What do you think of this?

PenguinGirl06

I recently met someone who works at a daycare. ?We were talking about babies and milestones. ?I told her how Ben's first word was "Mama", when he started crawling a little etc... She then told me that the babies she takes care of at daycare perform their "firsts" all the time in front of them, not their parents, but that they "pretend" it didn't happen and don't tell the parents. ?Her reasoning was that she'd rather the parents "discover" their firsts etc... At first, I thought that was sort of a nice thing to do and then I thought if it were my baby maybe I would want to know if he walked or said "Dada" or something. ?I keep going back and forth in my head as to whether I think what they do there is the right thing or not. ?I certainly know there's no bad intentions and for the most part, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting the parents to think they witnessed their babies firsts, but on the other hand...I dunno...So just curious as to what others think of this...

MilesOfSmiles

I was JUST having this conversation wtih my BFF yesterday! She was telling me the daycare she worked at had the same policy. After all, what mother wants to hear they missed their baby's first step, word, etc while they were working!?! (One of the biggest reasons I want to be a SAHM, actually, I can't bear the thought of missing those precious moments). I babysat a baby once who walked for the first time while I was watching him. I was SOOO excited to tell his mom when she got home, and she was SOOO sad she missed it, then I felt like total crap for being the one to witness it! Now that I'm older, I realize that if I were a mother who was told "Guess what! Your baby took his first step today!" I would be incredibly sad, and would rather NOT know. I think in this instance, it's probably ok to say a little white lie...
(Yikes, holy long answer!)

nrkloveswrk

I suppose I would rather not know....I was at work and Mason was home with Daddy when I called to see how things were Bill told me that Mason had "almost" rolled over....I was sad that I almost missed it, and it made me REALLY want to find a WAH job.  I almost feel like I would rather not know, unless of course DH gets it on video!!

WideSmileMama

This is a VERY common practice from what I have heard and I think that it's nice of them to do, though for a kid who is in daycare full-time you've gotta figure that many of the "firsts" are going to happen while they are there......

lldags

As a parent who has her kid in daycare full time, I see both sides of this...Although I agree with Laura that I pretty much have accepted and resigned myself to the fact that there is a good chance I will miss most of his firsts.  I don't think anyone whose kid is in daycare fulltime should expect that they won't miss some of these milestones, its just not realistic.  I do have to say though that if they only did it at daycare and not at home, I would want to know about it, because if it was a milestone they should have reached, I would not want to worry that they were developmentally behind, you know?  Also, sometimes knowing they CAN do something helps us at home too - I remember daycare telling me Ryan held his bottle all the time, yet he refused to hold it at home.  They gave me the tip of puttiing him down with his head proppoed up on a Boppy and we tried that and it worked.  If they had not told me that, I would have continued to hold it for him...So sometimes it helps.  And yes it is sad to miss these things but it's part of the pros and cons of working vs staying home - definetley a big con!!!  But it can't hurt fro the caretaker to hold off on telling for a few days and give the parents a chance to witness it first hand for themselves....Of course I could just as easily miss a first when I'm in the bathroom as when he is at daycare - LOL

missa0912

when i worked at kindercare, we were not allowed to tell about any firsts. in fact one girl almost got in trouble for doing so...

lldags

I really find that interesting...What if the parent wanted to know?  Hmm....the other day Ryan's teacher asked me if he was saying "Dada" at home b/c he was saying it here so apparently they don't have that policy at our daycare....

MrsKimberlyD

i would be upset if anyone witnessed the kids firsts and i wasnt there to see it.  so i would be mad if the daycare told me, but then at the same time, in the back of my head i would be wondering if it really was their first and not a second first.... kwim?

MrsDeputyChief

I would be upset if someone lied to me. That is why I am happy I am home to see all his firsts. I wouldn't give anything up for it.

EastCoastFamily

I *think* I would rather not know.  So I think that's a nice service the daycare provides.  If parents want to know, and the daycare prohibits it, I don't think that's right.  I feel soo thankful that I'll be home w/ Alyssa till she's 17 months.

MyNameHere

I don't think babies really have super specific "first times" they do stuff. . . to me it's like she starts doing something a little bit and then a little bit more and I never realize the "the first" time she really did it. (Unless of course it's something we try with her like her first solid food, or first time in a pool). I never had a first smile, laugh, word, crawl, pulling to standing moment and I don't think I'll have that "1st steps" moment either. I don't feel like all the sudden I'll miss something at day care one day as to me all those things are a process. She has been saying things for a while and it took us like a month before we knew she was REALLY saying Da-Da and Ma-Ma and Doggy for the actual things. Also crawling was like rocking on her knees for a week and then one mini-movement forward for a week and then a little more foward it wasn't like we dropped her off at day care one day not crawling an picked her up and she was moving across the room. I also don't think you really miss first steps as it's just as exciting to see them do it whether they did it before a couple times. Learnig to walk is a long process not a one time thing.

PenguinGirl06

MyNameHere:

I don't?think babies really have super specific?"first times" they do stuff. . . to me it's like she starts doing something a little bit and then a little bit more and I never realize the "the first" time she really did it. (Unless of course?it's something we?try with her like her first solid food, or first time in a pool).?I never had a first smile, laugh, word, crawl, pulling to standing moment?and I don't think I'll have that "1st steps" moment either. I don't feel like all the sudden I'll?miss something at day care one day as to me all those things are a process. She has been saying things for a while and it took?us like a?month before we knew she was REALLY saying Da-Da and Ma-Ma and Doggy for the actual things. Also crawling was like rocking on her knees for a week and then?one mini-movement forward for a week and then a little more foward it wasn't like we dropped her off at day care one day not crawling an picked her up and she was moving across the room.?I also don't think you really?miss first steps as it's just as exciting to see them do it whether they did it before a couple times. Learnig to walk is a long?process not a one time thing.

Ben's baby book is full of places to make their firsts. ?We got to witness his first smile, laugh, words, eating solids, teeth, crawling etc and I can say that they all have actual dates. ?I know the crawling thing is a process- so I just wrote the date and wrote "starting to crawl" etc...

What the point of my post was to see what others thought. ?If your child was in daycare, would you want to know if they had done any of these milestones or would you rather the provider not to tell you so that you can think you witnessed it first.

FYI- I hope you didn't read too much into this- it wasn't a SAHM/working mom thing, I was just wondering what other people thought- would you want to know or not?

I am very thankful that I am home so that is is me who gets to witness these milestones. ?However, if Ben had to go into daycare for some reason, I think I *would* want to know, so that I could write it down and try to practice it with him- though it would make me sad to know it wasn't me who saw who first...?

Kimmipoo

HAHA with twins there is no way i got everything even though they were together in the same classroom I worked in at the daycare.  I was lucky.. i had my kids in my room BUT with twins.. way too many milestones.  I would have had to have a catheter and IV nutrition.  They did everything within days of each other.  I missed first roll on one, first word on both (which was probably a good thing, they both said dada even though they had never seen him, all the other babys had fathers so go figure) and i missed one of their first crawls.   I was in the system so i knew I wasnt to be told if this happened but they bent the rules for me and told me anyway.  HAHA