worried about my friend :(

hitchdNmay

Hi ladies...it's been awhile since I posted last but lurk a lot

Okay so i'm worried about a good friend but need to preface it with a complicated story. (sorry!)...

So I live in a small, 2-level apt complex.  We' ve been here for 3 years, and my good friend lives in the same complex, next door to her ex-boyfriend (who lives below us and is also my husband's best friend..they dated for basically the whole 3 years we've been here). (make sense?) In short, it's basically like Melrose Place or some sort of college dorm environment :P The ex bf moved in next door to her shortly before they broke up, but neither one of them has any intentions of moving anytime soon (they broke up about 3 months ago). These 2 share a wall, and each can basically hear and witness everything that goes on in eachother's apt., which really sucks for my friend because her ex has a new gf already. (yay complication).

So my friend is having a super hard time getting over him, like MAJORLY hard time.  They're outside fighting right now (over who knows what) and she basically goes into hysterics on a regular basis over him.  I don't know what to do anymore; i'm starting to think that it's even worse when I'm there bc it reminds her of when the four of us used to hang out together (double date type stuff) and I remind her of him. It's getting to be really really unhealthy and I don't know what to do to help her...I feel like backing off and not seeing her as much would be the jerk friend thing to do but basically every time we've hung out in the past 3 months, she's broken down into tears talking about him. In the past i politely suggested that maybe she should look into seeing a psychologist but she waved it off.  Maybe I should start pushing it more? I don't know what else to do, she's lost a ton of weight and just looks super unhealthy.  Has anyone ever been involved in a similar situation? Like when is it okay to suggest counseling? I feel like I'm living in that episode of sex and the city when the girls suggest that Carrie see a shrink to get over Big. lol. 

anyway, thanks for reading

starsailorr26

I'm in a similar situation with my friend. Not in terms of the living arrangements, but her boyfriend broke up with her in April 2008 and she's still not over him. She's gone out with other guys and so forth but she can't move on. I've suggested she see a therapist to deal with that and other issues and she's said she wants to but hasn't done anything to look into it. I wish I had a good answer for you but I really don't. Just be there for her and listen when you can. There may be times when you don't want to hear it anymore and you may feel guilty, but as long as you sit there and listen to her, you are telling her it's okay to keep talking about it. It's a tough line to walk between being a friend and an enabler. I'm sure the proximity of their living situation doesn't help though. Like my friend, she's probably convinced that they will get back together. Even after all this time, I still don't know how to handle the situation with my friend. It's gotten better with time, but not to where she should be. Good luck to you and your friend.

insominac

That living situation really doesn't help.

Has she thought about moving?