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Should I bite my tongue? (long)
So, before DH was off the market, he and his wingman were pretty inseparable. However, ove the years, DH's priorities shifted and he spent less time going out, and therefore drifted a little from his old friend. We still see him at least once a week at the neighborhood bar or just out and about, but they are certainly not best buds anymore. fast forward to last summer when this friend (we'll call M) has decided to marry the girl he's been dating for a little over a year. Now, everyone loves her, including us, and we all know that she is good for him, but there are major flaws with the marriage plan. #1 They do not communicate. She just found out that he has deep financial troubles by insisting that they see a financial advisor. She had asked him how much he makes, etc. before, but he refused to talk about it with her. He actually told her not to marry him because he's broke. What?? #2 He openly stated that they are getting married because his lease is ending and instead of continuing to pay for his studio apartment, he is going to move in with her. However, they have to married for that to be OK with his ultra-conservative parents. Excuse me?? #3 Just the other day, after the appointment with the financial planner, he actually talked about not being alove after next month. He (not jokingly) said that he has no reason to live and then refused to explain when I played dumb and asked him what he meant. *sigh* #4 He has a serious problem with drinking and probably with coke too, but I'm not sure she knows how bad it is. #5 They have no clue what being married is about and obviously no methods of coping when things get rough (other than denial and self-medication).
I could go on, but you get the idea. So now my questions: Should DH and I talk to them about it? How can I got to this "wedding" next month when it is so upsetting to me that this union is in the same category as what DH and I just embarked on?
Re: Should I bite my tongue? (long)
A couple of things... 1. sounds like he knows this isn't for the right reasons, so I don't think it will do any good telling him.
2. This close to the wedding, it's going to be hard. I feel like if you talk to either/both of them, you will probably lose them as friends, and they might not listen to you anyway. Not sure how much this concerns you.
Ugh. It is so hard to sit back and watch other people mess up their lives...but it seems like that is all we can do sometimes! I agree with PPs and you should not say anything unless asked for your opinion.
I would recommend that your DH talk to him about his suicidal comment and, hopefully, that will turn into a bigger discussion about the wedding and his choices.
Don't be surprised, however, if the wedding goes through. A friend of mine was telling me a story about a similar situation (lots of debt, drug use, unhealthy relationship). The guy actually said to my friend "well...her parents have spent so much money on the wedding we can't back out now." Um...really? That is why you are getting married?
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