Same-Sex Households
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Caring for aged parents

We are (thankfully) a while away from having to deal with this, but we have been discussing it with our financial planner and talking about the when and what-ifs. My parents have good health insurance and a pension but no long-term care insurance. We are getting recs for a long-term care policy for them, and will encourage them to buy it (my mom seems open to this). I would have no problem with one or both of them moving in with us when they are too old or ill to take care of themselves but not needing a nursing home yet, and we'll probably look to buy a place that would accomodate at least one parent or set of parents when we move. I think my sister would be willing/able to contribute financially if need be, and I know my brother will do whatever he can, although I expect that he will still be living in NYC so it might not be much.

Her dad should be fine, although we're going to ask him about his current insurance situation and see what he has in place. He doesn't trust insurance companies so it might be hard to convince him if he doesn't already have one. I know he would never consider coming to live with us, so that is not a concern there. We aren't sure of her mom's situation (they are divorced), and we're essentially planning on taking care of her financially and physically in her declining years. We think that one sister may be able to contribute financially, and we're not sure about the other one. Jen feels awkward having this conversation with her sisters, which I understand, but I feel like we should know whether or not the burden is going to fall squarely on us so we can plan accordingly.

My aunts and uncles are a different story. I feel like much of their care will fall to us, but I have no idea how we would accomplish that and it scares me to think about it.

Just curious what other couples' thoughts/plans are in this arena?

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Re: Caring for aged parents

  • If the need arises C and I plan to care for my mother (i.e. have her come live with us). I am sure that if there were a need to care for C's parents we would find a way to be there for them also. My mom is not a spring chicken and suffers from a host of problems; we fully anticipate taking her in one day soon...she does not want to leave her home quite yet. We already call the extra room in the house "my mom's room." I am the only one of her children that she feels 100 percent comfortable with (and there are 6 of us). I know that my two oldest brothers would help out the best they could, and whatever little bit I get from the other three would be welcomed (though they struggle with their own finances). Caring for our children while at the same time caring for my mother never escaped us. Thankfully, I am blessed by a DW who has ALWAYS been willing to accept our roles as parental caregivers.  

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  • Honestly its not something we've talked about or thought about much at all.  My parents are fairly young so barring unforseen medical issues, this won't be a concern for some time.  DW's dad would be welcome into our home, but I doubt he would ever accept the offer.
  • I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately. My parents are fairly young, healthy and very independent. My mom takes care of my grandma, actually. But E's stepdad has many health issues and is 10 years older than her mom. They live near a big group of E's stepsiblings, who would definitely help out stepdad but wouldn't be able/willing to take in mom if she was unable to live unassisted. The unofficial family plan has always been for her to live with E's sister, she has developed some health issues recently. So we've been talking about the possibility of bringing E's mom to live with us in the next 10 years.
  • Just the thought of this upsets me to no end. But, we are prepared. My mom works in the insurance industry and has everything she needs, including long-term care, in place. We will be able to care for her exactly as she wants, wherever she wants.

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