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not looking for ridicule, seriously wanted advice.
so i mistakenly posted this on the married life thread and all i got was jokes made & snarky comments...was genuinely looking for help and i felt like i got laughed off that thread. please help me. im brand new to this site..did i do something wrong?
long story short, hubby & i are 2 months newlywed, TTC, & house hunting. not to mention we both work full time. Needless to say, we are a little stressed. HOWEVER, i never dreamed we would be having this kind of issue....not enough sexytime. when we met, we had CRAZY GOOD sex all the time, everytime we saw each other. i understand things cool off a bit after you've been together for a while, but this is rediculous. Its only been a little over 3 years that we've been together, and its prob. been a year & 1/2 since we've had THAT kind of tear your clothes off need you right now DONT CARE WHERE WE ARE kind of heat. is this normal???? what do i do??? have tried to talk to him, tried putting the moves on, cant help but feel like he has lost interest, even tho he says he is still just as hot for me, just as attracted to me as the day we met, even tho i feel like he never initiates...just feeling a little neglected/rejected lately. as i type, its 9:00pm on a friday nite and hes been passed out for an hour, and im really f'in bored. just want my lover-man back, & i dont know what to do. i ADORE everything else about our life together, he is truly my best friend & soulmate, the love of my life. we are totally expressive of our affection in every other way, just really feel like i need to get laid more or im gonna explode! WHAT TO DO???? help!!!!
Re: not looking for ridicule, seriously wanted advice.
Stress? I'll say there's stress: you just got married and the heat is on to have a baby soon AND get yourselves settled in a home of your own!
That said, why not cool the TTC and the buying of a home? Wait until your marriage has legs -- wait a couple of years -- and then see where you stand after that, for both TTC and buying a home.
That said, do not believe everything you read about newlywed sex. Not every newlywed couple is busy humping away like it's a virtual porn flick.
Well, here's an idea:
If your life is freaking trashed around you, don't bring kids into the mess. Problem solved.
You noticed passion cooled off after you were together awhile -- and sure, it was animal sex at the start: this was an infatuation phase and that's pretty much normal when you start to get physically involved.
My other advice:
Slooooow dowwwwwn.....cool it on the TTC and pressure to buy a home and let nature take its course between you and the H.
Make a pregnancy ticker
No, actually, i didnt "let myself go" as you put it
Make a pregnancy ticker
Sure you did....or he's gay....
Make a pregnancy ticker
I live in NJ also. Living costs are off the hook.
Hope you'll give some thought to slowing down and taking it easy. YOu are asking for everything YESTERDAY.
Ignore Kharmin. They're a troll.
Anyways, have you sat down and actually talked to him about this issue outside of the bedroom?
I second all of this. It's normal to cool off. All relationships go though phases. Hubby and I went through a phase of anywhere, anytime when we were much younger. We are way past that phase now. We are in the work, stress, bills, errands, chores, cleaning, laundry, garbage, etc. phase. We still have our time together but it's not has hot as it used to be (most of the time, wink). You have a lot of stress (I just moved out of Jersey, I know what you mean about housing) house hunting, working crazy hours, and TTC all so early in your marriage. It's a lot to deal with and exhausting. Try cutting your hubby some slack and really wait to see once things calm down. In the meantime, I would try to get a date night going. We have one every Friday. I make it special, we have a nice dinner in or go out. I get him reved up with a little comments. It may not get back to the hotness you once had but once you have kids that will be long gone
Good luck. And good luck on the house hunt 
Is he in any way unsure about the TTC so quickly???? That would cause things to slow down in the sex department for fear of adding a pregnancy and impending baby to the "stress".
And yes it does slow down some, but wait for the major slow after adding a member to the family who consumes all your energy for a good while.
I know everyone makes decisions that are right for their own situation but if I were you, I would not think about TTC right now. Tackle one stressor at a time. Did you and your DH live together before you were married? If not, that may be your primary stressor right now... just getting used to being with each other 24/7.
DH and I just got married in November. We had started house hunting and last January and finally made an offer in April, closed in May and moved in June. Let me tell you, those times were more stressul than anything else we have been through. We were completely exhausted from house-hunting and frustrated that we couldn't find what we wanted. Our wedding was a complete afterthought during the process. I really can't imagine how it would have been if we were trying to include pregnancy in that as well. Not only is it stressful trying to do all of that at once but maybe your DH is worried about your finances too.
I would just sit down with him and ask him what's up. You don't even have to be like "we never have sex anymore." Just ask him if anything is wrong. Ask him to be completely honest about the timing of buying a house and having a baby. Maybe he isn't ready for either of those yet- they are huge commitments.
I would try a bit of a getaway. Life at home sounds stressed and difficult, perhaps a long weekend somewhere warm could heat things up again. Because of the economy, resorts are offering great deals and you guys could probably get a wonderful deal. A change of scenery will usually work wonders.
I'm sorry you came looking for real advice and have only gotten snark.
I've been with my DH for 6 years, married for a little over a year, so I've had plenty of time to see the trend. The amount of action in our house goes through wide swings, and I think that is pretty normal. When times are easy, it'll be a couple times a week. When one of us is stressed because of work, or money, or when I'm having a hard semester at school, it goes way down...maybe once a weekend, if that. At first the slow times really bothered me too, until I realized they were a reflection of the situation, not my relationship.
It sounds like, even if you don't realize your life is going to a complicated phase, it really is. Getting married and buying a house happened in completely different years for us and they were still both stressful. I think your options are: either find a way to slow things down, or wait it out. Your H is probably feeling a lot of pressure all of a sudden (to provide, put out, and procreate), and that can be a real mood-killer.
You said it slowed down a bit after you'd been together for a year and a half. This is totally normal. You went from being "in love" to real, lasting love - which are totally different mechanisms in your brain. Being "in love" causes you to obsess over your mate. You wanna be together 24/7. You wanna have crazy sex ALL the time. You can't get enough of this person! He's perfect in every way.
Then that fades and gives way to normal love. You're not so obessed anymore, you don't need to be around this person 24 hours a day anymore. This is where a lot of relationships end: "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you." is a common phrase.
Sounds like your hubby has fallen out of the clouds a bit more quickly than you. So don't worry, it IS normal to be this way. Talk to him in a rational way, tell him you're feeling rejected, tell him how often you'd like to have sex and see if he'll at the very least compromise with you. If he shuts down and doesn't wanna talk about it and won't give you more effort, then you have an entirely different problem.
If you don't want ridicule, then why do you ridicule others?
http://community.thenest.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/29101057.aspx
Ahem.
Go read that thread -- and YOU see if you think he's a fine man who is worthy of husbandship and fatherhood. Sorry, but I told it like it is -- and so did the rest of the ladies who replied to the OP.
Passed out drunk or passed out from exhaustion? Passed out drunk = adding to your problems.
SLOW DOWN!
I don't t hink the OP meant he was wasted and had a blackout.
I wish the OP would rectify this one.:(
Make a pregnancy ticker
serious question! If you can't afford a bed, then why are you buying a house? Or can you not afford a bed because you are buying a house?
Honestly, you seem to be taking on a lot at once. I would cool the TTC plans for now or at least not put pressure on the situation. Maybe he is not ready to be a dad but doesn't want to tell you?
I would start with a good sit down talk. Maybe make him dinner one night, have candles, and just talk. You both need to make the effort and figure out the root of the problem. Less sex is just the symptom, not the problem.
What is wrong with you? Really...are you sixteen?
I second the pp: why are you buying a home if you can't afford a new bed???
And why are you TTC if 1-you have so much pressure on you 2-you have not been married that long and 3-you're having cash flow problems; you yourself said you can't afford a new bed.
My advice: Wait a few years, get some "legs" on your marriage, save your money and THEN act accordingly. SLOW DOWN -- you guys act like you're in some kind of newlywed race.
Maybe it's bc you call it sexytime and refer to him as your lover-man.
Other than that, I'd say buy a vibrator.