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baconsmom
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
S/O: For what were you disciplined?
I'm pretty sure that the best discipline is for actual rule infractions that the child already knows - like, Bacon knows that I don't tolerate disrespect, and she'll get a time-out if she's rude to me or her dad.
My mother, OTOH, like to discipline me for, you know, whatever. If it took her fancy to make me suffer for something, she would. Knowing that Dad would undo the punishment or apologize for it later helped a little, but I remember being a little kid (5,6,7) and never knowing if I'd get in trouble when I got home from school. It didn't make me a quiet, retiring child, though, so I hope she was just crazy, and it wasn't an actual parenting philosophy of hers.
Re: S/O: For what were you disciplined?
The rules were pretty explicit. No fighting with your siblings, or you duke it out till your bloody.
No swearing or rudeness to parents or elders. Hmmm. I can't think of anything else.
I was mostly punished for mouthing off. But that was usually because whenever I asked why I had to do something (no matter what it was), the answer from was ALWAYS, "Because I said so."
I wasn't dumb. I knew that it was BS. So I called them out on it. Which landed me in trouble. Because they said so.
To this day, that phrase makes me want to cutabitch.
mostly for talking back. Not doing chores, messing with the cat when I was little, not listening, going through all of the warnings and still doing what I wasn't supposed to.
The really bad one was when I got an F in pre=algebra and hid my report card from my mom. When she found out, I was grounded for a month.
Everything. My mother had a lot of emotional issues while I was growing up, and I caught a lot of the flack for it. I'm with you in never knowing if I was going to get in trouble. I didn't know whether to be in my room or not when she'd come home from work, because it could be taken either way. And if I was out in common areas, should I say hello, or not. Should I make dinner, or is that an insult?
We've had a lot of talks over the years and resolved so so many of these issues. We've both apologized and forgiven each other for a myriad of stupidity. Still, I have a (possibly unreasonable) fear that I'll be just like her when I have children.
Not cleaning to my mom's standards was the biggest one. She'd not let us out of the house until it was spotless, then she'd call us home from friends' houses if she found a mess somewhere. And once a week she'd sweep through our rooms and confiscate anything that wasn't "properly put away."
Mouthing off was probably next on the list, followed by fighting with the siblings. And we also got a fair amount of mom taking her anger at the world out on us (usually me or my younger brother, who flipped back and forth for least favorite standing).
Crap...I Mean Crafts
Talking back, being disrespectful, not coming home on time from a friend's house, not doing my chores, lying, being mean to my sisters, etc.
Pretty normal crap. My mom used to get even more mad at us if we cried. She had no tolerance for dramatics.
Do we share a mom?
Oh, the cleaning! Min, if you're reading, please don't punish your children for not being OCD. I owe all my horrible housekeeping habits to my mother, who, yes, is mentally ill, but FFS. A 5-year-old should not be scrubbing her baseboards every Saturday.
My mom had a habit of flying off the handle for school progress reports. They'd send these out mid-term, and of course, I was always getting a B or a C in math and gym. This equaled "FAILING" to my mother, who would then ground me from everything she could think of. But you know, grounding doesn't actually make one athletic or able to understand geometry, so I'm not sure where she was going with that.
I have literally never been punished by my father. My step mom slapped me once. I dropped something in her purse, and went to retrieve it and she turned around and slapped me and screamed "You never go through a woman's purse!"
Never told anybody about that.
She was still better than my first step mother who I think punished me for being female. She wanted to be the only important female in Dad's life.
Apparently there are only four moms in the world. My mother had a thing about vacuuming every day, baseboards and chandeliers and lamps on Saturdays. Grounding for poor grades, but no actual homework help. I love my mother, but she sucked at school work more than I did.
Reminds me of my dad.
Oh, yeah, that too. Once I got grounded because my shoes were on the floor, not in the cupboard where they were supposed to be. They were on the floor because they were the shoes I had been wearing, before I sat on my bed and I wasn't allowed to have shoes on the bed. No winning.
Mostly for fighting with my little brother. He was a huge momma's boy and whining little brat that got on my last nerve.
My mother used to make me and my sister clean the house on Sunday. My job was the bathroom, the bedroom I shared with sis and my brother's room. Yeah, men didn't have to clean or pick up after themselves. Way to make a kid resentful of whiny brother.
Dad would always take my sister's side if we were fighting/argueing. I've been thrown into walls, beaten with a belt/wooden spoon/hanger for having an arguement with her. Mom on the other hand, was like BMom's mom and would randomly get mad at me for not knowing something (to this day I insist she could/can never recall to whom she has said something), no doing something, or once requiring a size 7. I'm pretty sure she is hystrionic.
My friend's SM is the same way. She would lock her in a room for hours on end for very minor infractions at 4 and 5 years old.
There was no borderline with my previous step mother, it was just abuse. She locked me out of the house once in the snow, in my pajamas, and drank hot chocolate with her daughter by the window.
She tied me to a chair while she was babysitting me so she could go off and screw some dude (not my father)