the fact the fact taht HER mother would 'spank't hem until her hands bled was abuse.
It's always harder to get through to mom about HER mom because she's used to thinking of her dad as the abuser...which he was but evil grandmother is still no saint--just a martyrish ***.
Of course, I still think that grandmother shouldn't have halted the adoptions...my grandfather is one of like 8 crazy kids, several of whom couldn't have kids of their own. They wanted to adopt mom and siblings. My mom tells the tale of them going to a family reunion and each of the kids being in the back-seat of a car, going to 'live with' a different aunt and uncle. And then Uncle Bill (the eldest and the one who was going to adopt mom and the sanest) found out that the kids' dad was keen on this idea (of course he was, $ was exchanging hands--he was selling them for a profit--for their own good but for a profit) but that thei kid's mom didn't know...and collected all the kids and returned them to their mom.
Screwy as it is, it would have been better for the kidsif they'd have been split up and lived w/ these relatives.