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New here...tough topic
Hi, ladies,
FI lives in Brevard County in Palm Bay and works a lot of hours. We are originally from Pittsburgh and have never really lived anywhere else. We have been long distance for a year now and he generally loves Florida.
We have had numerous, numerous discussions about making our new home in Florida, where he has a good job. I love Pittsburgh...everything about it and would never move if I had my choice. However, I knew when agreeing to marry FI that it would mean a move.
I have visited for weeks on end and just don't really like the Palm Bay/Melbourne area for a few reasons...(nothing personal, just not what I am used to)
1. FI (being a man) obviously does not know where the good shopping is and it appears to me there is none. (The mall was bad compared to here).
2. The apartment complex where he lives has gotten increasingly sketchy neighbors in the past few months.
3. Roaches..are those normal there? I can't tell if it is a Florida thing or the new neighbors bringing them, but the landlord/lease say it is on us.
4. No jobs for me. I am a teacher and cannot find anything there. I love teaching and have spent 6 years in school, have my master's, etc. PA unions are strong and the pay here is much higher in comparison to Florida schools. Plus, transferring my license I was told on the phone could take 6 months, meaning I'd be unemployed for at least 6 months. I can't find anything outside of the teaching field either. I have many thousands in student loans, so I need a job.
5. Terrible traffic, plus I have a hard time learning the roads and getting around. Perhaps I am going the wrong ways or need a GPS?
6. Too far from a major city (I live 11 miles from the city now and that it the max for me personally)
7. I know not one person besides FI. Every single family member we have is 1000 miles away. FI has only work friends...he works so much that he has made no friends outside the office in 1+years. I am very close to my family and friends, who are all here. I also love my two jobs here and have been here for several years, so I am well established.
8. I sunburn very, very, very easily and have had a major burn every time I visited, including in November. I wear long sleeves and a hat. I also wear SPF 55 and reapply frequently, but I will still have sun damage. I have a family history of skin cancer and am vigilant about sun protection. I worry that I may be getting burned all the time when I move there and perhaps some place not so sunny would be best for me. Or I may just need to do a lot of indoor activities.
9. I hate driving and long commutes. Also, we are facing the fact that we may need to share a car, especially if I cannot get a job right away. I feel lost and pathetic without my own car and my own cash (after working full-time for 2 years and doing my own thing)
I am just having a tough time getting ready to move there. I have discussed this at length with FI, but what can he do, really, besides rehash it over and over with me? We have to go where his job is, as it makes a lot more than mine.
Perhaps you can cheer me up and tell me that I am just looking in the wrong area or that there are great people, young couples, to befriend. Is there an area near Palm Bay/Melbourne I might like better? Where do most of you ladies live? Is it looking like the teaching field might pick up soon for hiring (the Brevard County Public Schools Office said no, but who knows?)
If any of you ladies don't work, what do you do? (We don't have children or plans to have any).
Is there any area of Central Florida that is more the young people's area? Palm Bay/Melbourne had many retirees.
Can you just help me get more positive and change my attitude? Give me things to look forward to? Did you face anything like this?
Thanks,
Kristen
Re: New here...tough topic
You have the longest cons list I have ever seen. What are the pros to moving to Florida other than being with your Fiance?
If you cannot think of anything good about moving to Florida then you might need to re-evaluate your relationship. It's not a good idea to move that far from your friends and family without having something to go to; you will go out of your mind and end up resenting your fiance for "forcing" you to move. Try meetup.com for groups of people in the area with similar interests as you.
I know how hard it is to move to a new place. I moved here to Orlando alone, before I was engaged (you can look on the bright side that you have FI). I was scared, lonely and knew nothing when I got here. Thankfully my parents lived about an hour from where I moved though so I could see them from time to time.
The very first thing I did was find a church group with a specific group for me (singles at the time, you could look for young professionals or couples). I no longer go to that church but remained friends when several of the people I met there.
I also adopted my first dog to help fill my free, alone time.
To answer some of your issues:
1. I find shopping in fl very hit and miss. I personally live in Altamonte/Longwood area and think the Altamonte mall sucks, so I drive 30-45 minutes to go to malls that I like better. It's not like you need to go shopping everyday,right?
3. Roaches, unfortunately, in many apts here are normal. I lived in 5 different apts before buying a house and every single one was infested. Those little Combat stick up things were my best friend.
5. I'm the same as you, I to this day still get lost. I came from a little town in WVa and had never even seen an interstate. You get used to it, you learn short-cuts and areas to avoid in rush hour.
7. see my opening statement. you can and will make friends if you make the effort.
8. I also can't help you here. I am a pasty white girl and burn easily but I just make sure not to spend long hours outside without covering myself with sunscreen. I've only really gotten burnt twice in about two years now and both times from the beach.
overall, I think you need to look for positives and start dwelling on those. It sounds like the move isn't an option so start looking at this place as you new home. Start looking for things you will like, enjoy and put the bad things out of your mind. There will always be some negatives anywhere you live but you can make the choice not to focus on them and be happy with your new home.
as far as a job if you really need the money and can't start teaching yet can you look into a fun job like starbucks (I hear they are treated awesome), maybe a tourist attraction. Or if you can't find something and still really need the money and time out of the house find a part time job like Target or something. I've cashiered before and though it isn't the greatest job in the world it's money and I got an employee discount.
and it was only temp.
Pro: All of your friends & Family will want to come visityou so they can go to the beach and to Disney....
But I second the PP, if you can't think up a list of your Pro's you guys should really re-think the move to FLorida. I moved here from GA to be w/dh but I had a job lined up, and some family here. It has turned out to be a wonderful decision. Do I miss my family? Of course, but that makes the visits and travel that much more special.
And yes, the bugs are insane in Florida, we have pest control at our house just for that reason.
Sorry, I have to agree with pp. That is one LOOOOONNNGGGGG list of cons to moving.
I also can't be any help to you because many of your "cons" are the "positives" on my list as to why I like it here. I have lived in Melbourne for almost 37 years.
1. I'm not a "girly girl" and do not enjoy shopping so much. So for the few things that I need, the Melbourne Mall or Merritt Square is where I go. Have you been to the Avenues in Viera? It's an outdoor mall with restaurants, a Belks, Kohls, Coldwater Creek, Old Navy, and more. If I want to do major shopping, driving to Orlando is not too bad, it makes for a nice day trip.
2. As far as apartments go, it really matters which one you live in. There are some really nice places around.
3. Sorry, roaches are a common thing in Florida. But as long as you don't leave food out and you keep a clean home, you shouldn't have a problem with them. They don't come in my house. (Ants find their way in though).
4. I am a teacher and I can sympathize with your situation. I wish I could tell you it will get better soon, but I just don't know. But if you were intent on moving here, you could find a job (it just might not be teaching for a couple of years.)
5. Traffic is getting worse daily, but that's because sooooo many people move here from up north. Thus, the need for better roads, thus the construction, thus the traffic.
6. You couldn't pay me enough to live in a major city or even outside a major city. Melbourne/Palm Bay is a quiet little town compared to Orlando. The people are friendly, the crime is not as bad, the schools are wonderful (Brevard is ranked one of the highest in the state).
7. It will be very hard to leave everyone you know, but Florida is THE vacation spot, so I'm guessing that if you did live here, you would get plenty of "visitors".
8. The sun IS hot and if you suffer, you just can't spend that much time in it. I'm also going to say that while you are here, you will develop a "base tan" which may prevent you from burning so easily. It happens to everyone who comes down (My DH is from upstate NY and went thru the same thing for the first year he was here. But now he's fine)
9. Brevard County is a long county. So your commute will definitely depend on where you live/work. I only drive 20 minutes to/from work. I like being close enough to go home if I need to, but far enough away that I'm not compelled to go INTO work for every little reason during my off hours.
I'd be glad to answer any questions you have about the area. It really is a nice place to live and there are things to do, you just have to find them. There isn't another place I would want to raise my family.
Good luck with your decision. My advice is to just keep talking to your FI. Maybe if he sees how hard it is for you to move here, he might try to find another (comparable) job elsewhere. (Does he work for Harris?)
Hi kwynn,
I wanted to let you know that I understand your worries about moving to Florida. Its hard to move away from something you are used to, especially when you are leaving family. I will be honest, Florida isn?t my favorite place in the world, BUT I am a huge believer in positivity. If this is a situation that can?t be changed then what can you do? Find the good
.
1. Shopping: I?m not familiar with your area, but I think a pp already addressed this
2. Ride out the lease and MOVE! When you?re down there with him you can take the time to find a nicer place to live. Try to find a place that includes pest control. I?m surprised the place he is currently renting doesn?t have that covered. (I?m guessing that they don?t since you said ?The landlord/lease say its on us?)
3. Sorry
,
yes. Again, get an apt that covers pest control is a must. I also suggest
living on the second floor (or higher). It helps a bit.
4. I know that a lot of times jobs open up last minute before school starts. I?m sure you?ll be okay
. Have you been to the
county office? I know ours (in my county) posts the jobs there.
5. You?ll learn, it takes more time than a few weeks. We have family in Pittsburgh..if you can learn those roads you can learn roads ANYWHERE. Seriously!
6. When you know the area better you can add your preferences to deciding where to live. As of now you are at the whim of your FI who doesn?t have the same living priorities as you.
7. This can be so exciting! Plus, when you do start working this will change.
8. You?ll learn that FL sun is just very strong. I also have cancer in my family and am fair skinned. Unfortunately, you just have to be more careful down here. You?ll get used to it though.
Like everyone else said, you just have to really start looking at the positive. You?ll get used to it and you wont be able to handle a real winter in no time!
Scheduled IVF for April 2013--SURPRISE, don't need it! EDD 9/6/13
Scheduled IVF for April 2013--SURPRISE, don't need it! EDD 9/6/13
Ladies..we are forgetting one of the big pros...YOu get to wear shorts on Christmas DAY!
No more white Christmas' for you and your hubby, which could be a con, but hitting the parks xmas day in shorts = awesome! Unless you like the cold snowy winters.
Pro: Sitting on the beach on July 4th. Fireworks + Ocean = Heaven
GOOD CALL Alicia!!!
Hi Kristen,
I moved to Melbourne in 7th grade, from Cincinnati. As pp have said, it's true that it's not a big city or very exciting, but it is what you make it. Here is my personal list of pros:
1. Rent is pretty cheap, because the cost of living here is lower. There are always cute new apartments being built. Viera has some nice ones, or you could check out beachside.
2. Nice weather. You said you burn every time you come to visit, but is that because you guys do a lot of sightseeing? Remember that you won't have to be in the sun a lot when you are in your everyday routine. The weather in the Melbourne area is generally really nice because you get the ocean breeze which keeps it cooler than Orlando.
3. Relaxed atmosphere. You might be used to city life right now, but it's actually kind of nice not to have the hustle and bustle of that. Things move at a little bit slower pace.
Overall, it can be pretty nice, but it is what you make it. Certain areas of Palm Bay can be kind of sketchy, but I think that's true of any area. I'm sure not every neighborhood in Pittsburgh is amazing. Let us know if you want any more specific info. Good luck with everything
TTC #1 Since April 2011
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LAP/hysteroscopy 8/28/12 to remove uterine septum and stage 3 endo
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I'm a native Floridian and honestly, I can't wait to move out of here when I get the chance. I don't know...I guess because I've lived here my entire life, I find Florida to be hot, boring and not as cracked up as some people think.
But that's just me...
Hi, ladies, and thanks for your helpful responses!
I am basically coming up with a lot of cons because he moved there after graduation. It was his choice and I told him to do what was best for him. (We were not engaged/married at the time, just dating, and I felt I couldn't hold him back from a great job). As a PP suggested, he does work for Harris. I did not really want him to go to Florida and was pulling more for a job opportunity he had in DC.
I just love my life in Pittsburgh. I love the weather. I love fall especially. I like to ski and ice skate. I just like having different seasons, you know? I love my jobs, my doctors, my dentist, my friends, both of our immediate and extended families.
It is so hard not to think like this, but the only thing I have tying me to Florida is FI. I want so badly to ask him to move back here. I know if I ask that though, I am basically ending our relationship, as he won't move back here because of the job situation. We have even thought about having a commuter marriage, but to me, that is very difficult.
In response to a previous post, of course areas of Pittsburgh are sketchy. Absolutely. I feel like sometimes women are more in-tuned to where the shady areas of town are, because we can be a bit more vulnerable, whereas guys are like "whatever, I've never had a problem here."
The cost of living is fairly cheap in Florida, but Pittsburgh is even cheaper. We could get a very nice apartment in PA for $500 a month. I'm also spoiled, because in 45 minutes, I can drive to 6 shopping malls and a few outdoor shopping areas (sort of like The Avenue at Viera, but a bit bigger). Of course, there is always internet! Or having my mom buy me things that can't be purchased here and sending them. I'm glad to hear they finally got a Hollister and a Coach there..Is Forever 21 there yet? H and M? I love those stores, plus Ann Taylor.
Basically, I feel bored when I visit the area, even for a week. I've lived in PA my whole life and still there are places I've never been to in our city. In the local Florida area, I feel like I have seen everything there is to do. I research things to do all the time, but it is not like we can be driving into Orlando every night.
The area is nice for raising a family, but we don't plan on ever having kids and we aren't allowed pets. Are there are a lot of couples in their early/mid 20's there? We also are not religious at all, so we wouldn't want to join a church. We are nice people, though, don't get the wrong idea about us!
Stepharoonie, actually, I live right by Monroeville Mall!
Are you talking about Night of the Living Dead? I'm trying to think of the other movies that have been filmed there...
Kristen,
I'm confused. Is there ever a possibility of you two moving away after spending some time in Florida? I don't know you or your situation, but it seems odd to me that your FI wouldn't even consider relocating just because he likes FL. Do you get the feeling he takes your feelings into consideration? I can't tell from your posts.
I'm concerned that you will really end up resenting your FI.
You really don't sound like your heart is into being in Florida at all. Especially if you can't think of any pros in the decision. I
f you're not willing to wholeheartedly move and be at peace with your decision you should really reconsider staying there because it may just cause friction between you and your FI if you're that unhappy.
I say if you're going to be here try to find the good things about it and embrace them and let go of all the cons and make up your mind to let go of the things that bother you about it. If not you're going to be very unhappy.
I'm jumping on here a little late, but I wanted to say that I can relate to your post and your concerns. I moved to Orlando from Ohio four years ago. I knew one person (a friend from college) who lived in Orlando. I know my situation is different than yours b/c I choose to move here to advance my career. I never saw Orlando as the city where I wanted to settle down and spend the rest of my life. Along the way, I met Lance, fell in love, got married and got settled in Orlando. Would I love to move back to Ohio? Sure. Does Lance want to move to Ohio? Nope. For him, it's too landlocked. He has to be able to get out on the ocean to fish on a regular basis. That's where I think our situations are similiar The most important thing to me is being with him. Location is important, but not as important as being with my husband. Over the years, I've grown to love Orlando. Sure, I miss the seasons changing, snow days, Skyline chili, being able to just "drop in" and visit my family, but I have a long list of things I love about Orlando. Honestly, now I feel like I have the best of both worlds - I go home in the fall and winter so I can experience the seasons, but I don't have to drive in the snow, rake the leaves, etc and my family loves to visit me here, so I see them frequently. Here are my thoughts/advice:
1. Be honest w/ your FI. It's hard when your thoughts on an ideal location are not the same for a variety of reasons. Lance understands that it's hard for me to be away from my family. It doesn't change his mind about not wanting to live in Ohio, but he makes extra efforts to make sure I am able to visit with my family and acknowledges when it's difficult for me. You have to be willing to give as well in order for it to work.
2. Give it a try. If you try it for a year and hate it, you guys can move. Rent instead of buying until you figure it out. Jobs can change. Coming here for a year doesn't mean you have to stay. You may find that there are a lot of things you like about Florida.
3. Try to find friends down here that are from your hometown area. You'd be suprised how many people here are transplants. I have met some amazing friends who are from Cincinnati. Having that connection is so nice. We get together for Skyline chili parties, etc so we can enjoy the things we miss about our hometown. I have dear friends from Pittsburgh that live here that I'd be happy to introduce you too
Sorry for the long post, hope this helps. My vote - if you couldn't tell - is for you to give it a try!
Umm..I feel we have some of the best shopping b/c of the tourism, Mall at Millenia, Winter Park Village, the new Winter Garden Village, Outlets. I don't shop Forever 21 or H&M, but I believe we have them here. I go to AT Loft all the time and Ann Taylor, plus the outlet on I-Drive has an awesome Ann Taylor & Coach Outlet.
But also, like all the PP you need to talk to your husband. I moved here 4 years ago, and like I said previously, it was tough, but like the pp said, it is totally worth it to be w/husband. It took me 3.5 years to find some good girlfriends, but you have to want to make the effort. We play in a social softball league so that is how I met some new friends. It just sounds like you won't make the effort, grow to resent your husband and grow apart.
I wish you luck in your decision.
Hi, Lisa,
Thanks for your advice. I agree that Orlando has fabulous shopping (I have had FI take me there a few times when visiting). I just find it to be a longer day, etc, because we don't actually live in Orlando, but in Palm Bay in Brevard. I wish better malls were closer.
I actually really, really like Orlando, but FI feels that such a long commute is wasteful and would be hard on him with his long hours. I just don't like the small town of Palm Bay. Also, in general, FI hates cities.
I do want to make an effort to make new friends. I am also not into sports, church, or outdoor activities, so meeting people is hard. I think a great place to meet friends is work, but finding a job will be difficult, it seems. I have friends I have known for the last 10-15 years...it takes me a long time to make friends and that is why I get upset thinking about leaving them.
Thanks for your help!
I am going to try harder to like it. I think I would be into Florida as a whole if we moved to Orlando or another city.
Hi, Mrs. Kay...
Well, I think all the time about what you posted. Like could we move away after a few months/years in Florida? Honestly, I feel like I could get through the time in Florida if there was an end date in sight.
Many couples I know do this. "We will live in Arkansas until we have kids." "We will be moving around a lot until his 4 years in the Army is up." "When our oldest is in school, we are moving back so my mother can watch him after" etc.
The issue is, my FI will give me no firm date on this. I would like something like this: "After three years, we will move home to Pennsylvania." Or "if you (kwynn) cannot find a full-time job in one year, we will move to where you can" Or even..."In five years, we will move and you will pick where it can be this time."
He flat out refuses to put a timeline on anything. I think he hopes that I will just get adjusted to it and forget about it. He says he can't predict the future as far as job status for himself, so there's no telling if or when we might move.
I am willing to compromise and move as far south as North or South Carolina, or to a big city, etc...I have many, many areas I would consider, including places that are hot (for him). But I know that he will never compromise and fulfill my dream of living in NYC, for example. He is too practical and will not move where the cost of living is high and the salary doesn't match up. He says if I make more money, I can choose where we live, but as a teacher, that is not likely to happen.
In addition, for job reasons, I do not want to be out of the workforce for long in my field. i have already subbed full-time in one building for two years and want a full-time job soon! I am simply not willing to sub in Florida, because it pays next to nothing and is not like real teaching at all, in my opinion. (I do think it is beneficial for a year or two, to see how different teachers do things, to get introduced to different districts, to develop classroom management, etc)
Hate to be blunt but it kind of sounds like your FI doesn't care about your wants and needs at all! I would think him moving to Orlando...where you would be happier.... would be a good compromise.
If he isn't willing to compromise with a big issue like this...ummm, have fun being married to this guy.
I am a shopper at heart so I understand your concerns about the shopping. LOL at caring about where the nearest Forever 21 is located. I would hope that by the time you reach the age 30 you wont care about that store.