which we live in town, but didn't/don't spend enough time with FIL or whatever). So, DH doesn't know how much of this is FIL being brokenhearted over the passing of his mom and brother and how much of this is just FIL wanting to have a pity party over something.
I've made no comment to DH regarding my feelings either way and will do what he wants to do. He knows I'd be disappointed in not going to the party, but knows I can live with it.